Why I Am Not An Atheist, by Bertrand Trout

[KilgoreTrout]

tl;dr - spent some time pondering. I now allow for the existence of beings that we may call "gods," but I still see no reason to worship them. So I don't consider myself an atheist anymore. Boo frikkin hoo.
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Until Saturday, at around 10:00 a.m., I had considered myself to be an atheist. I was sitting on my back stoop, watching the birds at my feeders and at the birdbath, when I heard the shrill cry of a hawk in the distance. I craned my neck and squinted through a gap in the trees and there she was - a yearling red tail - perched atop a large fir tree a couple of streets over.

Then the perspective hit me as I pulled on my cigar and the smoke wafted away. I was viewing a model of the universe. I was seated at a point. Open air between me and the objects I was observing represented space. My nearest neighbors - some tomato plants, grass, the feeders - could be nearby worlds. The leaves on the trees could be distant stars, each bubbling with worlds of their own. I was surrounded by a model of the vastness of space. And it wasn't even chemically induced!

So I started mulling things over. The narrow gap in the foliage afforded me a clear-tunnel view of the hawk - sort of like observing a distant world through a telescope. On the periphery of my model, if each leaf, branch, insect, bird, etc. represented a "world," I wondered whether it was likely if any of theses "worlds" contained life - remember, it's only a model - and it seemed that the odds were pretty good. After all, I find it hard to believe we're the only ones out there - or here, depending on whose stoop you're perched on.

If I am but one among many and indeed my world is but one among many, then it seemed pretty likely that I am not at the apex of the interstellar food chain. Why, that hawk could fly on over to my stoop - my world - and peck my eyes out. And perhaps something like that did happen to my ancestors – some interstellar raptor flew on down and pecked the crap out of everything. And maybe my ancestors, out of fear or reverence or just lack of understanding bowed their heads and made offerings of sacrifice to the interstellar raptor.

Then I recalled Anselm's ontological argument. I was, at that moment, conceiving of a being greater than myself (not necessarily that than which nothing greater can exist - I'm not that vain). Perhaps, in the vastness of space, beings exist with powers vastly superior to my own. Maybe there are Samanthas who wiggle their noses or blink others out of existence, or interstellar raptors who poop on my car. Who knows? I was allowing for a being greater than me. This bothered my atheism.

Near the end of my cigar it dawned on me that the notion of God isn't the issue. If some green dude beams down to earth and starts smiting people or some bird of prey wormholes its way here and eats my cat and then turns hungrily to me, I don't care what he's called. My problem is with worshiping such beings. That I cannot do.

It simply makes no sense to me to worship such beings- to expect that such beings take an interest in me or my world. Yeah, maybe they visited here before and that's the source of all religion, but why waste the time worshipping? Why delude ourselves by thinking that They give a rat's tuchus? Pascal's wager be damned.

I don't need worship to have personal responsibility. Whether or not there are little green men, or Samanthas, or Gods has no impact on how I act freely and rationally. I therefore can allow for such beings to exist, much in the same way that I know planet smashing asteroids exist. It's just so far removed from what I can control that their existence doesn't matter, and it has no impact on how I live my life.

So, I no longer consider myself an "atheist." Beings that we small-minded humans might consider "gods" could very well exist. Allowing for this changes nothing, though. I see no need to worship them.