Computer certifications

[gurgeh]

"We see that you are intelligent, eager, and have done well in school and in your other endeavors. But you don't have any experience with MS Powerpoint or writing SQL queries, so take a hike."

Too many of my interviews are ending up like this. While getting certified through Microsoft in Office products (Word, Excel, Access, Powerpoint) is straightforward enough, I know nothing of SQL. I need a certification in it, though, so I can take it to employers and say "See? I can do this. You don't need to worry that I might come in on my first day of work and say 'ZOMG! WTF?!>?!?!'"

So far my searches have turned up the MCDBA cert. from MS (which is about server administration rather than writing queries) and a bunch of stupid online certifications that aren't going to mean jack. If anyone can steer me in the right direction, I would greatly appreciate it.