New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG

[Big Bend]

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I've read all the replies. While I'm sensitive to the other point of view, there's no way this is fair to your wife.

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There is no solution that is fair to all parties. Obviously she has some reason to feel aggrieved, but I'd like to think that in this situation I would be tolerant.

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Life isn't fair. When you marry someone, its supposed to be thru sickness and health, good times and bad. I personally think it is totally unfair of the wife to demand the nephews be sent to foster care. If my wife suddenly had to adopt her sister's 3 kids, I don't care what the struggles were, we'd work it out as a family.

No way the kids should be sent back to foster care, not when you are perfectly capable of raising them. Yes it'll be a HUGE sacrifice for you and your wife. But that is what family is all about. Other people have had to raise kids in far more demanding circumstances than this, and they've survived it all somehow.

Dump the wife and take care of the kids by yourself if you have to. The life of a child is precious and more important than your marriage in this case. I really feel that way.

10+ years from now when the kids are grown and have a brigh future, you'll be glad you stuck it out. Turn them over to the government and things go bad, you may never forgive yourself (or your wife).

Good luck.. BB

[RoundGuy]

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Dump the wife and take care of the kids by yourself if you have to. The life of a child is precious and more important than your marriage in this case. I really feel that way.

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I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this stupid. My wife is the single, most important person in my life -- more important than my parents, siblings, and yes, even my own children.

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10+ years from now when the kids are grown and have a brigh future, you'll be glad you stuck it out.

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LOL. And be totally alone. How stupid is this?

[Toro]

"Dump the wife and take care of the kids by yourself if you have to."

Sorry, I could never do this.

[EddieMoney22]

gump - Thank you. My wife and I sat and talked yesterday and I told her I have no way to make everyone happy. I mean if The Kids end up with My Mother Great everyone is happy. Buf if they end up in Fostercare I really don't know how I will feel toward my wife ( I know that is not fair to her either) If they kids stay with us I can see my wife finally giving up and leaving (we've been married just over 6 years)

[EddieMoney22]

Well One thing is for sure and I already knew there is no single answer. But thanks all for the input. Actually reading most of these helps put things in persective. We have a court date on Dec. 14th. I will be sure to keep you all updated between now and then. But feel free to keep posting. I will continue to respond. Hopefully I can become a better member and post more often on other topics.

[oddjob]

do the kids really not care if they're put in foster care? how's the 15 yo act at your sisters? any chance of swapping that one with the 12 yo?

[microbet]

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I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this stupid. My wife is the single, most important person in my life -- more important than my parents, siblings, and yes, even my own children.

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People have different values and I think most people would find your favoring your wife over your children to be upside down. I don't love my wife less than my children, but she's an adult and if necessary she could take care of herself. I MUST take care of my children. I will do pretty much whatever is best for them regardless of what they ever do to me or how out of proportion my cost is to their benefit.

I'm not sure how far I would take it with extended relatives. Fortunately this is very unlikely to happen to me and if it did my niece is great and my wife would be happy to have her.

[theblackkeys]

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gump - Thank you. My wife and I sat and talked yesterday and I told her I have no way to make everyone happy. I mean if The Kids end up with My Mother Great everyone is happy. Buf if they end up in Fostercare I really don't know how I will feel toward my wife ( I know that is not fair to her either) If they kids stay with us I can see my wife finally giving up and leaving (we've been married just over 6 years)

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what did she say!?

[RoundGuy]

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I think most people would find your favoring your wife over your children to be upside down.

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My post sounded much colder than it is. I don't favor my wife over my children, however, in about 3 years my youngest will be off to college. In 10 years, I expect both of my children will have started their own families, and they will have a wife or husband of their own (who will, of course, be more important to them than I).

I will still be with my wife for another 30 years or so.

In that context, do you understand why I put my wife at the highest level of importance?

[Big Bend]

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Dump the wife and take care of the kids by yourself if you have to. The life of a child is precious and more important than your marriage in this case. I really feel that way.

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I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this stupid. My wife is the single, most important person in my life -- more important than my parents, siblings, and yes, even my own children.


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I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this selfish. NO WAY is a wife more important than your kids!!! If she is, then you are a terrible parent.

Wives come and go, can always get another one if necessary. But your children are you LIFE! They MUST be taken care of. People who abandon their children are the scum of the earth and deserve to be damned forever.

I love my wife of 22 years dearly, but I'd kick her to the curb in a second if she tried to keep me from raising the children I needed to take care of. Way too many self-centered a-holes out there who don't take care of their responsibilities - and the innocent children suffer as a result.

BB