Having kids, pros and cons?

[kazana]

I'm also in the no-kids-for-me camp.

I've grown up as eldest of 6 kids, and I've seen how much work it is to raise kids. I've helped with the most basic stuff with 4 of my brothers and sisters, since I was old enough by then (after a slow start, my parents chucked out 4 kids in 5 years, I turned 15 by the time the youngest was born).

The often quoted changing of nappies (which I've done plenty, too), and similar tasks are nothing compared to all the responsibilities that come with kids. Not to mention that your own life basically goes on hold for a long time. Just getting packed up & ready to leave the house with a young kid feels like packing for a 2 week summer vacation.

My wife and I, we like it rather quiet, and we enjoy our freedom. We both need a lot of "me time" for ourselves as it is.
We also don't really like kids. We don't hate them, but neither do we get all coochie-coochie-coo when we see a cute kid covered in chocolate ice cream with a huge smile on its face. It's a great sight, no doubt, but it doesn't make us want one for ourselves.
We're also too selfish to give up our dream of living as expats in several different countries - something that we've been working towards since we were in our teens. If we had a kid, we couldn't continue that life style but would have to settle eventually.

Having said that, our verdict is not final, we've still got enough time to change our minds if we wanted to (We're 30 and 26). But I can't really see me changing in that regard. We never wanted any kids at any stage during our lives. Never say never, though.

And for all you proud & happy parents out there: I'm really happy for you. And I've seen how delighted my parents were & are with us kids. I just don't think it's my cup of tea.

[KotOD]

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It's obviously "expected" for married couples to have kids. So I'm wondering if there are any 2+2ers who could share their honest feelings about parenthood. Has anyone had kids and regretted it? Or not had kids and regretted it? I'm interested in REAL HONEST opinions about the joys/difficulties of parenthood... not just the Hallmark stuff. Was parenthood easier/more difficult than you expected? Did you like/dislike being a parent more than you thought you would? Did your relationship with your spouse change for the better/worse after kids? Etc....

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Kids, well sons, rule. Yeah, it's pretty stressful for about 12 months, but once he's able to walk and start talking, it's great. The biggest downside is the lack of sleep until the kid starts sleeping through the night. I recommend a rotating on-call schedule between the parents.

Also, most couples let "I'm tired" become an excuse for not sexin. The lack of sexin is what ends up killing most relationships, not only when there is a kid involved. This is not an option if you want to keep both parties happy.

My kid is two and a half now and he rules. He's like a mini-me, only way more talkative and he runs everywhere. Can't imagine a life without him in it.

[KotOD]

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That said, there are some days that I literally want to run away ... maybe that's too harsh. Make that, take a week-break or something. I don't get to have too much fun with friends, my wife and I don't get to spend quality time with just each other, I don't get nearly enough sleep, my son is in love with mommy and just kind've tolerates me (not really, but it feels that way sometimes), and I feel pressure to do/don't do things that I really do/don't want to do.

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I highly recommend grandparents. My kid spends two weekends a month at her parent's house -- he leaves Thursday night and comes back Sunday morning.

[Fast Food Knight]

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I highly recommend grandparents. My kid spends two weekends a month at her parent's house -- he leaves Thursday night and comes back Sunday morning.

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This sounds awesome. I am definitely going to do this.

[Ser William]

I have a 3 yr old boy and a 1 yr old daughter. I knew I wanted kids someday but if it had been left up to me we might still be waiting. The financial hit is incredible especially if you are forced to put them in daycare. Your schedule is turned upside down and you look forward to having small moments of alone time.

Was it worth it? Hell yes. However, I have friends who don't want to have kids, and I don't ever try and change their mind. It sounds to me like you aren't ready to have kids, so don't, and don't feel bad about it either.

[KotOD]

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I highly recommend grandparents. My kid spends two weekends a month at her parent's house -- he leaves Thursday night and comes back Sunday morning.

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This sounds awesome. I am definitely going to do this.

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Yeah, it's like being newlyweds for six days a month. We get to do pretty much whatever we want again: getting hammered, nice dinners, weekend trips, sleeping until noon, and her parents end up thanking us repeatedly for the privilege of being permitted to keep him.

[SlackerMcFly]

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Having said that, our verdict is not final, we've still got enough time to change our minds if we wanted to (We're 30 and 26). But I can't really see me changing in that regard. We never wanted any kids at any stage during our lives. Never say never, though.


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Women reach a point in their lives where the NEED to bear a child is overwhelming and non-negotiable. A woman under the age of 28 isn't anywhere near the person she will be at age 32 and tick-tick-tick syndrome sets in.

My wife and I never really considered having kids. We had a great time together, took trips, had plenty of funds and no need to have a child.

Then it hit her at age 33. The absolute, overwhelming, all-encompassing desire to have a child dominated everything about our relationship, our lives and her thoughts for more than 2 years. Men aren't capable of understanding this phenomenon.

We were both miserable, stressed and worried sick this whole time. That was magnified due to 2 mis-carriages. Horrid times.

Fast-forward 12 years: My son is wonderful, talented, funny, smart and good-looking. All parents say that about their kids......

Becoming a father is the absolute best thing in the world. Nothing has changed me as much or taught me as much in my life. As others have said, until you are a "brother" in the fraternity of fatherhood, you won't understand just how fantastic kids are.

There simply is no greater joy than being hubby and daddy and it gets better every year. Unbelieveably challenging and rewarding to be a parent.

Besides, you just might not have a choice in the matter as your woman gets older.

DaddyMcSlack

[DrewDevil]

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Having said that, our verdict is not final, we've still got enough time to change our minds if we wanted to (We're 30 and 26). But I can't really see me changing in that regard. We never wanted any kids at any stage during our lives. Never say never, though.


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Women reach a point in their lives where the NEED to bear a child is overwhelming and non-negotiable. A woman under the age of 28 isn't anywhere near the person she will be at age 32 and tick-tick-tick syndrome sets in.

My wife and I never really considered having kids. We had a great time together, took trips, had plenty of funds and no need to have a child.

Then it hit her at age 33. The absolute, overwhelming, all-encompassing desire to have a child dominated everything about our relationship, our lives and her thoughts for more than 2 years. Men aren't capable of understanding this phenomenon.

We were both miserable, stressed and worried sick this whole time. That was magnified due to 2 mis-carriages. Horrid times.

Fast-forward 12 years: My son is wonderful, talented, funny, smart and good-looking. All parents say that about their kids......

Becoming a father is the absolute best thing in the world. Nothing has changed me as much or taught me as much in my life. As others have said, until you are a "brother" in the fraternity of fatherhood, you won't understand just how fantastic kids are.

There simply is no greater joy than being hubby and daddy and it gets better every year. Unbelieveably challenging and rewarding to be a parent.

Besides, you just might not have a choice in the matter as your woman gets older.

DaddyMcSlack

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QFT, especially the part about the biological clock thing.

You know that part in When Harry Met Sally where Sally's just found out that her ex-bf is getting married and she's sobbing to Harry? This exchange occurs:

Sally [sobbing]: And I'm gonna be 40...
Harry: When?
Sally [sobbing]: Someday...
Harry: 8 years!
Sally: Yes, but it's OUT THERE...

My wife says this is the single most accurate insight into the mind of a 32-year-old woman she's ever seen. Many women fear being childless at age 40 with the same intensity that men fear death. No joke.

[dylan's alias]

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We also don't really like kids. We don't hate them, but neither do we get all coochie-coochie-coo when we see a cute kid covered in chocolate ice cream with a huge smile on its face. It's a great sight, no doubt, but it doesn't make us want one for ourselves.

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I had no interest in anyone else's kids (and I still don't). There is something very different when it is your own.


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We're also too selfish to give up our dream of living as expats in several different countries - something that we've been working towards since we were in our teens. If we had a kid, we couldn't continue that life style but would have to settle eventually.

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This is a very good point, and it doesn't make you selfish. Live your life out, do what you dreamed of doing. I always knew I wanted kids, and I love being a dad. There are definitely huge sacrifices that my wife and I are making, but this is something we want to do together.

The real truth is that people who don't have kids really don't know what they are missing. That isn't a negative comment, I mean that very literally. They just don't know.

I think the most important thing is to be able to look back on the life-changing decisions that you make and realize that they have made you into the person you are. Hopefully you'll be happy in the end with your choices. There are plenty of miserable couples both with and without children. Don't be one of them and you are way ahead of the game.

[kazana]

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Having said that, our verdict is not final, we've still got enough time to change our minds if we wanted to (We're 30 and 26). But I can't really see me changing in that regard. We never wanted any kids at any stage during our lives. Never say never, though.


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Women reach a point in their lives where the NEED to bear a child is overwhelming and non-negotiable. A woman under the age of 28 isn't anywhere near the person she will be at age 32 and tick-tick-tick syndrome sets in.
...
Besides, you just might not have a choice in the matter as your woman gets older.

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When I was around 26 I was living with my then gf of 30, she had exactly that "ticking". So, I think I know what you went through. Needless to say that was the reason for me breaking it off eventually after countless fights & beggings.

I won't let me get pushed into getting a kid if I don't want to have one myself. If push comes to shove, I'd rather give up the relationship than trying to "save" it by having a baby that I don't want. I understand that a part of that may be considered "natural", but I refuse to give up the life style that I want and can achieve.