SERIOUS TOPIC: Friend dying, son wants to send wife to mental

[joes28]

wow mind your own business. If i was the son and you came up and started giving me [censored] like this, I would seriously jack you in the face.

I think you may be underestimating the wifes dementia, as there tends to be good days and bad days, and it is likely that they wouldnt have company when she is having a bad day.

oh and mental hospitals arent prisons, if you dont belong there, you get out. Im sure she would be fine in a nursing home since most nursing homes have a ton of alzhiemer patients, but whats the diff between the two anyways?

[garcia1000]

Because the stakes are so high, you will want to be pretty certain (at least 95% confidence interval) that what you do will be more positive than leaving things alone.

For example, here are things which you stated as fact, or implied, but may not be true:

- The son does not like the mother.
- The son is in it solely for the money. (Evidence provided: he doesn't visit often, QED.)
- The wife is entitled to half (this conflicts with "Husband's will gives all money to son"
- The wife can absolutly take care of herself with some help

It also sounds as if you are biased against the son. For example:

[ QUOTE ]
apparently he claims that the wife had some medical tests done and they determined she has dementia and is unable to take care of herselt (sic)

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a serious implied accusation, with no evidence, that the son falsified test results or applied undue pressure on the test conductor (i.e. slander.) Trying to sugarcoat it by saying 'apparently he claimed' doesn't work.

With a biased viewpoint, your chances of intervening successfully and causing a positive change goes down.

If I was the couple, I wouldn't want someone such as you interfering in my affairs. What I would appreciate would be an impartial and intelligent person helping to clarify things.

You are not the impartial and intelligent person they need, because you have already planned your actions without the necessary information. Any further information you gather (e.g. wife's fitness, son's viewpoint, husband's wishes) will be tainted by your already-decided plan of action.

[sonneti]

I disagree with all this mind your own business crap, I'd rather jump off a building than spend my dying days in a mental home. Speak with the husband & ask him how he wants his wife to be taken care of.

[luckyjimm]

Alzehimers is a progressive illness and she will eventually have to go to a special care home. Either they wouldn't take her in a normal retirement home or she'd eventually get kicked out.

[gilper]

Everyone on here talking [censored] about how evil it is to put this woman in a nursing home or Alzheimer's unit have no idea what kind of care Alzheimer's patients require. Until you have to put your own parent into one you can just shut the [censored] up.

Alzheimer's patients require constant supervision/care. This can be done in the early stages in the home but in the later stages quite often one will need specialized facilities. Things like barrier free bathrooms with a hand shower, toilets with grab bars and large enough for two people and sometimes a bidet. All the doors, corridors, etc. need to be sized for walkers, wheelchairs etc. And no stairs of any kind. Most homes are actually quite dangerous for someone with Alzheimer’s

If the son works then he can't possibly provide the care himself. A live in caregiver may work for the short term but she will eventually need to be placed in a facility. Many Alzheimer's patients don't deal with change well; it may make sense to place her in the facility now to avoid several different living conditions down the road.

These facilities also offer activities and events designed for Alzheimer's patients. How many of you experts knew that Alzheimer's patients enjoy raking leaves and that facilities in the south actually buy leaves for this.

[4_2_it]

Both my wife's grandparents suffered from Alzheimer's/dementia. They seemed lucid one moment and confused the next. It was very sad seeing them deteriorate over the 10 years that I knew them. It was heartbreaking for my wife.

There is no way OP knows the entire situation or how bad the wife's condition is. Neither he nor parents sound like they are trained mental health professionals. This is why you should you stay out of things that 1) you don't know the full story and 2) are none of your business.

NT!,

Good luck in prison assuming you don't killed pulling that crap because I can't even imagine the fit of rage that would have entered me if someone had pulled that stunt while my wife was arranging to put her beloved grandmother in an assisted living facility.

[Meech]

I agree with the others, this feels like meddling.

But..

Since when does a POA granted by the old man to his son extend to his wife? Unless she granted her son-inlaw POA, she's 100% in control of her own [censored].

[4_2_it]

[ QUOTE ]

Since when does a POA granted by the old man to his son extend to his wife? Unless she granted her son-inlaw POA, she's 100% in control of her own [censored].

[/ QUOTE ]

It doesn't. OP probably doesn't know half of what's going on as he is probably relying a lot on what his parents are telling him. I think it's pretty crappy that everyone assumes the son is a scumbag because he doesn't live near his parents or visit them often.

I live 1500 miles from my parents and we see each a couple of times a year. We talk all the time and I would say we are closer than most parent/adult children. However, I do not know a lot of their friends from the last 15 years or so. I could see how if I faced this situation one of their neighbors might think ill of me. Of course, if he tried to interfere I'd have him arrested (or I would kill him in self defense if he decided to take NT!'s approach).

[gobbomom]

a spouse cannot be written out of a will. The wife is legally entitled to 50% of her husband's assets. The son's power of attorney status has nothing to do with the wife's right of inheritance, nor does it establish legal credibility to determine her destiny. The son will find this out if he doesn't already know it.

[AngusThermopyle]

Starting point, Natl Center on Elder Abuse

Many jurisdictions have an office that handles 'elder abuse'

Find the relevant authority and relate your concerns.