Are large weddings worth the money?

[z28dreams]

Was always curious about this stat... how much can you expect back in gifts on average?

Let's take your typical wedding - 200 people @ $100 each (this is close I think, but I'm not sure) = $20k

Obviously, of those 200 a lot can be couples or kids, but generally aren't you supposed to give a gift roughly about what your plate would cost?

Even if you only receive 100 gifts of $100, that's still 1/2 the cost of the wedding basically gone.

Anyone have some real numbers on what you'd usually get back?

[emon87]

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For all of you that are saying that weddings are a one day thing and then are done...

You do realize that people actually derive enjoyment and happiness from the MEMORY of an event, right? A perfect wedding will be remembered for as long as you are together.


Also, saying people are dumb for spending a lot of money on a large wedding then spending $30,000 on your own wedding is completely hypocritical. Also, forcing close friends and relatives to fly and stay wherever YOU want to go, which is not cheap for them and could be a huge inconvenience is very selfish.

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You're quite judgmental without really knowing anything about the situation. We only had 25 people, all of whom are very close to us, love traveling and love Italy in particular. They were involved in the decision-making process to do this wedding, and those who were financially challenged to do this trip were covered by us. We're a close enough family that if anyone was inconvenienced by this, it would have been apparent. Everyone had about 15 months notice and it was made abundantly clear to people that they should not feel obligated in any way to come. We insisted on no gifts, and we showered people with free dinners, gifts, and day trips on our dime the whole time we were there. We also got people very good rates at the hotel, rates they could not have gotten on their own.

The wedding worked out great and everyone who was there still talks about how much they enjoyed the experience, both to our face and to other people when we're not around.

So your comments that we are selfish for choosing this type of wedding are totally unfounded, but thanks for attempting to be fair and objective.

As for the cost, again, the 30k covers all of a 10 day trip to Italy, which included us getting married. We also paid for a couple of relatives who clearly couldn't comfortably afford the trip.

In my opinion, we got more on a dollar for dollar basis than the guy who spent $10 grand on just one night.

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You're pretty judgemental without knowing the circumstances as well.

Also, even if you tell people they don't have to come, they still feel obligated, ESPECIALLY since it is a small wedding. Your family might say no, but in a lot of situations they would go even if they didn't want to and were basically forced into it. And having a trip to Europe covered by someone could be very ebarassing for a lot of people.

Different weddings are right for different people. I'm sure you had a lot of fun on your wedding but it is clearly not an inherently better way to do it than a large wedding or whatever.

[guids]

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For all of you that are saying that weddings are a one day thing and then are done...

You do realize that people actually derive enjoyment and happiness from the MEMORY of an event, right? A perfect wedding will be remembered for as long as you are together.


Also, saying people are dumb for spending a lot of money on a large wedding then spending $30,000 on your own wedding is completely hypocritical. Also, forcing close friends and relatives to fly and stay wherever YOU want to go, which is not cheap for them and could be a huge inconvenience is very selfish.

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You do realize that people actually derive enjoyment and happiness from the MEMORY of an event, right? A perfect wedding will be remembered for as long as you are together.



This is what I have problem with. Do you think guys are going to remember the event more or less becuase you spent a bunch of money? Guys arent really that excited about all the crap you have to go through for a wedding, right? Wouldnt most dudes remember the wedding date just because its your wedding, and if not, I know they;d cherish it if it was low key and fun, rather than uncomfortable and lame. Do you want to marry a chick who needs all that to enjoy the day that you guys start spending your life together?

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yeah, that is probably true. good point.

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I didnt want to imply that I advocate "wedding tryrants" as leaky put it.

Most girls dream about a huge wedding, but if she doesnt freak out and go psycho at "hey, I dont want a huge wedding is that ok?", than she can have whatever she wants in my book.

[Tweety]

Man, you're not giving me a break here. In one of your posts I'm a bad guy for making people spend money on traveling to Italy. In the next post I'm a bad guy for paying for people to come, because I'm forcing them into feeling ashamed. Pick a side and stick with it, chief.

Criticize them all you want, but destination weddings are becoming more and more common. We know a lot of people who either have done them or are looking to do them.

I never said what I did was better. I said it was a good alternative to spending tons of money on just one night. Yes, we spent 30 grand on what we did, but it spanned ten nights, so this was as much a luxury vacation as it was anything else. The actual wedding ceremony and reception and dinner cost us under 3 grand.

[guids]

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Man, you're not giving me a break here. In one of your posts I'm a bad guy for making people spend money on traveling to Italy. In the next post I'm a bad guy for paying for people to come, because I'm forcing them into feeling ashamed. Pick a side and stick with it, chief.

Criticize them all you want, but destination weddings are becoming more and more common. We know a lot of people who either have done them or are looking to do them.

I never said what I did was better. I said it was a good alternative to spending tons of money on just one night. Yes, we spent 30 grand on what we did, but it spanned ten nights, so this was as much a luxury vacation as it was anything else. The actual wedding ceremony and reception and dinner cost us under 3 grand.

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see the point is though, if you have a group of people for your destination wedding, he is spot on, some people would be uncomfortable if you bought the trip, adn others dont have the money, so sending out the wedding cards is going to be presumptuous to at least some percentage of the wedding guests.

[Tweety]

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Man, you're not giving me a break here. In one of your posts I'm a bad guy for making people spend money on traveling to Italy. In the next post I'm a bad guy for paying for people to come, because I'm forcing them into feeling ashamed. Pick a side and stick with it, chief.

Criticize them all you want, but destination weddings are becoming more and more common. We know a lot of people who either have done them or are looking to do them.

I never said what I did was better. I said it was a good alternative to spending tons of money on just one night. Yes, we spent 30 grand on what we did, but it spanned ten nights, so this was as much a luxury vacation as it was anything else. The actual wedding ceremony and reception and dinner cost us under 3 grand.

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see the point is though, if you have a group of people for your destination wedding, he is spot on, some people would be uncomfortable if you bought the trip, adn others dont have the money, so sending out the wedding cards is going to be presumptuous to at least some percentage of the wedding guests.

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We didn't ask anyone to be present for anything other than the wedding, so people could have made this a one or two night trip if they wanted to. For those who opted to come earlier, there were plenty of meals and activities provided to them at our expense.

Anytime you have a wedding with a lot of people, you're asking a lot of people to travel. Unless everyone you know lives within a small distance of the wedding event, many people will have to fly, if not drive a great distance, and in many cases stay in a hotel. Since we were holding the wedding and reception there, we managed to hammer out a deal with the hotel that got our guests rates that weren't much more than your average Westin or Sheraton.

So yes, people had to fly a bit further than average to make it to our wedding, but we didn't put people out financially that much more than if you're having a wedding in Chicago and you're inviting people from LA or New York. With over a year's notice a NY-Rome plane ticket isn't that much more than a domestic ticket bought a couple months in advance. We specifically insisted on no gifts, and we were very generous with people once they got there.

Oh, and as far as the relatives we paid for feeling bad about us paying for their airfare and hotel? They have asked us for money several times in the past, so I doubt they really cared.

[Shoe]

I think the main thing is, people get caught up in trying to make the perfect wedding, and end up paying ridicously inflated prices for it. The whole wedding planning business, from photographers to reception halls knows this, and as soon as you mention wedding they increase their prices as much as possible.

It is possible to "value-shop" if you will and still throw a good/big wedding and reception at a reasonable price, it just takes a lot more work.

Also I completely agree, this is not something you should be going into debt or sacrificing a down payment on a house for.

[Leaky Eye]

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If guys were the ones with the final say in weddings, there would be no big weddings, unfortunelty we dont adn never will.

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Some guys choose to marry women that are reasonable (for women). Carrying the expectation that you are going to marry an emotional basket case wedding tyrant is a good way to do exactly that.

OP. They aren't worth it to me. Some people like big family events. Different strokes I guess. My wife and I got married on a beach in the Caribbean alone. It was romantic and memorable.

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Carrying the expectation that you are going to marry an emotional basket case wedding tyrant is a good way to do exactly that.


this is a joke. 90% of girls want a big wedding. lol @ it guaranteeing a basket case. there is a difference between a wedding tyrant, and wanting a big wedding.

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Yes it is a joke [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Fast Food Knight]

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$30,000 is a lot of money. Why exactly are YOU ranting about expensive weddings?

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Keep in mind the $30,000 includes my honeymoon, which was absolutely awesome (stayed at a 5 star property in Capri for 5 nights). It also includes...

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I bet lot of people who spend a ton on a wedding will similarly hold a set of justifications and feel that "theirs" was worth the money. Which is fine and the way it should be, if you do decide to go all out.

Unless I come into a lot of unexpected money in the next couples of years, I would never consider spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding. I'd rather retire sooner, start a college fund for my kids, or have the luxury of a parent at home with my children during their pre-Kindergarten developmental years. There are a lot of things in my future that take monetary priority over a wedding.

[Hopey]

My wife and I spent roughly $20,000 on our wedding and another $10,000 or so for the honeymoon. I still think it was worth it a year and a half later. That being said, both my wife and I are in our 30's, have worked at decent jobs for a few years, and didn't have to go into debt to pay for the wedding and honeymoon. We weren't a couple of 20-somethings living paycheque to paycheque and then going into massive debt to pay for a "dream wedding" that we couldn't afford. This wasn't a minor expense for us, but it was definitely something that we wanted to splurge on -- within reason.

Our attitude was that there are a limited number of times in life where you will have the opportunity to bring all of your family and friends together for a day. We wanted to make the day as enjoyable and memorable for them as possible.

Many people say that weddings are "for the bride". However, our attitude was that our wedding was really for our family and friends. We wanted to do something nice for all of the people we care about.