Personal / dating / whatever life situation general advice thread

[JanelleBB7]

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does "taking a break" in a long term relationship actually work? anyone have experiences with it? also, any experiences with bringing it up to your significant other out of nowhere would be appreciated. k great

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When I said this it = breaking up with you but don't want to have to deal with the long terrible session of WHY WHY...

[jackflashdrive]

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does "taking a break" in a long term relationship actually work? anyone have experiences with it? also, any experiences with bringing it up to your significant other out of nowhere would be appreciated. k great

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I think asking to 'take a break' can mean different things to different people, but regardless of what it means you are almost always better off just cutting loose and moving on. This is my experience, that you just can't put the genie back in the lamp.

[jeffnc]

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If we assume that all qualities of women are independent variables (which I believe they are). Then it make perfect sense to exclude everyone but the most attractive from consideration. Getting to know if someone is intelligent takes at least a few conversations. Finding out if they are attractive takes one second. Consider it a form of triage.

Since at time zero you know nothing about her and assuming all other qualities are independent of physical attractiveness then you are no worse off excluding all girls who are not hot enough. It in no way lowers your probability of finding this great match.

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That's all completely logical and rational. Similar to the old saying girl's had - it just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man.

But anyway, the point I wanted to add is that while hot women are short-term more desirable, they do like validation/attention, and they're going to be getting it and wanting it from a lot of men during your time with them. There are so many different ways this can manifest in problems.

[jeffnc]

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The less you know about a girl, the easier it is to create an imagine in your head of how perfect she is and what a perfect match she would be for you. It's sort of pointless and pretty much never true or productive. Wish I had learned that many years ago!

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Yeah, some call that "projecting". It started way back in chivalrous, medieval days (maybe even before) with the concept of "romantic love". They "loved" these fair maidens but really didn't know them, and just did gentlemanly, chivalrous stuff. As here
http://www.amazon.com/We-Understanding-P...6067133-7993631

[jackflashdrive]

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The point wasn't that hot women can't be soul mates it was really about not limiting yourself to only people you consider to be (or others consider to be) a 10. There is no reason you can't date attractive people but saying someone is a certain # on some stupid hotness scale and using this as a method of picking the women you date is not the best way to go about finding either a GF or "soul mate" or just a person to have fun with. There are so many other considerations other than typifiying women by stupid #'s.

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I do not like the use of the number system but it does save on typing and work as a shorthand for the most physically attractive girls. That plus some other poster had already introduced a duel grading system with numbers for body and face so I was just continuing his nomenclature.

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This is to Janelle, Henry, or anyone:

What's not to like about a 1 - 10 scale (which, uh, certainly didn't originate with me), which imo concisely communicates a lot of relevant information. Do I need to spell out the relevance?

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[keikiwai]

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But anyway, the point I wanted to add is that while hot women are short-term more desirable, they do like validation/attention, and they're going to be getting it and wanting it from a lot of men during your time with them. There are so many different ways this can manifest in problems.

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this isn't really an accurate statement

women who have been good looking from high school on, know how to deal with and handle attention from guys (as in other guys), and they can do it in a way that will not make you feel uncomfortable if they so choose to - so basically those problems are avoidable to a degree, and depend greatly on her and how jealous / controlling you act

[JanelleBB7]

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But anyway, the point I wanted to add is that while hot women are short-term more desirable, they do like validation/attention, and they're going to be getting it and wanting it from a lot of men during your time with them. There are so many different ways this can manifest in problems.

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Actually I disagree with this... it is women who are not that attractive that need a great deal of validation. it is the insecurity of the partner that becomes more a problem.

[traz]

it's a gender thing, not a number thing

[JanelleBB7]

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What's not to like about a 1 - 10 scale (which, uh, certainly didn't originate with me), which imo concisely communicates a lot of relevant information. Do I need to spell out the relevance?

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People just don't like to be defined by a # was the only point we were making... I see the relevance to a certain degree but to constantly refer to someone that way under estimated other factors of who they are for instance when you refer to a girl's personality you do not say she has a 10 personality you describe those traits.

[Henry17]

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But anyway, the point I wanted to add is that while hot women are short-term more desirable, they do like validation/attention, and they're going to be getting it and wanting it from a lot of men during your time with them. There are so many different ways this can manifest in problems.

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I see this as a positive (that they get attention paid to them). I don't want to be with a girl who is with me because she doesn't have other offers. I'm self-confident so it doesn't bother me. It also keeps me on my toes to keep her happy so that she won't find a better guy.

There is also the getting addicted to the lifestyle aspect. The fact that ageing hurts the marketability of a female at a far greater rate then it does a male. I'm sure I could think of a few others if I had to but these alone are enough to ensure a girl would never consider cheating.