Marriage without children?....And divorce

[JackAll]

slim wrote:

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Myth #1: If Parents Are Happy Their Children Will be Happy Also :
I’m sure you have heard someone say that if they divorce and are able to lead a happier life that their children will be happier also. The idea behind this myth is that a happy mom or dad automatically means happy children.
People who use this justification are projecting their own feelings onto their children. They are objectifying their children out of a need to find happiness for themselves without having to feel responsible for causing their children emotional pain.

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Do you really believe that children will not have problems living with two parents who argue and are perpetually extremely unhappy with their lives for 10+ years? Dude - buy a clue!

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Fact:
Children of divorce are more aggressive toward their parents and teachers. They experience more depression, more learning difficulties and problems getting along with their peers. They are three times more likely to be referred for psychological help. They become sexually active earlier, they are more likely to produce children out of wedlock and they are three times as likely to divorce themselves or to never marry.

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Brilliant. Compare children of divorced parents with all other children instead of comparing them only to children of parents who stayed together for the children who otherwise would have devorced.

Why are you quoting this bullsh!t. It really pisses me off when a monkey posts something without using any part of their brain to even evaulate it.

What you've just quoted is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this forum is now dumber for having read to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

[Lottery Larry]

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marriage - a life long commitment to another person


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What are your reasons for NOT getting married, to someone you feel you could have a "life-long" commitment to?

no, marriage is not about having kids, though having kids is certainly a big component.

[Klompy]

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What are your reasons for NOT getting married, to someone you feel you could have a "life-long" commitment to?

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You have to throw an expensive event which will leave you in debt for years unless you already have a sweet gig. No matter how sure you are that you love eachother there's still a very good chance that divorce will happen and marriage will screw you out of a lot of money. I'd actually like to continue having sex, which the majority of my friends have said has gone down the drain after marriage.

People shouldn't have to give reasons why they shouldn't get married, it's the other way around. This is coming from someone who has a pretty solid belief in marriage, and plans on doing it someday.

[Fast Food Knight]

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I agree with the whole traditional aspect of getting married even if you and your partner don't want kids, however, couldn't you still have the whole traditional ceremony without actually getting the government involved to certify your union?

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But then doesn't this mean you can't reap the insurance and tax benefits?

[Lottery Larry]

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You have to throw an expensive event which will leave you in debt for years unless you already have a sweet gig.

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Says who? YOU don't make your own decisions?

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No matter how sure you are that you love eachother there's still a very good chance that divorce will happen and marriage will screw you out of a lot of money.

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So, because something "bad" might happen, you won't do something you might think is "good"

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I'd actually like to continue having sex, which the majority of my friends have said has gone down the drain after marriage.

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Then it sounds as if their relationship needs work, right? How does marriage have anything to do with that?

What we really need is a comparison of sex in marriage vs. sex in long-term relationships... for older people (as in, above 25+). Otherwise, you're probably talking apples/oranges

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People shouldn't have to give reasons why they shouldn't get married, it's the other way around.

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Why? Because marriage is not something you're supposed to "want" to do? You have to be forced to do it?

[Klompy]

LL,

I just wrote a really long post arguing against all of your points, but decided it's worthless as this is simply an argument over the importance of commitment. Small sample size I know, but I've watched marriage do more harm then good in my friends. This isn't to say that marriage isn't really good for the people that it doesn't do harm though.

[Lottery Larry]

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I just wrote a really long post arguing against all of your points, but decided it's worthless as this is simply an argument over the importance of commitment.

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Damn- too bad, I would have liked to see that. It may or may not be limited to your stated argument.

In the case of relationships with kids, there's probably a good argument that making relationships harder to dissolve makes sense, and that may be the primary reason to make the commitment official, but now we can't have that debate [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[Lottery Larry]

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I agree with the whole traditional aspect of getting married even if you and your partner don't want kids, however, couldn't you still have the whole traditional ceremony without actually getting the government involved to certify your union?

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But then doesn't this mean you can't reap the insurance and tax benefits?

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Agreed- why pass up on the "benefits" that you'd get from doing so?

[RoundGuy]

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marriage - a life long commitment to another person

Besides tax and legal stuff, is there any reason to get married if you aren't going to have the children?

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I am firmly in the "no" camp. I see absolutely no reason to be married w/o children.

We had this discussion awhile back in different thread, and Blarg and one or two others blasted me when I made the following obvservations:

*The ultimate purpose of marriage is to start a family
*Marriage without kids offers nothing more than remaining single
*If my wife had told me before being married that she didn't want kids -- we would not be married
*If either of us, after marriage, had been shown to be infertile, it woud be 3:1 against that we would still be married (needs much more elaboration)
*If the unimaginable, unthinkable tragedy happened and my two teenage children died tomorrow -- it would be 50/50 that we would be together 10 years from now (needs much more elaboration)
*I adore my wife
*I did not "have" to get married
*I am a realist

I have been married 23 years.

I would be interested to see if Blarg and others still have issue with any of my points.

[Blarg]

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"I've known people who have made each other miserable, and even some who have been vengeful towards each other. These people were not healthy together, and it wasn't healthy for the kid. The trauma to the kid is inevitable in divorce. On the other hand, it's not unlikely the kid will be spared trauma if the parents stay together. So who's the winner here? That the kid wins is iffy at best, and the parents are worse off."

I have a hard time relating to this, I guess because Ive only been in one long term relationship that has been going well. If the one of the parents is a drunk, then of course I support the other parent to raise the child alone. If one person is set on being destructive, then the kid is better off having only one parent. I just can't imagine having a child, and then not seeing them X days out of the week. It seems pretty [censored] up.

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You don't have to be married to someone to see your child.