Non-cliched, funny B&M lines you've heard

[AKQJ10]

That's so gay, Howard. You probably bet $4 into a $50 pot too.

[Howard Beale]

[ QUOTE ]
That's so gay, Howard. You probably bet $4 into a $50 pot too.

[/ QUOTE ]

Funny you should mention that. The first time I played NL online I didn't know how to use the 'slide' properly or that I could type in my bet. So I hit the wrong button and bet 50 cents into an $80 pot. A real bet would've likely won it with the board showing and the prior action.

That really upset me so I headed on down to the bathhouse for some consolation.

[phiphika1453]

Another Old Man one liner....

Sitting in a 1/2 NL game for a couple of hours and this 70-something man has been at the table since I sat down and has not spoken a single word the entire time. If it weren't for the dealer asking him to post his blind we might have forgot he was there, I think he might have played three hands TOTAL in the two hours.

This time he happened to be in the big blind and it was limped around to him. He checks. The flop comes QQQ, and this 70 year old man out of nowhere says...

"I aint seen this much p*ssy since I was 18."

Right then the entire freakin table goes apeshit with laughter.

Turns had he had all the p*ssy he could get from this deck as he turned over the case Queen.


Truly unforgettable, I will def. use this when I am ancient

[sirtimo]

[ QUOTE ]

That really upset me so I headed on down to the bathhouse for some consolation.

[/ QUOTE ]


You know...... rest stops are the gay bathouses of the 90's



[img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

[grando]

after some guy hits 2 pair on the river in lolimit:

WPT idiot: "jesus christ nice suckout"
suckout artist: "sorry man"
WPT idiot: "seriously - I was 73-27 to win that hand"
other young guy (totally stonefaced): "74% of statistics are made up - 44% of people know that"

everyone laughs

[Ghazban]

I posted this one a while ago but it's still funny...

Live 1/2 NLHE at Foxwoods. Bad player raises in EP, someone else calls, other people probably call too, doesn't really matter.

Flop comes Q62r, preflop raiser bets $20 or something into a $60 pot, first caller goes all-in for $100, other people fold, preflop raiser thinks a bit and then calls.

TV-style, guy who raised all-in flips up his AQo. Preflop raiser says "I KNEW that's what you had! That's what I put you on!" and flips over 88. I turn to him and say "if you knew he had a queen, why did you call?" His response?

"Sometimes, you gotta mix it up"

[Tical]

hope this isn't a cliche. I've only heard it once:

Me: Dealer, did I get you for the last hand?
Dealer: Nope.
Me: Sorry (flick a couple $1 chips)
Dealer: Don't apologize! Blame me!!!!!

[Bicycles_Biatch]

Short handed game at Wynn deep into the night. Dealer is a friend of mine.

Dealer: You know Scott, I thought I'd seen everyting till the other night
Me: Then what
Dealer: I got your wife's clothes off
Me: Been there done that (I tried to play it cool)
Dealer: So has all of table 12, 14, & 17

[HLS2k6]

Foxwoods 4-8 Limit, Last Friday.

The characters:

Middle-aged Indian man in 9 seat.

Clearly there just to have fun and gamble. Acting like a maniac, raising nearly every hand preflop and getting extremely aggressive postflop at totally inexplicable times based on his cards and the board. Nice guy, just terrible player. GREAT for the game.

30-something black guy in 2 seat.

Directly across the table is a VERY loud and cocky guy. Clearly would rather make obnoxious observations about others' play to show how smart he is than actually shut up and win. Constantly making comments like, "you looked like you wanted to raise there, why didn't you?" before acting. Huge sunglasses and bigger mouth. Thinks he's a great player and is absolutely awful postflop. Spending the entire night belittling the maniac across the table who is there to have fun and donate his money to us.

These guys have been mixing it up all night, with the cocky guy in the 2 seat getting the best of it. Right when I sat down, he slowrolled the absolute nuts on the river. He's refusing to show his cards first when he was the player called. When I politely pointed this out in the interest of getting to play sometime that night, he angrily asked me if I was the dealer and refused to flip his hand first.

Anyhow, about 2 hours later, they get in a HUGE pot by headsup 4-8 standards. Capped preflop, I think the turn was 5 bet. The guy in the 2 seat is talking smack the WHOLE hand. At showdown, the older guy flips over 9-7s for a winning flush.

About 3 hands later, the cocky guy still hasn't said a word--the only time all night he's stopped insulting people and commenting on every hand. The Indian guy looks at the cocky guy's friend in the 7 seat and quietly says in a seemingly concerned voice,

"I don't know what's wrong sir. My canary won't sing no more."

I almost had to leave the table I laughed so hard.

[ItzMrFish2U]

#1: flop was 10 10 J. I am UTG. SB bets. I call. Turn is garbage. SB bets. I fold.

I asked the elderly black man in the SB what he had. He shows a 10 9 and asks "What did you think I had, a roast beef sandwhich?". I responded, "You know after you bet the flop that's exactly what went through my mind, he must have a roast beef sandwhich." Even the dealer was chuckling about that one.

#2 As the dealer leaves they usually say "good luck". I reply, "Thanks, cause that's all I have."

#3 After fishy player calls and hits the gutshot or runner runner. I congratulate them on a good call. They respond, "I got lucky." Closer, "That's what you need in this game."

#4 After winning a big pot. "See? This is evidence that good thing really do happen to bad people."

#5 "I'm 0 for 5 on my new years resolution." What was your resolution. "Don't lose".