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#1
12-01-2007, 12:58 PM
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Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] I have no clue what to say. This is so [censored] up, she found out this morning and I just found out about it a few hours ago. He was 25, her oldest brother. I really don't know what to do or what to say to her. Any advice is appreciated. thanks. [/ QUOTE ] The truth about the situation is that you know there were big problems in that person's life, of which a 95% chance that it had to do with their family, and thus the girl you are talking about has some issues (most likely unexplored issues), and now you are affraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. If you want to help someone, you *have* to open up the discussion about the core of the matter. [/ QUOTE ] OP, I'm not sure what you should do, but definitely ignore this guy. 
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#2
12-01-2007, 02:48 PM
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Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] I have no clue what to say. This is so [censored] up, she found out this morning and I just found out about it a few hours ago. He was 25, her oldest brother. I really don't know what to do or what to say to her. Any advice is appreciated. thanks. [/ QUOTE ] The truth about the situation is that you know there were big problems in that person's life, of which a 95% chance that it had to do with their family, and thus the girl you are talking about has some issues (most likely unexplored issues), and now you are affraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. If you want to help someone, you *have* to open up the discussion about the core of the matter. [/ QUOTE ] no. unless op is a psychologist he should not be the one asking these questions. trying to open up discussion about why he killed himself when she is still grieving seems like a horrible idea. if she wants to talk to him about it she will edit: all he needs to do is be available. the fact that you would suggest that is an indictment of your own arrogance and possibly a lack of empathy
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#3
12-01-2007, 04:24 PM
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Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] I have no clue what to say. This is so [censored] up, she found out this morning and I just found out about it a few hours ago. He was 25, her oldest brother. I really don't know what to do or what to say to her. Any advice is appreciated. thanks. [/ QUOTE ] The truth about the situation is that you know there were big problems in that person's life, of which a 95% chance that it had to do with their family, and thus the girl you are talking about has some issues (most likely unexplored issues), and now you are affraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. If you want to help someone, you *have* to open up the discussion about the core of the matter. [/ QUOTE ] no. unless op is a psychologist he should not be the one asking these questions. trying to open up discussion about why he killed himself when she is still grieving seems like a horrible idea. if she wants to talk to him about it she will edit: all he needs to do is be available. [/ QUOTE ] I'm not arguing against being available. I'm also not arguing against letting her come to you. What I am arguing for is being aware that this must come to the table somehow. And when people start dying that's a sign that there isn't much time to lose.
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#4
12-01-2007, 04:51 PM
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Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide
Nielsio,
I dont want to derail this thread, but the fact of the matter is that people without training are not equipped to deal with the issues surrounding suicide. Whether its the underlying issues that caused the brother's suicide and whether they are present with the friend, or whether its the issues that this suicide may cause with the friend, that kind of emotional baggage is way out of a non-professoinal's depth. There are certain situations where you can encourage somebody to seek help, but its a very very delicate line to balance. Many people still see going to a mental health professional as somehow stigmatizing them, and you suggesting it may do more harm than good. If you anticipate that suggestion will be met with hostility to the point of undermining the support you are trying to provide as a friend it is probably not the best time to broach the subject. Obviously if you are worried about somebody close to you harming themselves though its a whole different ballgame.
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#5
12-01-2007, 08:09 PM
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Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] I have no clue what to say. This is so [censored] up, she found out this morning and I just found out about it a few hours ago. He was 25, her oldest brother. I really don't know what to do or what to say to her. Any advice is appreciated. thanks. [/ QUOTE ] The truth about the situation is that you know there were big problems in that person's life, of which a 95% chance that it had to do with their family, and thus the girl you are talking about has some issues (most likely unexplored issues), and now you are affraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. If you want to help someone, you *have* to open up the discussion about the core of the matter. [/ QUOTE ] no. unless op is a psychologist he should not be the one asking these questions. trying to open up discussion about why he killed himself when she is still grieving seems like a horrible idea. if she wants to talk to him about it she will edit: all he needs to do is be available. [/ QUOTE ] I'm not arguing against being available. I'm also not arguing against letting her come to you. What I am arguing for is being aware that this must come to the table somehow. And when people start dying that's a sign that there isn't much time to lose. [/ QUOTE ] What you are saying is insanely dumb. You should stop posting in this thread.
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#7
12-01-2007, 01:00 PM
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Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide
Everyone reacts differently to these situations, but there are some little things you can do that are somewhat universal.
Bring over some food. When someone is grieving it's tough to do the little things like shopping, cooking or even bothering to eat. So coming over with some food and dining with her will make a difference. Keep her active. You don't have to force her to do things she doesn't want to do, but keep up with the suggestions and gentle prodding. Have her spend some time with little kids that don't know what happened. Tell some jokes, goof around a little now and then. Some laughter can be great therapy. She'll want to talk about her brother and what happened, listen to what she has to say.
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#8
12-01-2007, 01:48 PM
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Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide
I lost a family member to suicide last year.
My emphatic advice to you is to be there. By "be there" I mean, call her. Even if she doesn't call you back, call her. Invite her to do random, unimportant crap. You don't have to talk about it. Just be with her, contact her, whatever you do, DON'T avoid it because it's an uncomfortable situation. I will never forget how absolutely left out in the cold I felt from the reactions of some of my "good" friends. Also, this applies not only for now and this week but next week, and the next. Two months from now she will still be feeling awful and I PROMISE will appreciate efforts you make to spend time with her and check up on her. And let me reiterate - if she doesn't call you back, don't take it personally. And don't stop trying.
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