spanking (child discipline): a thought and a few questions?

[Howard Treesong]

[ QUOTE ]
er, I didn't mean to specifically badmouth you, but I think parents start out with your idea, and the process that starts to happen is parents try to do what's best and end up controlling too much (like the kids are still babies). And then the kids grow up a little more and the parents just stay in control instead of relinquishing a good amount of control back onto the kids backs. I think the idea just got a little convoluted up in my head and I wrote it wrong, since you obviously are doing it right [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

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I probably shot back a little hard, Zeeb. In reality, I think you're quite right that many parents do just what you say, and that particular slope is quite slippery; but to overreact in the other direction is to throw out the baby with the bathwater. IMO it is critically important to help kids develop a sense of responsibility and judgment, while not losing sight of the fact that being a kid should be flat-out fun most of the time. For all I know, I suck at it -- but I do think about it and really try to get it right.

Overly permissive parents suck, though, too. I absolutely hate parents who watch their bratty kids kick the crap out of the back of the airline seat in front of them and refuse to enforce a rule against doing so.

One seriously asshat move on my part: several years ago, after I'd politely asked a mom to stop her kid from doing this and she refused, I waited until she got up, then leaned back and told her four year old that I was going to rip his teddy bear into little tiny pieces if he didn't stop.

He looked rather scared. He quit instantly, however, and did not start up again in the two hours remaining on the flight.

[TIEdup14]

This thread wasnt too surprising to me seeing how the general trend in parenting is moving away from physical punishments.

Cant say I agree with this, as I've seen way too many misbehaving/disrespectful kids nowadays.

I was spanked as a kid and fully expect to spank mine if (god forbid) I have any children

[captZEEbo]

[ QUOTE ]
This thread wasnt too surprising to me seeing how the general trend in parenting is moving away from physical punishments.

Cant say I agree with this, as I've seen way too many misbehaving/disrespectful kids nowadays.

[/ QUOTE ]Intuition tells me this is correlation rather than causation.

[traz]

I was hit as a kid, and I'm not against it in theory. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to physically discipline my child, but I don't think it's such a bad thing.

However, there IS a big difference between doing it as discipline and doing it out of anger. It's a blurry area. More often than not I think I was hit out of anger, and I think that's wrong. I resent my mom for all the times she hit me while mad, uncessarily, and I would never want my children to feel that way about me.

But I also know that there were times where I DESEREVED to be punished, and a physical method probably got through to me best.

I don't know, truth is, I'll probably leave the decision up to my wife.

[Howard Treesong]

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However, there IS a big difference between doing it as discipline and doing it out of anger. It's a blurry area. More often than not I think I was hit out of anger, and I think that's wrong.

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That's a great distinction. I remember my dad belting me, and he was almost uncontrollably furious. It scared the bejesus out of me -- but given what I'd done (lighting a fire in the house), I clearly and obviously deserved it.

I can safely say that I would not strike my kids in anger.

[renodoc]

when my kid is an ass, i spank his bottom.

having a tough ass five year old has taught me that i could not take "all" the five year olds in the OOT problem. they are tough little guys.

[SuitedSixes]

I was spanked as a child and don't think I'm any worse for it. I have never spanked my 5-year-old daughter, but I would if the situation necessitated it.

The main issue I see is that you usually spank when you're mad, and I don't like to show hitting as an appropriate response.

[guids]

[ QUOTE ]
I was hit as a kid, and I'm not against it in theory. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to physically discipline my child, but I don't think it's such a bad thing.

However, there IS a big difference between doing it as discipline and doing it out of anger. It's a blurry area. More often than not I think I was hit out of anger, and I think that's wrong. I resent my mom for all the times she hit me while mad, uncessarily, and I would never want my children to feel that way about me.

But I also know that there were times where I DESEREVED to be punished, and a physical method probably got through to me best.

I don't know, truth is, I'll probably leave the decision up to my wife.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think when it comes from anger, it makes it so much more effective.

[goofball]

I think spanking is bad, and spanking when you're mad is unquestionably bad.

All I can see is that speaking teaches your child that you think hitting/violence is a good way to deal with things sometimes.

[jzpiano]

I was spanked a lot as a child, the wooden spoon being the weapon of choice. However between my brother and I we were breaking my mom's spoons like once every week or every other week. Eventually she just stopped buying them and chased us around with this



She obv meant business so we straighted up a bit. She did smack my butt with that thing once with the flat end, it hurt like a mother [censored] and after that just had to threaten us with it. (Thankfully the metal ones weren't out yet) That was until we got bigger than her and it just went downhill from there (Although I have a great relationship with my parents now).She however refused to use a belt, cause my grandpa used one on her once and she can still tell you about it. My dad on the other hand did most of his spanking by hand and that [censored] hurt, he did it probably until we were like 10-11 then it was just grounding and taking stuff away.

Yeah I caused a LOT of trouble as a kid [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img], I really hope I never have a kid like me. Although even if I did I don't think I would ever spank my kids, maybe in an extreme extreme circumstance, but even then that's hard to imagine.

They never ever spanked my sister (9 years younger than me) they mainly used with her, like us sometimes, a bar of soap in the mouth (swearing, talking back, etc) so I'm not sure if gender plays into spanking or not, but I think it did with my family.

Edit: I should also note that I deserved every bit of this and even more without a doubt.