Ever had a case of mistaken sexuality/gender?

[4thstreetpete]

Oh god, I could write a whole book on all the time that people thought I was either gay or was hit on by other guys. For whatever reason I would be constantly hit on by gay guys in my university, at clubs, at places I worked and just about every where else. If only I had the same success as I do with women as I do with guys I'd be very very happy [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] .

I really don't know why I give off this impression but I've always been very open and accepting of gay culture and just about everything else. I'm probably one of the most open minded people you'll meet. No, I'm not a closet ho mo. I'm 100% hetero thank you very much. Someone told me I had this "boyish" look, whatever.

A while back a friend and I went to a club one day with this new girl he just met. Ridiculousy cute. We met and hit it off great. We spent the whole night together just had a blast, we were pretty much all over each other. Unbeknownst to me, all night she kept asking my friend if I had a gf. My friend took it as a good sign.
Later that night me and some other friends went to an after party which apparently was frequented by the gay/lesbian community and got hit on by another guy. She couldn't make it since it was really early in the morning and had to go to work the next day. We switched numbers and I thought I had this one in the bag. We started talking and when she found out she said "I knew it!!" I knew you were gay all along [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] She then came out to me that she was indeed a lesbian and that she has known it all her life. She tells me she has a good eye for this kind of stuff. [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]

[HLMencken]

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this isnt an oot topic??? im sooo confused...

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You have to tell LONG stories, that's how they get around the issue...

Why this couldn't just be the arts & entertainment forum rather than a failed attempt at a higher brow OOT, .... I digress...

[katyseagull]

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Except of course, when I'm in the gay/lesbian crowd where most folks assume that I'm lesbian, which is actually also not correct.

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This bi thing confuses me. Are you saying you aren’t a lesbian even though you have a girlfriend? Does this mean you will refer to yourself as bi your whole life or just until you finally pick a team? I would think most people have a preference one way or the other. Guess I'm curious why people refer to themselves as "bi".

[cambraceres]

Dear HL
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Love

Cam

[AAmaz0n]

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Except of course, when I'm in the gay/lesbian crowd where most folks assume that I'm lesbian, which is actually also not correct.

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This bi thing confuses me. Are you saying you aren’t a lesbian even though you have a girlfriend? Does this mean you will refer to yourself as bi your whole life or just until you finally pick a team? I would think most people have a preference one way or the other. Guess I'm curious why people refer to themselves as "bi".

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Most folks have a very strong preference on dating people with boy parts or dating those with girl parts, and therefore think that everyone else feels the same way.

Some of us though, just feel "hey, parts are parts" and don't have a strong preference for the gender of people that we date. It's not that we are waiting to pick a team, we already have. It's just not as big a team as some of the others. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

That's not to say that I'm not picky about who I date, I'm very choosy. I just don't care much about what gender they are. If I'm attracted to them, I'll play with whatever toys they happen to have. My feelings for one of my lovers when she went from having an "outie" to an "innie" certainly didn't change, I loved her just as much with a freshly minted vagina as I did when she had a penis.

Yes, I'm in a lesbian relationship now, but I don't think that defines my sexuality as lesbian because although I am very committed to my partner, I am not committed to only ever dating women again should we not be together anymore. I hate the thought of living without Denise, but if that should happen, I really have no idea if I would be dating men women or others.

I actually don't like using "bi" since it implies that there are only two genders and I'll only date those two. Actually I'm open to dating folks with any gender and find andro/genderqueer people very attractive. Pansexual kinda captures it, but it sounds too much like I have a thing for kitchen implements. [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

I feel much the same way about gender. If someone asks an open ended question like "what gender are you?" I can go into a whole discussion of being "two spirted" and something entirely different. On the other hand, if they reduce it to a Coke/Pepsi question like "Are you a boy or a girl?" I usually just say "oh, well obviously I'm a girl." Unless I'm in a smart alec mood and I just answer "yes!" [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

I guess that most people are more comfortable with splitting the whole gender/sexuality thing into two parts and assigning everyone to one side or the other. Some of us look at it more as a spectrum, a continuum with many many points in between.

Taste the rainbow, baby. [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

Shauna

[katyseagull]

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I guess that most people are more comfortable with splitting the whole gender/sexuality thing into two parts and assigning everyone to one side or the other. Some of us look at it more as a spectrum, a continuum with many many points in between.

Taste the rainbow, baby. [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

Shauna

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Thanks for the thoughtful reply. Fascinating subject but very foreign to me. I suspect that there is a huge difference between the way we both look at the world and the way in which we define ourselves. I have very traditional views and I don't think I could ever look at the gender/sexuality thing as a spectrum. Since I was a little girl I've fantasized about men and dating only men.

The way I relate to guys is totally different from the way I relate to girls, though I have both as friends. There's never been an instance where I've ever considered a female as potential date material. It is as foreign to me as anything I can think of. The world only makes sense for me when the roles are clearly defined between two sexes and I am focused on flirting with my male counterparts. I suppose this is a biological difference in the way our brains work?

There's a prominent talk radio psychologist who doesn't acknowledge bisexuality as a valid orientation. She thinks people have a natural pull towards one gender or the other and that bi people are just experimenting or aren't fessing up to their true orientation. I'm not sure I agree with her but I'm definitely perplexed by how this type of thing can happen.

[John Cole]

Katy,

It's useful and important to distinguish between the terms "sex" and "gender." Here's a link to a short article from Wiki .

[madnak]

So, let's say you have a boyfriend, and you love him very much. He's absolutely hot and everything. And then he somehow gets trapped in the body of a woman. Now you suddenly don't love him any more?

[rwanger]

I was getting dinner at college with my student ID, which had a picture of me with almost shoulder length hair. My hair had since been cut short. She looked at the ID and the following conversation ensued:
Her: "That's not you."
Me: "Yes. It is."
Her: "No it's not, that's a girl on the ID."
Me: "No. It's not. Look again."

Her: with this look like "why would you lie straight to my face like that?", swipes the ID anyway because it's easier than putting up a fight about it.

A few freshman girls on my floor senior year thought I was gay. Then I proved them wrong...