Ask the Lounge About Men - Page 39

Blarg · #**381** 05-20-2007, 03:36 PM

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What about with the Faces, or immediately post-Faces? Every Picture Tells A Story, that's good [censored]. Just tell 'em to get the era right next time.

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Yeah, he gets better and worse, but I'm still quite fine with hearing his best only once every couple or few years.

Blarg · #**382** 05-20-2007, 03:43 PM

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Yet you're still making it tough by wanting people to guess! This is the same thing we criticize when women do it.

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huh? No I'm not making them guess. I really don't care what they get me if they are intent on getting me something. It makes no difference if it is something I don't want and would never use, watch, listen to or wear. For me it really is about the wrapped up box and the thought behind it.

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While its the thought that counts, if someone was thoughtful enough to ask you what you want, you should be equally thoughtful and give them some suggestions.

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Agreed.

And people of course want to please. If they're going to the trouble of getting you a gift, it's not because they don't give a f*ck about you or about you liking the gift. They want to succeed with this gift giving thing! Maybe more than you want them to - they want you to not just like everything the same, but their gift especially. It's kind of like if you kiss a new romantic prospect -- do you want them to be solidly satisified that you were nice enough to make the attempt? and to think that any kiss will do, and that means that yours is great too? Heck no -- they want you to like it! That kiss specifically, right here right now!

So people are of course going to try to guess if you won't tell them outright. What else would they do? That puts all the pressure on them. This kind of thing has tones of passive-aggressiveness, even if you can't see it.

Help people out who are trying to be nice to you! Trust me, people don't want you to be just as happy with their gift as if it were a well-wrapped empty box or had something completely anonymous inside.

fyodor · #**383** 05-20-2007, 04:14 PM

Telling someone what to get me spoils the whole gift giving process for me. If they really need a suggestion, after some insistence I will tell them.

Let me requote katy's original question which is what I was responding to in the first place:

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When you ask a guy what he would like for his birthday (or Christmas or whatever), and he says "You don't need to get me anything," Does he mean it? Like if you press him and he insists "Nothing," should you take it seriously?

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So for me the answer is in the future don't ask. It doesn't matter what you get me. I will be pleased with anything.

MrWookie · #**384** 05-20-2007, 05:50 PM

I both agree and disagree w/ you Fyodor. I see how giving a specific suggestion kinda spoils the surprise, but you can also consider naming things that are a little more general. Like, I can tell my mom that I could use a new shirt and tie for Christmas, but she'll pick out the colors and the pairing etc. What she comes up with is still a surprise. With some things, it's harder to give a suggestion that has some breadth, but you might consider thinking of a few standbys like this that gives people a clue, but doesn't completely spell things out.

gorie · #**385** 05-20-2007, 06:13 PM

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gorie?

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ok, i'm not rly one to care much about fashion, or purses, or whatever...

but srsly,

WHY DO YOU ASSUME I WOULD CARRY A DOILY ATTACHED TO A POCKET ATTACHED TO ROPE.

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ughhh, i'm furious.

ChipWrecked · #**386** 05-20-2007, 07:19 PM

gooooooooooorie!

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ChipWrecked · #**387** 05-20-2007, 07:26 PM

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so one year i opened it up at Christmas and didn't even pretend to be excited...i just held it up and said, "does anyone want this?")...that fixed it.

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I'll bet it did. I'd never get you another present the rest of your [censored] life if you were in my family and said something that [censored] rude. Wow.

fyodor · #**388** 05-20-2007, 07:29 PM

God my communication skills really suck big time. I don't care if you agree with me or disagree with me or whether I'm right or wrong or whether I should change my attitude or whether it's fair or unfair to the person asking the question.

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When you ask a guy what he would like for his birthday (or Christmas or whatever), and he says "You don't need to get me anything

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If I am the guy who just answered that question and you want to know what I mean, what I mean is I don't care what you get me. I will be pleased that you got me something. I am not saying don't get me anything but it doesn't really matter. I value your friendship above trinkets.

All I am trying to do here is asnwer katy's question because I have been known to answer that particular question with that particular answer. katy wasn't asking if my attitude sucked or was right or wrong. She just wanted to know what it meant.

fyodor · #**389** 05-20-2007, 07:32 PM

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so one year i opened it up at Christmas and didn't even pretend to be excited...i just held it up and said, "does anyone want this?")...that fixed it.

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I'll bet it did. I'd never get you another present the rest of your [censored] life if you were in my family and said something that [censored] rude. Wow.

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Agreed. I can't imagine doing that to my mother. Perhaps pryor's relationship with his mother is a lot different than mine. I can't think of anyone in my life though that I could get away with something like that.

Anacardo · #**390** 05-20-2007, 07:43 PM

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so one year i opened it up at Christmas and didn't even pretend to be excited...i just held it up and said, "does anyone want this?")...that fixed it.

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I'll bet it did. I'd never get you another present the rest of your [censored] life if you were in my family and said something that [censored] rude. Wow.

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Pryor keeps it mad real.