Personal / dating / whatever life situation general advice thread

[PITTM]

Why is it that I broke up with someone over 2 months ago, yet I'm still having a really hard time talking to new girls lately?

[jeffnc]

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But anyway, the point I wanted to add is that while hot women are short-term more desirable, they do like validation/attention, and they're going to be getting it and wanting it from a lot of men during your time with them. There are so many different ways this can manifest in problems.

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this isn't really an accurate statement

women who have been good looking from high school on, know how to deal with and handle attention from guys (as in other guys), and they can do it in a way that will not make you feel uncomfortable if they so choose to - so basically those problems are avoidable to a degree, and depend greatly on her and how jealous / controlling you act

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It's a very true statement. You're commenting on one of the many problems that can arise, and even then you're only going to be right part of the time.

[jeffnc]

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There is also the getting addicted to the lifestyle aspect. The fact that ageing hurts the marketability of a female at a far greater rate then it does a male. I'm sure I could think of a few others if I had to but these alone are enough to ensure a girl would never consider cheating.

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Not sure what planet you're dating on, but women cheat on men (and vice versa) every day. Good looking, bad looking, rich, poor, there aren't any real boundaries. By no means are attractive women living good lifestyles immune to cheating or being cheated on.

[Henry17]

So if I'm understanding you. It is better to be in serious relationships with girls that are average since they are less maintenance and less likely to cheat?

[Henry17]

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Not sure what planet you're dating on, but women cheat on men (and vice versa) every day. Good looking, bad looking, rich, poor, there aren't any real boundaries. By no means are attractive women living good lifestyles immune to cheating or being cheated on.

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I know people cheat. I've never been cheated on but I've been the other man a few times. As such I know exactly what motivated those girls to cheat. When a women cheats it is because there is something the guy is going wrong. A girl who is treated properly does not cheat.

[jeffnc]

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So if I'm understanding you. It is better to be in serious relationships with girls that are average since they are less maintenance and less likely to cheat?

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No, not necessarily. I'm simply saying that many very attractive women have problems and cause problems, of many sorts. It might be issues they are dealing with themselves, issues they force you to deal with, infidelity, lack of commitment, etc etc. You might find one that has no such issues. You might feel that whatever problems are worth it. You might find a better-than-average-but-less-than-10 (in your terminology) that works better. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm telling you there are problems associated with very attractive women.

It's not really a very controversial thing. It's an extension of more general problems certain types of people of both sexes have (famous models, celebrities, actors, etc.)

[jeffnc]

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I've never been cheated

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As far as you know (and there's no way you could know for sure.) And that's assuming you're telling the truth :-)

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As such I know exactly what motivated those girls to cheat. When a women cheats it is because there is something the guy is going wrong. A girl who is treated properly does not cheat.

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You've been the other guy a couple times so you have the world all figured out now huh? Sorry, you don't. Lots of women who have been "treated properly" cheat.

You sound like a guy who can get a few chicks. What are you - like 28? Sorry man, you're still a kid. If you're actually 45 and have some real experience then I stand corrected.

[Henry17]

I'm 34 so half way between the two. And I stick by the women cheat because they are bored. Relationships start off all exciting but then get boring. It could be argued it is both parties responsibility to keep things exciting but normally it is the guy who stops doing a lot of the stuff he use to do. If you keep a girl feeling special she won't cheat.

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You've been the other guy a couple times so you have the world all figured out now huh? Sorry, you don't. Lots of women who have been "treated properly" cheat.

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The reason I'm confident is because I was able to get those girls to cheat by exploiting whatever it was that wasn't being done. Honestly most guys are on their best behaviour until the relationship gets serious then they do the minimum. Of course if someone comes around and pays the girl some attention she is going to jump. But if the guy had kept doing everything he did at the beginning and actually more then it wouldn't happen.

I've actually had my male friends yell at me because when my Gf talks to their's they get in trouble. So obviously they are not doing enough. I think that is not uncommon.

[jackflashdrive]

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When a women cheats it is because there is something the guy is going wrong. A girl who is treated properly does not cheat.

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This sounds like a very convenient rationalization for doing another guys girl.

Although FWIW I have to say that in my case my wife would not have cheated if I would have treated her better, so there's one data point in your favor.

[Henry17]

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This sounds like a very convenient rationalization for doing another guys girl.

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Why would I want to rationalize that? I don't believe in dibs or she is taken or whatever. So long as the guy is not actually a close friend of mine then I don't care if she is in a relationship or not.