Weighty issue I feel powerless to handle (Longest Post Ever OMG)

[Banks2334]

Joker,
Your girl may be 27, but she still has a lot of growing up to do. I don't see this relationship working even if you somehow win this battle. Hope for the best, but expect the worst.

On a lighter note, you could always have "Boss" buy you out. Profit.

[AJackson]

From what you wrote, there is nothing you personally can do. I think your only hope is to get her with a therapist who understands these issues. The only way for this to come to a resolution that you want is for her to overcome these deep seated psychological pressures.

I would do this quickly, it's going to take some time for her to work through this, if she can work through it at all.

In the end, though, we're responsible for our own choices. Even though her choices are heavily influenced by her background, she is still capable of making choices. And if she choices the life you described that is her burden and I would believe that anyone capable of putting themselves in that situation wouldn't make that good of a partner for me.

[7ontheline]

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I'm having trouble understanding what Catholicism has to do with any of this.

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Really? You don't see how someone who is described as EXTREMELY religious might be even more inclined to want someone "appropriate" for her daughter and might not have the most flexible viewpoints? Plus, Joker is Jewish and engages in pre-marital sin (horrors!), which as was previously mentioned are two more strikes against him.

[Gary The Retard]

Post deleted by El Diablo

[kkcountry]

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I'm having trouble understanding what Catholicism has to do with any of this.

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Really? You don't see how someone who is described as EXTREMELY religious might be even more inclined to want someone "appropriate" for her daughter and might not have the most flexible viewpoints? Plus, Joker is Jewish and engages in pre-marital sin (horrors!), which as was previously mentioned are two more strikes against him.

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she could be just as fanatical about her faith and just as illogical about the situation if she was a member of dozens of other churches.

[slickpoppa]

PJ,

The situation is actually quite simple and I think you know that. The only questions that need to be answered are:
1) Is your girlfriend capable of saying no to her parents about the arranged marriage?
2) And even if she is capable of doing that, would she ever have the courage to tell them she will be marrying a white atheist of Jewish ancestry?

If the answer to either of those questions is no, then obviously you are wasting your time with this chick and staying with her any longer will only increase the pain. The only thing you can really do is figure out how long you are willing to wait for her to answer those questions. Personally, I think that anyone who would even consider for a minute accepting an arranged marriage is crazy and not worth my time. And I bet thats how the rational person inside of you feels as well.

Don't worry about it too much. There are like over 500 million Chinese females out there and I bet a lot of them like the white kosher sausage.

[MitchL]

Wow dude mixing traditional Chinese custom w/ Catholicism=insanity. Cant imagine imagine what the family would think about her dating a jewish poker player. If you have any future w/ her the family will probably have to be out of the picture. So this little episode might work out better for you, because to have any kind of normal life she will either have to become estranged from her parents or her mom will have to change her mind about her cultural beliefs(never gonna happen). So I know you dont want to hear this, but it will save you alot of time and hurt to find out her decision now rather than 2 years down the road when her mother forbids her from seeing you. Also, you cant really pressure her in this situation w/o risking possible resentment, but she needs to understand that her mother is being extremely hypocritical to her own religous beleifs. Dont think Catholicism advocates selling ones daughter off to horny rich guys. Not sure what Chinese custom is in this area, but the simple fact is that she seems to want to cherry pick between several competing cultural beliefs. I mean honestly-a traditional-Chinese-Catholic-living in America? Sorry, but you dont get to force this incoherent world-view on anybody.

[El Diablo]

pj,

How serious are you about this girl? If she didn't have these crazy family issues, would you think this a likely long-term relationship?

[private joker]

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pj,

How serious are you about this girl? If she didn't have these crazy family issues, would you think this a likely long-term relationship?

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Yes. I'm not ready to get married yet (ideally I'd like to live with her for a year and make sure everything's as compatible then as it is now), but I'm more serious about her than anyone I've been with in a while. I'm picky about girls, and tend to get bored with them or find flaws early on, and if this were just a chick I liked a lot and was great in the sack, I wouldn't have written this post (I still almost didn't write it). I've moved on before and I would have moved on now.

But yeah, I'm falling for this one pretty hard so I'm going to see it through.

To make a poker metaphor out of it (and to be pessimistic/honest), I'd say I'm drawing to about 3 outs on the flop -- I can understand why most people here are recommending I muck it now. But my implied odds here are [censored] huge.

Anyway, responses so far have been great; thanks everyone for giving such a great variety of experiences and opinions from different vantage points.

[hanster]

I like how you're keeping your heads up and not whining like most of the guys would do when encountered this situation, especially this:

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I know it sounds like some melodramatic movie – it’s Romeo + Juliet meets Farewell My Concubine or something.

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And

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To make a poker metaphor out of it (and to be pessimistic/honest), I'd say I'm drawing to about 3 outs on the flop -- I can understand why most people here are recommending I muck it now. But my implied odds here are [censored] huge.

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My dad has always told me to stay away from Shanghainese girls. But then again, May has been completely Americanized and am part of a devout Catholic family. I am in no way shape or form able to give you any advice except to wish you good luck.