An Ex-GF situation, do I have play?

[bernie]

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I think not talking to her is an option, but not sure if I like it. She will know that it is because of him and will put her in a 'him or me' situation.

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She's going to be in that situation anyways.

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In all reality, it is exactly the opposite. Maybe not in love, but she still has feelings for me. I think d-bag knows this and that is why he is so jealous.


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Well then, by all means, try to escalate those feelings...

You know how you take away influence in her life? You say 'see ya later'.

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[BWebb]

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I'm sure he'd love to hear that you told her to tell him to leave.



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I hope you know the only reason I said that is because what she had been through the day before. Being in a near death experience (literally) less than 24 hours earlier, I didn't think she was emotionally or physically ready to deal with the drama. I have stayed completely out of all other situations between them.

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She's going to be in that situation anyways.

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True, but it is completely different if he initiates it rather than I do.

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Well then, by all means, try to escalate those feelings...

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Like I said, I haven't and wouldn't normally get involved in what is going on between them. I just feel this is a completely unusual and unique situation.

[kyleb]

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True, but it is completely different if he initiates it rather than I do.

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No, it isn't. She will still feel the same way - you only make yourself feel better by not stating the obvious.

[bernie]

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I hope you know the only reason I said that is because what she had been through the day before. Being in a near death experience (literally) less than 24 hours earlier, I didn't think she was emotionally or physically ready to deal with the drama.

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It's her boyfriend. 'He's' supposed to be there for her at these times. Unless she's asking you for help with her boyfriend, you shouldn't say or suggest anything of that nature. You can actually be seen as the wedge that may hold up this relationship growing. Whether it's her fault or yours. That's the spot you're in.

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True, but it is completely different if he initiates it rather than I do.

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For you.

To her, it's still something she's going to have to deal with regardless of who initiates it.

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I just feel this is a completely unusual and unique situation.


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It's not that unique and not close to completely unusual.

It really doesn't sound like you guys spent enough time away from each other after you broke up. Regardless of who has more feelings for who. If she still has feelings for you, you could be percieved as stringing her along whether you mean to or not.

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[BWebb]

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It's her boyfriend.


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Not her boyfriend, they are just dating.

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For you.

To her, it's still something she's going to have to deal with regardless of who initiates it.


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But if I initiate it, there could be the perception that I want some sort of relationship above being friends. I do not. Even if that wouldn't happen, it's better that I just avoid that possibility all together.

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It's not that unique and not close to completely unusual.



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You are right in the ex's and new partners way. I'm talking about what she went through. If none of that had happened, this situation would have never occurred.

We've known each other a long time and I do care about her. Not in a bf/gf way but I still do. When this first happened, my #1 concern was trying to figure out what's best for her. I was just looking for some advice that might help me do that right now. All the other stuff regarding the dynamic between the 3 of us I can deal with later.

[EricW]

Well, the current boyfriend definately could have handled the situation better considering the circumstances, but I find it odd that everyone here is calling him a douche.

It seems to me that OP's ex is cheating on her boyfriend emotionally. I mean, OP and his ex are "best friends", they talk on the phone all the time, hang out all the time going for lunch etc etc. Along with all this, it seems like the girl confides in the OP more than she does with her bf. Is this not emotional infidelity?

I have a strong feeling that if OP was the current boyfriend and posted the current general scenario between the girl and the ex (as OP is in this present case), then everyone would tell the current boyfriend to leave the girl.

[BWebb]

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Well, the current boyfriend definately could have handled the situation better considering the circumstances, but I find it odd that everyone here is calling him a douche.

It seems to me that OP's ex is cheating on her boyfriend emotionally. I mean, OP and his ex are "best friends", they talk on the phone all the time, hang out all the time going for lunch etc etc. Along with all this, it seems like the girl confides in the OP more than she does with her bf. Is this not emotional infidelity?

I have a strong feeling that if OP was the current boyfriend and posted the current general scenario between the girl and the ex (as OP is in this present case), then everyone would tell the current boyfriend to leave the girl.

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Man, you read a lot into a few comments. As I stated, not her boyfriend. I stated we went to lunch and talked, not that we talked and hung out all the time. I'd say we do lunch at most twice a week, talk about once a week.

Also, if I posted a "girl I'm dating still talks to her ex, I make it a huge deal and blew up on her the day after she nearly died because he called to make sure she was okay" thread, I doubt I would get much support on my side.

[bernie]

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Not her boyfriend, they are just dating.


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So she's playing the field?

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You are right in the ex's and new partners way. I'm talking about what she went through. If none of that had happened, this situation would have never occurred.


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What you're missing that other responders have pointed out also is this situation would've occurred eventually just in a different way. It was/is going in that direction.

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We've known each other a long time and I do care about her. Not in a bf/gf way but I still do. When this first happened, my #1 concern was trying to figure out what's best for her.

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That's not for you to decide. No where in this thread do I see her asking for your help with her situation regarding her boyfriend or whatever she calls him.

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[bernie]

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Well, the current boyfriend definately could have handled the situation better considering the circumstances, but I find it odd that everyone here is calling him a douche.

It seems to me that OP's ex is cheating on her boyfriend emotionally. I mean, OP and his ex are "best friends", they talk on the phone all the time, hang out all the time going for lunch etc etc. Along with all this, it seems like the girl confides in the OP more than she does with her bf. Is this not emotional infidelity?

I have a strong feeling that if OP was the current boyfriend and posted the current general scenario between the girl and the ex (as OP is in this present case), then everyone would tell the current boyfriend to leave the girl.

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I think you're right. Good post.


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[bernie]

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Man, you read a lot into a few comments. As I stated, not her boyfriend. I stated we went to lunch and talked, not that we talked and hung out all the time. I'd say we do lunch at most twice a week, talk about once a week.



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That's quite a bit for a girl who's trying to start a relationship with another guy.

Edit: You asked if you had a play here. The answer is no. You don't. It's not up to you to handle any of her problems. Remember, you're the ex.

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