Toss's Degenerate Vegas Trip Report: The Second Donkening

[toss]

[ QUOTE ]
Toss,
Does your face get bright red when you're hammered? Just trying to get a visual for the story. Thanks.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm of the darker variety of Asians so it's harder to tell.

[fmlycar]

nh would read again

[toss]

I wake up suddenly in a Casino Royale hotel room full of people. It wasn't a gradual wake up, it was like a light switching on if that makes any sense. "Hey, how do feel?", one of the girls inquire. I said I felt fine and promptly went to the bathroom to vomit the remaining bile in my stomach. It look like melted butter. I clean up what I can of my putrid smelling puke while they head over to the ferret store in Hard Rock. At this point I felt like total sh*t. I couldn't drink even water, I definitely couldn't eat, and I couldn't see straight. It was awful, but I showered and headed out with the guys who didn't go to Hard Rock.

I could barely stand up. I was willing to try anything to feel the slightest bit better; water massages, oxygen bar, magnet therapy, hypnotism, whatever! We head over to Game Works and try out the oxygen bar. Rip off, it's like breathing scented air, one of the "flavors" made me want to puke. We head downstairs to find out they took out the rock climbing rig. Well there goes my plan of spewing vomit at hapless tourist from above. Since we can't do that we compete in what must be the most addictive machine ever.



Yes that's right, Super Shot Basketball! No one wants to bet despite my state because they're all nongamblors, (beat), and we start firing off balls. I get right into a rhythm and sink shot after shot short range. Then the damn board moved backwards leaving me no room to arc my shot, so naturally I get frustrated. I launch the ball upwards attempting to bank it off the ceiling, but instead it bounces off the edge and right into my forehead. Game over.

I never thought I would vomit out of a moving car, but here I am. How much lower can I sink? Clearly I'm in no state to do any Vegas so I pass out till eleven o'clock at night. Stuff happens, but it's all boring (even moreso) so I'll skip right to the poker action action action. While everyone is asleep, Toss plays. I get seated at a soft looking Mirage 2/5NL table. Crazy asian gamblor raises first in and seven people call, no joke. I call with T[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]9[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] on the button and it's nine people to the flop for a lot of chips. Flop is K[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]9[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]5[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] and laggy Asian leads out like there isn't 9 people in the hand. I'm about to fold, but then everyone folds to me and the guy after me has his cards in his hand. I call instead and it's HU to the turn which is a blank. Laggy Asian checks and I fire out a strong 3/4 potsized bet which villain calls without too much thought. River is a diamond and Laggy Asian makes a small value bet, I fold.

Thanks to the lovely must-move rule this fantastic table gets whittled down to 4 players at one point. Then the sluuuuuutiest, loudest, most annoying sloot takes a seat haha. She's obviously pretending to be drunk, oblivious to fact that everyone sees through her act. She's wearing what looks like a scarf and no bra so everytime she leaned over everyone got a good look at her [censored] which wasn't much to look at. Worst of all she was really chubby around the waist; it looked like bread overflowing over the side of the baking pan. So she's doing the whole I'm a drunken sloot who doesn't know how to play please take my chips routine, yet she happens to know all the poker terms and how to make change for the small blind. When the guy sitting to here immediately left wins the pot, I swear I'm not lying, the sloot grabs his head and gives him a full on titty rub. The guy is digging it and I can tell whether he's debating whether to tip or not.

Thankfully I get moved to the main table and the chips are Flying! Everyone except for one or two shortstacks has at least 200BB with a couple people at the table with over 5 buyins! One guy with over $3000 claims he started over ten hours ago with $200, sick. I bide my time and pick up pots here and there playing ABC poker. I finally win one with flush over flush and double my stack to $700 (I was down to $350 from $800 and didn't feel like heading over to the ATM). The $3000 man adds another $1000 or so to his stack when he hits a wheel draw versus a flopped set. He's running hotter than the sun. Obviously I have no such luck so I have to make my money through different methods. I raise AJo in late position and teenage kid in baseball cap, who I doubled up through earlier, calls my raise in the Big Blind. Flop is 877r and he check calls my continuation bet. Turn is a Q and he donk right into for pot. He played a hand against me earlier exactly the same way and he had midpair that time. I pause for about twenty seconds then slowly move out my stacks and to raise it Big, he instamucks. I flash to a couple of guys at my end, but unfortunately baseball cap sees too. He turned red. Red, red like an apple red.

The very next hand I get dealt A[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]K[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] and raise it up. Baseball cap instacalls me. This ought to be fun. I lead out on a K[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]7[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]2[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] flop and he instacalls me. Turn is the A[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] and I check ready to stack-a-donk, but he checks right behind. River is a blank and I shove out a stack of red trying to look as strong as I can. He instacalls and mucks when I flip over my monster, shipithollaballa.

Eventually the table thinned out and the annoying sloot moved over with more chips than she started with. The game started to suck so I head over to a 1/2NL across the room. You never stop seeing "interesting" people in Vegas do you? I sit down and the table is in coversation about bling bling. One asian guy smiled to show his teeth and had what looked like shiny retainers on. It turned out to be diamond grills which he claimed cost only 8 grand because he knew "the right people." Maybe he was a part of this crew.



Anyway I straddle UTG and pick J6o. Everyone limps and I pull the raise-it-big to steal the pot move. Diamond grills stubbornly calls. Flop is Q[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]T[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]7[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] which is a pretty coordinate board, but I lead out anyway. He slowly mucks and I show my bluff to the table. Now we're playing. I get dealt the sexy KK in the big blind and raise the 6 or 7 people who limped. No one calls, wtf? I fold until it's time to straddle again and I have JJ instead of J6 this time. Everyone limps, (don't they ever learn), and I pop it up big. Asian lady with $31k rock on her finger calls sneering at me. I move in on the flop dark and she calls with 4[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]5[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] which hit two pair, I don't improve, poker sucks. More to follow after the commercial break.

[DrNo888]

more please!

[toss]

Here we go Part 4:

So there was probably more interesting things that happened at the poker table, but all that binge drinking damaged my memory. It's seven in the morning and I can tell that the sun has risen because it's shining through onto the indoor garden. Sunlight in a casino?!? What next, clocks on the walls? I buy stuff I didn't bring from the 24hour sundries store and walk back to the hotel. Now some of you may be thinking, "Hey Toss you stayed at Casino Royale so where's the part about Blackjack switch?" Well first there's a couple of things I need to clear up. Blackjack is a sordid b*tch which has screwed me over and over again in the past. It's partly the reason why I dropped out of UCSD, the reason why I knew 50+ Baronas dealers on a first name basis, and the reason why I have so much Asian gambol locked up inside. Oh, but the memories. Any blackjack player can tell you the delights of running $20 into $500+ in less than one hour and they can tell you just the same what it feels like to lose it all back in less than half an hour. The second thing I have to tell you is that the story isn't very exciting. You want to read it anyway? Oh well it's your brain cells.

I'm walking past the tables and I'm looking at the funny blackjack game where they let you switch the top cards. "Where's the edge in this game?", I think to myself. Maybe they don't have any tens like in Spanish 21 or blackjack pays even or you have to hit hard seventeens. I'm pacing back and forth because I don't want to lose another cent playing blackjack, but alas Asian gambol power wins out. I buy-in for $30 because there's no way I'm bringing out the $100 bills... Unless I lose that $30. I get dealt 85 and K2 so I switch. I almost giggled because the whole concept of switching cards is funny. I must be crazy, please ignore. At the same time I'm making exagerated hand movements because I don't want to mistakenly hit when I meant split or whatever. The dealer raises an eyebrow at the skinny asian kid who looks like he's throwing gang signs and deals a face to 82 for twenty. K2 gets a five for a barely acceptable 17. Dealer flips over his hand to reveal 94, and gets an 8 for BUstooo!! Ship the chips. The dealer pushes back our bets and cleans up the cards. "Hey dealer you forgot to pay us." The dealer does the eyebrow thing again and points to the felt where it says, "A dealer total of 22 will push against any player total of 21 or less." Oh. That's where they get you.

It's eight by the time I'm up to the room and everyone is obvious still asleep. With nothing to do I head Mirage to grab a small pastry from their cafe. It seems like I can eat again, hooray. Still lots of time left so I go next door to the Caesar Shopping Forums which I must say is fabulous. Spiral escalators, countless shops, and plently of eyecandy. The only fault I could find was the glaring omission of a Little Caesars Pizza parlor. All the stores are closed so I head back to the room and find my friends up and about. They shower and we all head back to the shopping forum to find food. We end up choosing the Cheesecake Factory, I don't care what you say the food was good. I ordered a Mojito, (my grod what was I doing drinking in the morning after last night's debacle), and the spicy Jamaican chicken. The dish has awesome contrasting flavors with the spicy chicken, cool mango salad, and fried bananas. I would eat it again. If you've ever been to Cheesecake then you know the portions are absolutely humungous! I barely ate half of mine and my friends barely made a dent in their salads. Who the hell eats this much for breakfast? Marathon runners?



It's time to check out of the hotel meaning we have to move all our sh*t from Casino Royale to the MGM. What an upgrade! The beds were a lot softer, the showers made you feel like a civil rights activist in the 60s, and best of all it didn't smell like puke! They're all still tired from their own binging and they all go back to sleep. Time to check out the poker room.

MGM is huge. Took me a good twenty minutes to find the poker room. I don't like it. It's loud because there's no walls, the marble on the table is just plain tacky, and the table was tight as [censored]. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] On the plus side there were lots of cocktail waitresses and they came often. The orange juice is almost as good as Borana's too. Anyway on to poker. The table was internet tight and I left down $50, the end.

Back in the room my friends are recharged and we start the boozin'. We finish of an 18 pack between the four of us in less than half an hour and head down stairs to smoke weed. We couldn't do it in the room because the window didn't open and there was a freakin fire sprinkler in the bathroom. We all take hits from our cleverly diguised cigaweed and end up walking to Gold Coast. No that's not right we couldn't have walked all that way, we took a cab. At Gold Coast we eat at a pretty crummy Asian restaurant/ American diner hybrid. The food was awful. I ate every bite of it. One of my friends was as high as a kite. It took him a good five minutes to spread butter onto his pancake and another five to layer syrup on top. I wonder what moment must've been like to him as the Asian band player Hotel California in the background. Followed by Blue Cantrell's Hit'em up Style, Billy Joel's The Longest Time, and who knows the hell what else.

It's past midnight by the time we're back in the hotel room. I instasleep having been awake for over 24 hours. So do my friends after a futile attempt to watch Borat.

Closing day to follow.

[SVTHORD]

nice report so far

[boscoboy]

I buy-in for $30 because there's no way I'm bringing out the $100 bills... Unless I lose that $30.

love it!

[groton]

great TR like the last one dude keep it up u balla

[Richard Tanner]

This TR should be stickied as a "How to" guide for TRs.
Lots of info, poker, and vomiting, ship it.
Cody

[toss]

The finale.


After one of the best sleeps I've ever had I wake up slightly thirsty and ravenously hungry... for poker!! I want to get even damn it!! I take a quick shower a run downstairs for a quick session before checkout time. I jump into the only 2/5NL that's running and see deep stacks. Lots of deep stacks. One bearded guy has well over $5k in red chips. The first thing I notice, besides all those deep stacks, is the crazy Swedish guy playing every hand and hard. I've always wondered how absurdly aggressive a child between an Asian and Swedish couple would be.

I'm taking my time waiting for good spots to trap these donks. All I needed was time. Too bad checkout was in an hour and I tell the table so. The swedish guy is essentially making the game 2/5/25 because he's raising it every freakin hand! To give you an idea of the wildness, the Swede bets $200 on the turn in one hand and instamucks when he gets called. In another hand the bearded guy with $5k in reds calls our friend the Swede on the river with K8 high no joke. Now that's one helluva image. The board was somehthing like J7452 if that matters. Now I'm sitting there praying to the poker gods to give me a pair, any pair, any two face cards, anything!! I finally get my chance when I get dealt AKo on the button. I raise it up and the Swede calls in the big bling. Now this guy isn't totally brain dead, no far from it. In fact I figure he probably plays good when he's not on his aggressive cycle. The flop comes J97r for something like that and the Swede checks. I hate the board but I fire anyway and I take it down. Go tightass table image!!

So the Swede slows down, but there are still tons but soft spots to attack. The last hand I play for the trip is against Arabian Allstar with the shades, fancy dress shirt, and neatly shaved head. I raises 88 utg and get called by a couple of people including Arabian Allstar on the button. Flop is the shipithollaballa A82r. I lead out for pot trying not to salivate too much. I feel my pants tighten as Arabian Allstar calls quickly. Turn is the 3 of doesn't matter. I pause and lead out for 3/4 pot. I nearly come when Arabian Allstar instacalls. River is a K and I shove quickly and stand up to make it seem like I'm leaving. (I was) Arabian Allstars standup too and gives me the deathstare. I stare back trying to look as strong as I can because I figure this guy knows strong = weak. This goes on for a least a minute and the rest of the table is probably thinking, "What are these two young fools doing? Are they a'gonna duel or what?" While we were locked in our ridiculous WPT wannabe staredown I realize what I'm doing and collapse back into my chair laughing. Arabian Allstar smiles and says, "I think you got a set of eights." Ah sh*t. He thinks for another minute then folds what I think is two pair. There goes $300. Maybe if I didn't go all WPT like a retard I'd be even for the trip. He asks what I have and I tell him AQ, no way am I giving him the pleasure of knowing although he probably saw right through that too. I cashout a small winner, (for the first time!!), and head back up to the room.

We check out and carry our luggage back down to our car. No way am I bring my Dell 9300 again, I didn't even use it. We toy with the idea of staying another day and ultimately decide not too.

The Rio buffet is awesome. Less than $20 for lunch and probably the most variety of any buffet. I try the juicy bloody steak, I try the barbecue sauce smothered ribs, I try shrimp pesto pizza, and it's all delicious. I even buy a margrita, (my grod in the morning again?), and don't even take more than sip since it was so strong. The only thing I didn't try was the sushi and vegatables. I've had super high quality sushi and everytime I eat it elsewhere I weep inside at how bad it is. I don't go for the vegatables because they cost much less than the meat. Asian Buffet Eating 101. After we've all had our creamy gelatos we linger there regretting that we didn't do more. We discuss plans on a next trip and what to do for that trip. We all don't want to leave, but we can't hide from reality forever. Eventually we drag our buffet stuffed bodies into the car. As we left the strip and got onto the freeway we looked back at the city of resorts and casinos now glimmering in the midday sun. We reflected on our trip and resolved to come back soon as the historic sign suggested we do.