My massive psychology post. My life seems to be at a fork.

[AJackson]

Read the whole thing. Like CTS said, sounds like you already know what you need to do. If you can't do it on your own, get help. If this girl is the one for you, move to be near her and start a new life.

[Praxis101]

Hey pttim, I always relate to your posts. When you were in the survivor thing I was like “wow that might as well be me” through most of the thing.

I. pot
Fellow pot head here. I take months off at a time, mostly to convince myself I’m not addicted and to feel 100% like me again for some time. Buuut I always end up going back. I tend to get pretty stoned and have mini-panic attacks, but they feel good after. It’s like I’m having a mental battle for a while, I get through it calmly, and feel very peaceful and content in the resolution. Weird stuff, I’m not sure how to describe it. Sometimes I get anxiety when sober, but it’s mostly a weed-induced thing for me. Quitting isn’t so bad (though it seems I smoke less in quantity than you), I just get some mood swings for a little while right after.

II. poker.
Damn, congrats on the job at nasa, how’d you end up there?
Btw, how’s weed conflict with the job at nasa? Any problems?

III. friends
I relate to this strongly. I’m a typical introvert with a very small core group of friends. I’m the only poker bum, small-time autodidactic and don’t too much feel the need for university. And when I’m with friends, I do this same sympathy-searching. But I have no idea where it comes from. My friends work their asses off, go to school, and are great all around people. I’m kind of a bum, play poker like 10 hours a week over the past 3 years, and read some books now and then. So it feels weird having this urge to complain about stuff; I say things like “you guys have it very good, good majors from good schools, good work resume, good social skills; I feel behind in all those areas.” My friends are all a year older than me, too, so it’s kind of like wtf why am I worried about this crap. That’s about it. I feel you on this, but don’t really know where it comes from.

All poker tilt comes from life. You’ve got to meditate, read, think, and be free in your own time, be content with your life, and clearly see the reason your playing poker before hand. Then just look to that clear image while you’re in the game. I rarely bring poker into conversations with friends, I feel like that’s a separate world, not quite a job, but an entirely different realm of my life. When I talk with friends about it, I pretty much talk about what that whole realm is like and don’t really get into bad-beat stuff. You know no one wants to hear it (unless it’s like…. Super super sick) :-p

IV. relationships
Never really had a super serious relationship like that. I’m kind of a bum, and haven’t really worked on relationships-jobs-and such. Pretty much just been working on me for 21 years. Meh, most of the friends I’ve had in life seem real unhappy in relationships, so I haven’t really exactly been pumped to start one.

V. where to go
How old are you?
I’m not really going to comment because I’m a humble 21-year-old with no REAL life experience yet. You’ll be alright. Meditate, eat healthy, read for pleasure sometimes, talk with friends, always work on self-improvement. Ya know, the usual advice.

uhh i don't know why i talked about ME so much. i hope some, or any of that is useful.

disclaimer: only read op gonna skim the thread now

[Praxis101]

[ QUOTE ]
(1) Smoking marijuana (especially everyday) will raise your estrogen levels markedly while reducing your body's testosterone levels. This is a major issue, especially given your current depressive state. If you can quit smoking and perhaps occasionally lift weights, you'll probably notice yourself beginning to feel more optimistic and confident.

[/ QUOTE ]

this has it's benefits though. having smoked weed for a long time, i feel like i've opened up a whole other realm of my brain and am a better all-around person for it. definitely "a major issue," but also a manageable one, depending on your lifestyle and ability to control yourself healthily. sometimes i get stuck in delusional-thinking mode for a short period of time - that happens with weed, ya, duh - but i will also simultaneously recognize it when it comes on and be normal.

[geoncic]

This is NASA, we're doing random drug tests, starting two weeks from now.

[nanamar05]

I cried.