What was your favorite wedding gift?

[DrewDevil]

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I don't know why you assume I shop off the registry. I almost never vary from the registry if there is one available. If I do, it's always to add a little something extra that I hope the couple will appreciate and like.

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Well, then this is good. It sounded from your previous post that you liked to go off the registry.

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But I still maintain that it is extremely tacky to complain about someone that took the time to choose something that they thought you would like. "So inconsiderate to shop off of the registry!"

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Absolutely 100% agree. Anyone who complains at all about any gift they ever received is a spoiled brat and deserves a kick in the teeth.

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Which is, quite frankly representative to me of the way a lot of people think about their wedding...a chance to hit the gift mother-lode. I find it mildly nauseating.

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I also agree with this, and I frankly hate the whole "shower" concept. Ugh. My wife and I had 2 wedding showers and had to fight tooth and nail not to have 11 or 12.

When I found out that it was "customary" for people to give a shower gift AND a wedding gift, I was thoroughly appalled. Seriously.

We have so much "nice" stuff that we will never use. My wife doesn't really cook, but we have a set of gourmet cookware. WTF?

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The style comment was more of an afterthought, kind of my way of saying that although your first impression is the something isn't your style, you might find that you felt differently if you took it out of the box and put it in the room. Frequently I have found something that I look at and think "that just doesn't "go"" actually adds something to the space. That's not me trying to force my personal taste on anyone, it's me saying not to close yourself off to being surprised.

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Okay, then I misinterpreted what you were saying.

But I still don't understand the motivation to "get creative" with the wedding gift when you've got a registry right there. It's nice of you to pick one thing from the registry and then add a little something of your own. But I don't get the people who completely ignore the registry and get something THEY like. What's the point?

The most egregious example from my own wedding was a good friend of mine who bought us the most hideous set of candlesticks I have ever seen. How anyone would think they were attractive is beyond me. We actually have a notion that they were quite expensive, too. Was it some sort of a statement? "Look at us, we're rich AND creative?"

I dunno. But they might as well have just set their money on fire, because those candlesticks are sitting in a box in our attic and will never be displayed at our house for any reason.

Just don't get it.

[SamIAm]

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People like this don't deserve wedding presents of any kind, in my opinion.

A registry is for the convenience of those that might choose to remember your occasion with a gift, not a grown-up list for "Santa".

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I opened this thread to make exactly this point! If you complain about people "imposing their style" in wedding presents, what do you do on your birthday and Christmas? Do you forward a list to all your friends and family? A better plan is to just suck it up and recognize that giving gifts isn't about a transfer of wealth, but rather a show of consideration & generosity. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

I'd actually say that the purpose of a registry ISN'T primarily for the convenience of the lazy party-goer. I'd say the 'purpose' of the registry to help avoid duplicate or clashing presents. You don't need 15 fondu pots, so when one person buys one, there's a chance for them to say "Fondu: Check" and nobody else buys one. Your wedding's a nice time to get fine china, but there's no way to get 12 sets of expensive dishes unless the guests know which sets to buy. These are totally legit reasons to register, IMO.

As far as I'm concerned, the people who should be sending money are the ones who DO buy off the registry. There's honestly no difference in my book between writing a check at Crate&Barrel for something I picked, and sending the check straight to me. On the other hand, folk that change or add or completely make-up a gift are honestly thinking & caring about me, and that should be the whole point.

3 Showers done, 1 wedding to go. Wish me luck. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
-Sam

[DrewDevil]

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People like this don't deserve wedding presents of any kind, in my opinion.

A registry is for the convenience of those that might choose to remember your occasion with a gift, not a grown-up list for "Santa".

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I opened this thread to make exactly this point! If you complain about people "imposing their style" in wedding presents, what do you do on your birthday and Christmas? Do you forward a list to all your friends and family? A better plan is to just suck it up and recognize that giving gifts isn't about a transfer of wealth, but rather a show of consideration & generosity. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

I'd actually say that the purpose of a registry ISN'T primarily for the convenience of the lazy party-goer. I'd say the 'purpose' of the registry to help avoid duplicate or clashing presents. You don't need 15 fondu pots, so when one person buys one, there's a chance for them to say "Fondu: Check" and nobody else buys one. Your wedding's a nice time to get fine china, but there's no way to get 12 sets of expensive dishes unless the guests know which sets to buy. These are totally legit reasons to register, IMO.

As far as I'm concerned, the people who should be sending money are the ones who DO buy off the registry. There's honestly no difference in my book between writing a check at Crate&Barrel for something I picked, and sending the check straight to me. On the other hand, folk that change or add or completely make-up a gift are honestly thinking & caring about me, and that should be the whole point.

3 Showers done, 1 wedding to go. Wish me luck. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
-Sam

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You've made a pretty convincing case that there shouldn't even be a registry at all.

If you think getting cash is the same as getting a gift your picked out, then why does it matter if you get duplicate gifts? If you get cash, you have to buy the gift. If you get a duplicate, you have to exchange the gift. Either way, you have to make a trip to the store. Congrats, the gift-giver just gave you an errand.

Wedding gifts are not at all like birthday/Christmas gifts, IMO. The purpose of the wedding shower/registry/gift gauntlet is to give the new couple the things they need for their new life together. So it is rather convenient, then, for the couple to make a list of said things.

If you're going to have a registry, you've obviously thought about what you need and like. How is it "more considerate" to ignore that list, which is carefully constructed over many skull sessions and trips to the store, and just get them something YOU think THEY would like better? Why would they like it better? It's not on the list of what they want!

Sheesh.

I do agree, though, that people should NEVER complain if they get something off the registry. I just strongly disagree that it's somehow better to "get creative" and get something that's not on the list.

[SamIAm]

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Examples of gifts I have given for weddings/showers:

1. BBQ equipment they registered for + 3 different barbecue sauces.

2. Teapot and kettle (registry) and selection of green teas.

3. Hamper the couple registered for filled with rolled up white washcloths, small registry items, and a teddy bear which I dared to choose myself with a gift card.

4. Crystal vase from registry with little slips of paper. I asked each person questions about the other one like "what was the first thing you noticed about him?" and put the answers in the vase.

5. Waffle iron (registry) and real Vermont maple syrup.

These are only the times I have added extra. People that I'm less close to get a trip to the online registry and a credit card.

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I love this kind of present. I had friends who were getting married and then getting their first puppy. They'd registered for whatever dog crate Macy's had to offer, but I did the research and got them a better crate for their purpose, along with a copy of the book that I had used to learn about puppy-training.

I had an aunt & uncle who just sent us the ice cream maker we registered for (awesome), but also added a nice set of ice cream bowls, a book on creative icecream constructions, and an ice cream scoop. There was a chance we already owned this stuff (we do have a scoop) but it came with a gift receipt and was all from a store where we registered; we can always return the excess gifts and treat them as sort of a bulky gift-card, but they get credit for actually thinkign about the gift and how we'd use it, not just entering their cc# and pushing 'send'.

[MrWookie]

Yeah, I think doing a couple choice modifications or additions to whatever is registered can be really nice if you know the people will like them. For example, my best friend got married about a month ago. He and his wife registered for a Kitchen Aid mixer in white. We decided to give them this, but when we went shopping for one, we saw that they came in all kinds of colors, not just white, including lime green. We know that my friend's wife [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img][img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img][img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img][img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]'s lime green, many of the other wedding gift items were green, so we opted to go for the green one instead of white. As it turns out, my friend's mom had also gotten them the mixer in white, but it hadn't been crossed off the registry. My friend and his wife were surprised that there was a green one, and they ended up returning the white one. Naturally, this sort of modification can backfire if you don't know the couple's tastes all that well, but no matter what, they should be very appreciative of the gesture. If you don't have as much of a clue but still want to be a little more personal than just getting something off the registry, in-kind additions like Racious suggested are great.

[NicksDad1970]

I put a DLP on mine and think life isn't fair since I didn't get it.

[Tigermoth]

I gave them cash and they were happy. Thanks to all of you who suggested it.