What is Parenthood Like? (only for older OOTers)

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Good thread. It reminded me to get off the computer and see my kids.

[ColdDecker333]

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Having children is why you're here.


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Not I.

Six billion humans is enough for this planet, IMO.

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[SuperUberBob]

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This post is directed to all the OOTers over the age of 30:

What is parenthood like? Have you found it deeply fulfilling, or overburdening? For those who don't have children, do you wish you did? Does life feel un-done and in need of something, or do you feel like you have lots of freedom?

Just a twenty-something eager to learn about the oncoming world of the thirty-something.

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Who's the lucky teenage girl you knocked up?

[Uglyowl]

It's great, nothing in the world makes me smile bigger than stuff my son does (almost 3 now).

Good excuse to have Mac N' Cheese once a week [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[pshabi]

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Having children is why you're here.

You're likely never too young and you'll likely never have too many kids.

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From someone who knocked up his gf at 18 and has a 4 year old just months froma age 30:

Don't listen to a word this man says. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Parenthood is awesome. I'm great at being a father and have been blessed with two beautiful sons, but two is plennnnnnnnty.

[ClevelandWasp]

I'm 30 1/2 (so I qualify?) with a 3-year old son and a daughter on the way. I wouldn't trade being a parent for anything. First 18 months were very difficult but overall a great exerience. I think a lot of guys in their 20s can't imagine giving up the young-guy lifestyle and being home with kids, but the truth is you're not going to be doing that much partying anyway once you get a little older, get a real job and buy a house etc. Life as a family man is much more fulfilling IMO.

[youtalkfunny]

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I'm 36 and have an 11 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. It's like anything else. There's good and bad, boring and exciting, pride and shame, happy and sad, etc. My kids are getting older, so I've definitely seen some of the initial challenges pass, but the new challenges don't get any easier. The old cliche that the grass is always greener applies in this aspect of life. My wife and I sometimes daydream about the things we could have if we weren't parents, whether it be freedom, or nicer cars, or more lavish and/or frequent vacations. You miss the days when you had the freedom to come and go as you wished, but there are aspects of this portion of my life that are so rewarding that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

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I pity you.

[JayLear]

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I'm 36 and have an 11 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. It's like anything else. There's good and bad, boring and exciting, pride and shame, happy and sad, etc. My kids are getting older, so I've definitely seen some of the initial challenges pass, but the new challenges don't get any easier. The old cliche that the grass is always greener applies in this aspect of life. My wife and I sometimes daydream about the things we could have if we weren't parents, whether it be freedom, or nicer cars, or more lavish and/or frequent vacations. You miss the days when you had the freedom to come and go as you wished, but there are aspects of this portion of my life that are so rewarding that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

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I pity you.

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Care to explain?

[entertainme]

This will be tl:dr for many. See Cliff notes.

The husband and I were married pretty young, but we had five years together before we had kids. It's nice to have had that time together before we had the responsibility of a family.

I remember the first thing that scared me was the thought that I would have to be a role model. Me?? But, you have no choice but to get over it.

The early years can be exhausting as evidenced by the posts here of parents with young kids.

Until you have kids you never realize the millions of ways a human can injure themselves. Light sockets. Stairs. Climbing on the counter because you're a big girl and want to make your own breakfast before Mom and Dad wake up.

Oh, then there was the time my husband woke up at 2 AM and found them putting on their snowsuits with the plan to crawl out the Boy's window onto the roof. Etc. Etc.

Until they're five or so you have to watch them every minute.

Girls are higher maintenance than boys because they're more social. (Jane. did this..then Sarah said this..and she made Tina cry!) The Boy comes home and says, "I made a new friend at recess!" "Oh, what's his name?" "I dunno." (Yeah, come and get me gender police.)

They still need you in middle school though it may be harder for them to admit. You need to stop being too busy yourself sometimes to recognize the signs.

Though you love them unconditionally you're not there to be their best friend. Kids need clear limits. They will appreciate the fact that you're strict even as they bitch about it. Be careful. They know just which buttons to push to try and manipulate you.

Watching their personality and beliefs develop is the coolest thing ever.

I love their dreams. "I'm going to be a famous rock star, scientist, game developer millionaire, donate X to X, and live in the middle of a forest with x, y and z."

Our oldest, the Girl, is about to leave the nest. I feel as if my heart is being ripped out. Even though she's not here most of the time already, I can't imagine daily life without her under our roof. On one hand I'm very happy for her and the life she has planned. On the other, I'm irrationally angry at her for being so happy to leave and get started on her life.

So far, we've been extremely lucky with our kids behavior wise. I, on the other hand, sometimes put my parents through hell. I can't imagine why we've been so blessed.

Cliff Notes: Raising kids is both one of the most demanding and rewarding things you will ever do in your life. It's both a privilege and blessing to watch them become their own people. I can't imagine life without them.

The Poker Mom

[TxSteve]

I'll give you my opinion. I'm 36 and I'm 18 months into kid #1.

I've always been a pretty selfish person by nature, in terms of my time. I didn't get married until I was 33 so I had a lot of years of doing what I wanted; when I wanted to do it.

The following are my experiences...and I've met many people who's experiences were VERY different from mine.

Allow me to first touch on pregnancy. My wife gained 62 pounds. She peaked at 202# a couple of hours before the birth.

In regular life, she is the most reasonable; logical woman I've ever met. In pregnancy life; she was borderline insane. Moody, irritable, exhausted, impatient.

Ok; now on to the first 3 months of baby's life. Our baby hated sleeping. She would not sleep unless she was being held and even then she'd sleep a MAX of 1 hour. Babies also have to be fed every 3 hours. If the baby was sleeping at that time; had to wake her up (we tried to follow doctor's instructions to at tee).

Also, at this age, our baby would cry, inconsolably, for 2 hours at a time. Couldn't be rocked; couldn't be soothed; nothing.

After the 4 month mark or so; things started to get a little better. A little bit of free time would pop up here and there...but really not much.

Over the next 12 months or so; I think I had a lot of feelings of resentment in me. For me and my lifestyle it was a pretty drastic change to now base every single decision around the baby. It was hard for me to adjust and my attitude with the baby tended to be 'have to' rather than 'get to' if that makes sense.

In the last couple of months; I think I'm finally starting to 'get it' and finally coming around. These last few weekend there have been whole days where she and I spent the day together...and once I relaxed and stopped worrying about what I was missing out on...we had a great time.

I still struggle sometimes...but I'm getting better. I really, really WANT to be a great, fun Dad. But for me personally, it wasn't like flipping a switch and it hasn't come very naturally...but things are getting better.