dating girl w/ kid issues - Page 5

bernie · #41 11-13-2006, 04:17 AM

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also I am really good with kids, I don't give in but I also never lose my temper and I think if I were to apply myself I could do some real good here but it's not really my place to do so

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No, it's not your place.

Personally, I don't meet a chicks kids, especially this age, unless I get pretty serious with her. I learned that the hard way. The main thing is to protect the kid from dealing with yet another loss should you break up. It's not fair to the kid. And don't kid yourself that if you break up you'll still be there for the kid in some way. That's fantasy-land.

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She is very good for and if there wasn't this one issue I could something meaningful and longterm with her.

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This one issue is a doozy. Don't downplay it.

Dating young single mothers sucks. Not that there aren't exceptions, but there are much better situations to be in. 1 big thing I look for is how they handle their kids.

At least you saw this huge red flag now and not after you knocked her up and are looking at 18yrs of dealing with her.

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bernie · #42 11-13-2006, 04:21 AM

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I'm just saying cut her a little slack, she's got a tough job and it's hard to 2nd-guess her with certainty as an outsider. Certainly it's not worth breaking up with someone based on one meeting with a 3-year-old.

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If I read the OP right, this wasn't just one incident, but a composite of many, similar, incidents.

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bernie · #43 11-13-2006, 04:22 AM

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somebody is going to have to keep him under control when the 3 of you are together, and that somebody will have to be you. As long as she is willing to cede you that authority, there is no problem.

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LOL

Now THAT is some funny sh*t!

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KingOtter · #44 11-13-2006, 10:43 AM

I think most of the people who are saying that this is a discipline problem and the mother's fault either don't have children, or don't have willful children.

I'm a stepfather of two, married their mother when they were 8 and 10. They're now 20 and 22. My own two kids are 7 and 9. I'm now a grandfather of two via the 22-year old as well.

One thing I've learned in all this world of children have their own personalities from hour zero. Sometimes they're quiet, listen, easy to manage. Sometimes they're not.

My granddaughter is a prime example. She's a beautiful, little girl but she's got the will of a bull. Her parents are good disciplinarians, and she knows what happens when she does things wrong but she still back-talks, ignores commands, yada yada. She's 3. It's an age thing as much as it is a strong-willed thing.

Another example... my nephew. We used to say his name was 'No-kyle' because his mom would have to chase him around when he was 3 saying 'No, Kyle, No Kyle' continuously. He was like Curious George running from trouble to trouble playing, touching, grabbing, etc. No amount of spanking, smacking, discipline would get that out of him (believe me, his dad, my brother-in-law tried I'm sure of it).

Sometimes with kids you just have to make sure they know the rules, know that there are repercussions to their actions, and follow through with them. Whether it is time-out, or a smack on the bottom. It has to be correct and consistent.

Just because discipline is consistent doesn't mean the kid will be an angel! But the effects of it will be seen many years later. The 2-3-4 year old may still be a little monster, but when he is 8,9,10 he will be MUCH easier to manage.

So don't go into that relationship thinking that you can 'bring change' or 'make a good thing here'. That's a recipe for disaster. But definitely talk to her about her ideas about discipline. Ask her if she's read up on the subject. Compare notes so that you know where SHE is coming from and not making judgements just based on how you've observed what she does.

fish2plus2 · #45 11-13-2006, 10:56 AM

pics please.

valenzuela · #46 11-13-2006, 10:59 AM

make one of your comics.

pudley4 · #47 11-13-2006, 11:01 AM

I got together with my wife when her kids (twin girls) were 3. Since the day I met her, her parenting style hasn't changed much, either with her kids (now 16), or with ours (6 and 3). This girl you're seeing isn't going to change her style much either, so give it a few more weeks and see if this was a one-time thing, or if this is the way she always treats her kid. If it's the latter, you need to ask yourself if that's how you want your own kid raised.

samjjones · #48 11-13-2006, 01:01 PM

[censored] - to quote Timothy Olyphant in "The Girl Next Door"...is the juice worth the squeeze?

Dominic · #49 11-13-2006, 03:16 PM

no hard and fast rule for a guy my age, but at your age there really is no reason to be dating someone with a child. Just remember, you will NEVER be Number One in this girl's life. the child comes first, as it he should.

But good luck.

bernie · #50 11-13-2006, 08:45 PM

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I got together with my wife when her kids (twin girls) were 3. Since the day I met her, her parenting style hasn't changed much, either with her kids (now 16), or with ours (6 and 3). This girl you're seeing isn't going to change her style much either, so give it a few more weeks and see if this was a one-time thing, or if this is the way she always treats her kid. If it's the latter, you need to ask yourself if that's how you want your own kid raised.

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More importantly, you have to ask yourself if this is something you really want to deal with on a regular basis.

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