The Missing Trip Report

[grando]

So I lied – there will be 3 more trip reports. 2 for Thursday and 1 for Friday. These things are [censored] long! I'll end this somewhat mediocre one just before the Blue Man Group, and write the later, significantly more eventful one tomorrow.

So this is Thursday – we're in definitely no hurry to do anything, but have something at 7:30. So what better way for a guy and a girl to start it off than with heterosexual sex? I agree – and so did the g/f. Solid 8/10 – I should have went to the washroom first though. I know better. However, I am smart enough to leave a towel near the bed! I then think of who's used the bed before us, and whether they got a towel. I am also smart enough to stop thinking about it right then, and go into the shower.

I get out and brush my teeth, and get ready to open another bottle of the hotel mouthwash. “Can't go wrong with Listerine” I say aloud, juggling 3 of the 16 housekeeping brought in a big bag the day previous. “What the [censored]....” as I notice one of the bottles has something weird about it. “...this isn't Listerine – it's ListerMINT!” [censored] YOU BALLY'S LISTERMINT? NO ALCOHOL? (no wonder I'm not drunk yet). I'm not very pleased. I then look at the TV to see whether it's a Panaphonic or Sorny. Displeased again. I watch some of that black sitcom with the school principal who's kind of a loser who tries to get the hot vice-principal or something. It sucks. Time to go.

We're planning to eat just after 5, and being nearly 3 already we don't have much time. Not much time?!? You know what that means!!! TURBOGAMBLING! And the only way you TURBOGAMBLE is to play more than 1 hand at once! BLACKJACK SWITCH OMG! Casino Royale here I come! So we walk into the door, and see margaritas on for A DOLLAR!! If I know drinking, which I do, these dollar margaritas will be full of alcohol. I tell the g/f that I can get a way better drink at the table when I'm playing, for FREE! Apparently girls think paying $ > free, but don't tip any extra. I chalk it up to stubbornness. She buys 2. I think a Slurpee has more alcohol than this bad-boy. Oh well it's tasty. Time for $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!

Blackjack switch is a sweet game; I wonder why more strip casinos don't spread it. That's all I'd play (until I found a way cooler game later on in the trip!!!). Anyways, the actual gambling of $10/hand (2x10) was quite uneventful, and I was up 10 bucks after an hour or so. It's times like this where I wished I'd have my gamb000ling friends to get drunk with and prop bet against. My g/f didn't even gamble (other than poker). This definitely isn't going to work out in the long term. I contemplate playing a little video poker, but she won't even play that. Wow this is fun. I Vegas gamb000ling by myself.

So for supper we go to the Bellagio buffet. I think it's like 27 bucks or something. We get seated and I order an MGD and the g/f orders Kokanee. Me: “Um I don't think they'll have Kokanee (a Canadian beer) here”. G/f: “Sure they will”. Server: “What's Kokanee?” Me: “Order a Coors”. G/f: “Can I get a Canadian?” Server: “Sorry”. G/f: “Ok I'll get a Coors Light”. Stubborn.

So we get up to the buffet and it's amazing! Like nothing I've ever seen before! I get my plate and go searching....whoa they have like 15 chefs standing behind each row of food. This pork tenderloin looks good, oh and this curried beef. Yeah let's throw on some sliced buffalo. Hmmmm rice – I dunno. No. This satay beef looks good too! WTF FRIED CHICKEN? Is Tiger gonna be here? [/fuzzy zoeller]. One of these things is not like the others. So I end up getting about 12 varieties of meat and go back to the table. I start eating/drinking before the g/f gets back. Nothing tastes better than meal booze.

So this food is pretty good – then the g/f mentions that there's A WHOLE OTHER SIDE?!?! WOWOOWWOW MORE MEAT! I don't believe her, but don't say it aloud. After I go I can always say “no you were wrong I went everywhere already”, making myself feel big and smart. So I leave my plate there and put the fork/knife on my napkin. I then see that they have 2 of each set before you even eat! Clean utensils for your second plate – I bet if God ate at a buffet it'd be this one. And there wouldn't be rice.

So I look and there's a totally extra side with totally different items! Jackpot! So I eat another 2 pounds of various animals, add a little pasta for colour, and get ready for dessert. Hmmmm apple pie, cheesecake, and some mystery pie. All 3 were decent, but not great. I give the meal a 7/10 in total. The g/f gave it a 9. She tends to give things 9s when they're only 7s. I hear the Rio's buffet is even better. Someone please inform me on this. We pay and tip and leave. She forgets her purse, but we are chased down by a waitress. It works out great.

We get to the Venetian, and smell the stupid air freshener. God is it disgusting. I bet Helen Keller likes it though. We have about ½ hour to kill, so we wander the casino floor. Right when I get in I have an urge to play SUPA FUN WHEEL! I have no [censored] clue what it is. I don't think it even exists in the real gaming world. I just heard about it somewhere, and it sounded awesome at the time! Just the name makes you wanna play. It's SUPA FUN!!!

Anyways we get to a casino war table. I don't know about this – it doesn't require the skill of blackjack, the ESP of roulette, or the ability to switch of BLACKJACK SWITCH. Come on, War? You don't even get to fight the casino. Oh well – I get ready to sit down and play. I am apprehensive because I didn't check the wizardofodds website for the optimal strategy. It seems kinda complicated. I finally get my chips, but then my g/f gets ID'd for the 5th time this trip. She fumbles around and can't find her ID?!? YOU ALREADY GOT KICKED OUT OF 2 CASINOS BRING YOUR [censored] ID HOW HARD IS IT?!? So we have to leave, and she is extremely embarrassed. I don't care, cause I wanted to play!

So we keep walking around, even though she's not allowed to, and 5 minutes later she finds her ID. Good work. I don't really feel like going back now, cause I'm a little pissed off that she's such an idiot. But she wants to go back and prove that she's of regular age. What the hell does that do? No one cares, especially me. But she goes back and shows them her ID. Stupid attention wheure. I am disappointed that I didn't play some casino war, but still more mad that my g/f is an idiot. Oh well.

Tomorrow I will start with the Blue Man Group and work from there – sorry for the abrupt ending.

[grando]

start of the new stuff:


So it's about 6:30 and the show starts at 7:00 (or we get to the theatre at 7 and it starts at 7:30) - regardless we're 1/2 hour early. That's fine though - I need to sit down and perhaps enjoy a beverage while waiting. First we go to our seats though. Hmmmm these are pretty sweet seats. The first thing I notice is that our seats don't have a plastic hoodie on it. [censored]! Wait a second - my inexplicably sober self tells me that this is probably a good thing. It is at this point that I contemplate going and getting a drink - of course I'm way too lazy to do that. So we sit and chat for a little bit while people-watching. From the crowd it looked like this was a NASCAR race - beer t-shirts and dirty jeans all over the place. Of course there were some people that weren't staying at the El Dorado watching, but they seemed few and far between. This astonished me at the Venetian.

At this point, please be reminded that there are undoubtedly going to be minor spoilers about the show here, so if you don't like that squint your eyes and look for key words like "drunk", "slots o' fun", "drinking" - you know, fun words. Anyways, on to the show.

We also noticed before the show started that there were little LED scrolly things along the top right and top left walls. Initially they were used to tell people about no cameras, no leaving during the show, etc. But then they started getting creative (creative in the sense that it was almost certainly the same for every show, but I digress) by making it interactive by wishing certain people "happy birthday" and inducing the crowd to wish them one too, and getting more funny as they went along. It was moderately funny, and somewhat clever. ***Disclaimer*** I am really looking forward to this show - I dunno if that makes me ghey, but if it does, ram me up the ass right now. Who knows, I might like it.

So the show starts with 3 guys beating coloured drums (it might have been 1 then 2 then 3, or 2 then 3, or 3 then 2 then 1 - hell it could have been 3 the whole [censored] time) - regardless there was a lot of drum beating by 3 guys. Colours in the sky, interesting music, and yes, drum beating. This escalated into the beating of other objects - pipes, um....well just a variety of things. Use your imagination. Meh, that sounds like too much work. There are some other cool visual illusions going on as well. Oh, and they give you earplugs - probably cause it's loud or something? I didn't use mine - mostly cause I couldn't get them in my ears. Man I'm retarded.

Then they started bringing a couple "volunteers" on the stage. These people were almost certainly pre-screened, as they seemed to know a little too much about what was going on. Anyways, the group started doing little skits with these volunteers, and they were pretty funny. Not Borat-laugh-out-loud funny, but random-guy-pushing-wheelchair-and-ramming-him-into-curb-quiet-inside-laughter funny. Of course the kids would laugh at stuff like a funny face one of the guys was doing - "mom look you spent 100 bucks on this moderately clever display on me, your 5 year old kid who doesn't even know who his real dad is - you are smart, and probably slooty". I dunno why, but I really hate kids, but not their slooty moms. But I digress.

Anyways, the show goes on - it's getting kind of tiresome because there's only so much musical drumming you can fit into 2 hours. I mean, I watched Stomp the musical and they at least danced, and had dancing girls on stage. Wait, maybe it was just guys. Ruh roh. Anyways, back to girls - my g/f was liking the show, but you could see she was getting tired of it too. Then for some reason a TON of tissue paper came out of the rafters. I don't mean 'I gotta blow my nose' type of tissue - I'm talking about 'Peter North just blew his load on 12 sloots' type of tissue. And it was our job to bring the paper to the front so that Peter could clean himself up. Or something more artistic - I can't remember. Anyways, this goes on for a good 15 minutes - and this was undoubtedly a huge downer for me towards the show. I came here to be non-interactive. I mean, if you wanted me to do something, at least make it interesting. My g/f ate it up though - she was so excited! Ok, good for you - I make a mental note to buy a pack of Downy toilet paper to entertain her while I'm 8-tabling.

Soon after that the show was over - the beginning was great, and there were some quality spots within the show. Overall though, I was expecting a little more. I gave it a 7.5, but would have given it 8.5 had the tissue thing not been involved. As for if I had to pay for it again, I probably wouldn't - relative to other shows we could have seen I think there are many others that could have used my money. I mean, $100 is like what, 1 hand of casino war? Well 10 for ALMUSTOs like me.

K so we get out of the theatre from different doors than we came in from, and we have absolutely no clue where the hell we are going. I mean, how can you get lost in a casino?!? Once you are two steps away from anywhere where you can spend money, I'm sure the casino twists the rest of the room around so that they veer your $$$$ towards them. For some reason they don't want our money. Anyways, we're looking for a bathroom, and after wandering around the V mall (I think it was the mall anyways) we find this super sketchy area with 2 vending machines and washrooms. It seemed so out of place from the rest of the hotel - there were no canals here. It seemed like we were at a bus station - a nice bus station with classy, debutante, bus station skanks - but a bus station nonetheless. So we go to the washroom, get some water and a lemonade from the machine after spending 5 minutes trying dollar bill after dollar bill - god loonies are so much better than stupid dollar bills. Man - this clear, non alcoholic liquid is pretty tasty! Just the refreshment we need to get to the strip!

[inferno]

[ QUOTE ]
well we just got done at the Price is Right, and I've pretty much forgotten about the slowroll (the models diverted my attention ). But now I'm hungry. So we head down to the Bally's basement mall and eat at some deli. Keep in mind we're still not really talking, so the long walk is kinda weird. Oh well I don't really care (we're in VEGAS!) and we finally get there. I don't remember the name of it, and I wish I did (so that I could tell you never to go there). My philly cheesesteak sandwich was small and had little flavour. My g/f's turkey sandwich was dry and had NO flavour. Each sandwich was about 10 bucks (most expensive I'd seen yet), but a bottle of dasani water was FOUR BUCKS?!?!? It was of the 1 litre variety, but 4 bucks? I was absolutely floored (once again, not because of the actual money, but FOUR BUCKS!!!!). This diet cream soda that we got (which was absolutely delicious) was less than 2. What a joke dasani is. 3/10

Walking through the mall, my g/f gets asked if she wants a free sample. (please don't take it please don't take it please don't take it). "Sure". [censored]. So they pull her into the store of course and give her the standard spiel trying to selling her this stuff. They are extremely aggressive, and I feel uncomfortable just standing there. It wasn't a very good experience, but I can't say it wasn't expected. We finally leave, and I make a comment about how it's going to be like this everywhere they give out free samples. She seems receptive so that's good.

25 steps later someone with 2 forms asks us if we want to help preview a new hollywood tv series. My g/f is like "wow it'd be SO interesting to see a show and be the reason that it's actually on tv". I agree in my head (hey it WOULD be cool!), but tell her that I don't want to spend 2 hours watching tv in vegas (unless it's that impersonator of course). I also see that the 2 "mainstream" shows that they claim have been done like this before, Will and Grace and Caroline in the City, are terrible. We move on.

Since I didn't get to do any gamb0000ling yesterday (well just a little), I want to start this day off well. Off to the sportsbook baby! I am interested in one game really - the Calgary/Anaheim game 7 NHL game. I go in expecting to toss down like 20 bucks on Calgary, and cheer the hell out of them.

But then I remember 2 years ago when they went all the way to the Cup finals. This team was my life until I was 18 - then I lost interest in the NHL (like 95% of people). Then the Flames get on fire and everyone starts jumping on the bandwagon. I get pissed off, and cheer against them in the finals (although www.flamesgirls.com [NSFW] was a very, very nice outcome of this huge run). So I say "[censored] THEM I'M BETTING ON THE DUCKS!" Toss down a 50 for them to win straight up. 125 for 50 would be nice. Well one game isn't fun - how about the over/under? It's 5 - over please. WTF ONLY ONE GAME I'M NO GAMB00000LER WHO ARE THE JAYS PLAYING? Boston eh? 50 more on Halladay beating Beckett. O/U 9? Under please. Keep in mind I've never been to a sportsbook before, and have no clue what the hell I'm doing:

Me: Um, I want to bet some games
Sportsbook Lady: Ok
Me: Did you want to know which ones?
Lady: Ok
(thanks for being so helpful)
Me: Well (trying to look at the odds on the screen) - I'd like Calgary to beat Anaheim straight up, and take the over.
Lady: Is that hockey?
Me: Yes - 50 bucks on each
Lady: That's a lot of money (WTF). Do you know the odds on the game?
Me: Ummmmm not really
Lady: You want a parlay, right?
Me: No thank you - separate please
(lady rolls her eyes)
Lady: Well that's how you make your money
(what the hell first texas hold em bonus and now sportsbetting? I keep mental note of the number of times this statement or similar ones are spoken to me by some casino employee for the rest of the trip)
Me: Separate is good thanks
(Lady looks around a few minutes for a sheet of paper and enters something in computer - I realize I should have said something like +285 just to irritate her)
Lady: Anything else?
Me: Yeah - 50 on the Jays winning, and the under please
Lady: Is that baseball?
Me: Um yeah (I'm too intimidated to make a sarcastic comment about a parlay)
(lady takes another 3 minutes to get another sheet of paper, and grumbles to a worker beside her - presumably about me)
Lady: Here you go
Me: ...... (and leave)

Well we're done. I immediately regret the over pick in the hockey game, but what can you do? "I can't believe you're spending $50 a game on sports betting". "Gotta spend money to make money". I contemplate mentioning that my total amount of bets is higher than her vegas bankroll but I don't. I laugh to myself.

We go back to the Aladdin mall - I'm kinda tired, so I decide to get a drink from Fat Tuesdays. For those who don't know, Fat Tuesdays is this place which has a ton of mixed, fruity drinks already in slurpee-like machines, which you get in big novelty glasses. I like drinking! Wait a second YOU CAN GET EXTRA SHOTS FOR A BUCK?!? SIGN ME UP! So I get the biggest cup full of strawberry margarita, and 3 extra shots, for like 13 bucks. The g/f gets a smaller drink, with 2 shots extra. I talk her down to 1 extra. Save the fighting till later. First, rough sex.

Did I mention that I like drinking? Anyways this drink is easily over a litre - better mow it down! Wow this place has a TV SWEET! Wow the Jays/Sox game is on, and it's the only TV! There's no shopping happening while I sit on this stool SWEET!!!! I VEGAS! The g/f takes off shopping - this is the first time I've been alone (other than at separate tables in the poker room). Livin' large!

Hmmmmm 3-3 in the bottom of 3....this doesn't seem right. Then I notice that the field is in terrible shape, and that it's been raining on and off all day. Everyone's running all over the place. [censored]!! Bye-bye under. Oh well, at least it was my least paying ticket of the 4. This is going through my head when it's still 3-3 in the bottom of 3. Oh well drinky drinky drinky mmmmmmm. So I take down 2/3 of this drink before the g/f gets back.

Me: How'd the shopping go?
Her: Well, I just walked around the .... what the hell you're done that much already? (an astonished, not rude, tone)
Me: Um.... (I look at the ball game it's 1 out in the top of 4) .... yeah
Her: Well let's go shopping
Me: Alright....(thinking I totally got out of shopping for the day - pwned)

So the g/f's getting nice, partly due to the sweet, sweet taste of rum, and partly cause she's horny methinks. SCORE! Unfortunately we have shopping to do. So we go to a couple of shops (bebe, bebe sport, a couple other ones I don't remember) and don't really find anything. I watch my g/f change in one of the rooms while sitting outside. SCORE! I'm feeling pretty good right about now - I love drinking. Anyways, she ends up buying a shirt from bebe sport. Good work. So we go to the Aladdin sportsbook to see how the games are going.

The Jays are up 4-3 in the bottom of 7. This makes me happy! Anaheim/Calgary is 0-0 starting the second. Not so happy. Then the Bosox go double, grounder getting guy to third, popout. Well that's ok - 2 outs, a guy on third, and I have no clue who's up. Of course he hits this cheap-ass single and the guy scores.

I can still push this O/U bet it's still good it's still good. Bam double down the right field line and the fielder slip and slides all over the place. Score 5-4 boston. My g/f laughs when they score. This kinda pisses me off - "why are you laughing?". "You shouldn't bet money you're not expected to lose". WTF is that? It's 50 bucks but thanks Gamblers' Anonymous. I decide to let it go. "[censored] Jays why do they always have to choke get Tom Henke back what a joke". Anyways I notice that Anaheim is up 1-0 so that's good.

Then my g/f gets a 10 massage from the street masseurs/masseuses. No hot ones so I decide to go look around. I get some dried mango from this hawaiian shop. I have my paws on hawaiian punch but leave it at the front counter. They don't sell it at home anymore, but I remember how good it is! I notice 3 girls staring at me as I pass them on the way back - yep I've still got it! The g/f's done her massage so we go back to the room to get ready for supper.

So we get back to the room, I throw the g/f on the bed and we have rough sex. Yeah this is more like it. She's pretty good in bed, and yeah that's about all I'm going to say about it (ie. it was pretty quick). I needed this. 8.5/10. She gets ready for supper while I search the tv for the ball game.

WOOOOOO it's on! Jays are up 7-6 in the bottom of 9! The sex must have been really quick....oh Well my O/U bet is done but the Jays can still win! BJ Ryan is in! His teammates make errors and pass balls, but somehow he pulls it out in the end. Up a buck altogether! SWEET ASS SWEET! +$1! Let's check on hockey - wait a second the hockey game isn't on. Great. Oh well I'll watch sportscentre and get the score that way. WTF they don't show the NHL score for over 10 minutes at the bottom of the screen. There's only like 15 total baseball games and maybe 2 basketball - how come it's taking so long?!? Stupid ESPN. Anyways, finally I see it, and it says ANAHEIM 3 CALGARY 0! SHIP IT! Anaheim winning >> O/U. 2+2 wannabe up $26 bucks in his sportsbetting career. 1/2 of a bet in 4 games - that looks like 12.5 bets/100! Clearly sustainable.

So anyways, I'm plenty pleased about this victory, and the g/f gets out of the shower:

Me: The Flames lost - I'm up 26 bucks! (saying the guy tossing down 25/hand at bj)
Her: So that means you win 2 out of 4? That's only 50%.
Me: But I made money!
Her: Well that guy on that movie (Two for the Money) was right 80% of the time
Me: No one in the world is right 80% of the time
Her: I could be
Me: Ok - did you want me to cash these tickets now, to save time later?
Her: Do whatever you want (sounded pissed that I was gonna leave without her)
Me (thinking she's kinda mad): Well, I'll just take care of it later - is that alright?
Her: I told you to do whatever you want - going now makes much more sense doesn't it?
Me: Well yeah, that's why I brought....
Her: Stop being an idiot
Me: ...it up in the first place - I don't appreciate being called an idiot
Her: Then don't say stupid things
Me: ....
Me: I'm going

Not really a fight, but it gets me onto the casino floor by myself! Everything's coming up Milhouse! Off to some $25 blackjack. I tell myself that I have time for 2 shoes (double-deck) before I need to get back up to the room.

To my right is a 40 year old asian guy who has a strategy card and is looking at it the whole time. While I let the shoe play through, the dealer, a 40 year old caucasian man, bugs him every time he refers to the card. He's betting $15/hand. For some reason I find it absolutely hilarious to see an asian man not wanting to gamb0000l while the white guy wants him to open it up. Where's the paigow table when you need it?

I also notice that he's dealing the cards face-up. The [censored] impersonator TELLS ME that they deal single and double-deck BJ FACE DOWN! I was really looking forward to playing blackjack where he deals them face down (played it once in a Michigan casino on the Sault Ste. Marie border). It was kick-ass fun. Face-up is rigged, rigged for whitey. Damn whitey (fwiw I'm white). If I'm gonna drop cash money to your casino I want to TOUCH THE [censored] CARDS! I now plan to win.

Anyways, to the blackjack - I don't give them my rewards card again ([censored] this thing is annoying - why can't I just have a chip imbedded in my skin for them to scan?). Oh well more free stuff I don't like. I drop down 4 bills this time, and am playing a quarter a hand. First hand I get soft 19 vs dealer 6 - for those that remember, not doubling this down cost me 400 bucks in a BBV BJ tiltathon. So I ask mr. gamb0000l whether I can double this down (he had 12). "No double card say no", pointing emphatically to the card. The dealer clearly wants me to gamb000l (as do I) but I end up staying. 6-9-11 ([censored]) 17. Of course my double down would have won me double for the hand (next card out was a 9), AND the asian guy would've won. Where are the crazy gamb0000000ling asians that would GIVE me a quarter to double behind me, DROOLING about how much easy money they were about to make? Or the greeks! They double any ace against anything. I ask him if he likes money. He doesn't reply. WHERE ARE YOU MATTSUSPECT?!?!?

Anyways, 7 shoes later I'm up about 200 (a couple of blackjacks and playing the change for the dealer), get dealt the AJ against a 4, tell them I'm done, and tip him the 12.50. I notice the asian guy is up to 40 bucks a hand. GAMB0000000L! He gets blackjack when I'm leaving. Moral of story - asians never lose.

So I cash in my chips and my sportsbook tickets for a cool 300 dollar profit (or somewhere around there). I contemplate throwing a 50 on 1-12 at roulette. I don't. 33. I like money!

Now I head up to the room - I realize upon walking up that real time is probably 5 times longer than casino time. Since I figure I was down there for 15 minutes, it was almost certainly over an hour. I'm not looking forward to the talk we're gonna have. So I get into the room, and she's still in the washroom getting ready. Sweet. I ask her how much longer till she's done, she says she's almost done. Wow best night ever - free money, rough sex, and best of all, gumble 2 gumble is back on the air.

So we finally head out - we walk to the Mirage for the California Pizza Kitchen. Walking is for losers. Next time I come to Vegas I'm definitely getting a rental car. I'm losing way too much $$$$$ not playing blackjack by walking around everywhere.

Like I said before, I really like the ambience of the Mirage - the restaurant is pretty much on the edge of the casino floor, but you can still see people playing the slots. The only thing better than gamb00ling yourself is watching someone else do it! So we order some shrimp dumplings and the spinach and artichoke dip to start. The dumplings were great, but 6 for 8 bucks seems pretty steep. The dip is mediocre at best. We also ordered a jamaican jerk pizza, which had tons of chicken, scallions, and something else. It was awesome! Not eating the crusts = +EV. Total bill was about 30 bucks. Solid 8/10. By this time we're not fighting, and being quite amicable to each other. This is nice.

My g/f wants to play poker at one of the casinos on the back of our players cards. Hmmmm so we've got Paris, Bally's, Caesars, Harrah's, the Horseshoe, and Flamingo. Paris, Harrah's, and Bally's don't appeal to us, the Horseshoe is a million miles away, so it looks like the Flamingo. I'm not really happy about this (I want to play at the MGM or Wynn, both places which we thought didn't have 2/4 - of course the MGM does ), but don't really care either way.

I really don't want to play 2/4 with the g/f, so it looks like it's 1/2NL. 200 max - seems like a pretty good game! Here's the lineup:

seat 1: decent player from Ireland who's a good guy and we talk between/during hands
seat 2: me
seat 3: east indian girl (5/10), who bets when she has the nuts or near-nuts, calls otherwise (as per the irish guy telling me)
seat 4: tight/passive physically disabled white guy in scooter
seat 5: semi loose/aggressive young guy who doesn't play well - has about 600
seat 6: random loose/passive white guy
seat 7: seat 6's friend/clone
seat 8: super drunk LAG armenian guy who has at least 1000 in front of him
seat 9: some random guy
seat 10: LAG greek guy who has 800 in front of him

I buy in for 200 and hilarity ensues about an orbit in:

Armenian (to Greek): I'll bet you your whole stack that I've made more than you in blackjack today
Greek: ok
(the dealer stops dealing - everyone's like "how the hell are you going to prove this bet")
Armenian: 12,000 (pulls a number out of his ass)
Greek: 25,000 (LOL)
Armenian: YOU LIE! WHY YOU TELL ME LIE LIKE THAT!
Greek: no lie
Armenian: Ok heads up (I thought this existed only on the internet) for stack - I'll take your stack with 100
Greek: Why not all money?
Armenian: I only need 100 to take all your money
Greek: ok let's play
Armenian: on the floor, I have cards
(floor comes over)
Floor: sir, you can't play cards on the floor
Armenian: why not I have own cards
Floor: sir, the gaming commission won't allow that
Armenian: [censored] gaming commission
Floor: please don't swear in the poker room sir
(Armenian mumbles something in another language and they both sit back down)

The armenian raises to 90 blind in MP and noone plays (84 for me). Next hand the same thing - I see K9o and start drooling. Folded to me and I'm ready to push, but the girl to my left is ready to push in her 50 bucks. I'm not happy. I fold. She ends up doubling up with AK vs 94. She started with 40 bucks, went down to 25, and is now up to 100. Armenian guy doesn't miss a step - he raises again, this time to 55 blind (just picked up a bunch of chips and tossed them in). seat 5 calls. everyone else folds. Armenian raises to 150, guy calls.

Flop comes J73

check, check (seat 5 in position)

Turn comes 6

Seat 5 pushes all in for ~ 450 more into pot of 300, Armenian thinks and thinks and thinks....and finally calls. Seat 5 flips over JJ.

seat 5: YEAH HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT I'M GONNA TAKE ALL THAT MONEY
Armenian: [censored] I have no outs [censored] this (doesn't flip over his cards)
seat 5: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

River 5

Seat 5 gets his hands around the pot and starts taking it in.

Armenian: LOOK LOOK STRAIGHT I HAVE STRAIGHT [censored] YOU I TAKE ALL MONEY

He flips over 42o and rakes this 1200 pot with the rivered gutshot

Seat 5 (absolutely shocked): ......
Armenian: how you like that I have all your money
Seat 5 (sitting there with no money in front of him with his head down - hilarious!): .....
Armenian: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Seat 5: you [censored] called 450 bucks with a gutshot??!?! A GUTSHOT! YOU [censored] DONKEY
(Armenian pushes down the stacks that he'd been working on building)
Armenian: all this money can't stack just falls down
(everyone at table laughs)
Seat 5: a [censored] gutshot
(the floor is standing there from all the commotion)
Floor (to Seat 5): please get up sir, this man wants your seat
Seat 5: [censored] gutshot you're terrible

So this guy gets up off the table but starts railbirding while a seemingly tight/passive asian guy takes his spot. He keeps on yelling at the Armenian guy, but he gets ignored. Maybe this no-limit is better than I thought!

So the table calms down for a little while. But the Armenian and Greek guy start jawing again after the Greek guy won a small pot. So the Armenian put 45 in blind to coerce the Greek to play against him. He folds. I find 99 and raise it to 120 (he won't call an all in, but will call pretty much anything else), planning to push the rest in (80) on any flop. The girl to my left gets mad and hesitates and then folds. Armenian calls.

Flop T92

He checks, I push, he thinks and folds

Girl gets pissed off and says she folds TT. Tough luck.

Anyways play keeps on going - an hour later this girl has over 500 in front of her by massively sucking out and getting paid off. Armenian still has over 1300 in front of him. Another table breaks up and a new guy (friends with seat 1) with 900 comes and sits in the newly open seat 6. After an orbit this hand happens:

Armenian posts 100 blind UTG, folded to seat 6 (I had 93s) who raises to 300, Armenian calls.

Flop comes J72

check, seat 6 bets 200, Armenian calls

Turn 9

check, check

River Q

Armenian bets 150, seat 6 minraises to 300, Armenian calls

seat 6 flips over AA
Armenian mucks

Absolutely terrible play and seat 6 drags a 1600 pot. I'm jealous. Armenian says "nice hand".

Armenian proceeds to donk away the rest of his money in the next 5 hands, and is now BUSTO. I'm mad cause I'm even and everyone else has his money. After he busts the game pretty much breaks up, and I decide to quit up 2 dollars. The floor gets it when he cashes in my money.

Looking at my g/f - she's up about 40 bucks. I tell her that I'm done, and I wait for her to finish her orbit. I realize now how she makes her money. She's selectively friendly to nice people and bitchy to people the rest of the table hate, and they pretty much give her free money. Example:

The turn comes 8796r and she raises someone's bet. Some other guy coldcalls her raise, saying "I know you've got the straight but I want to see it". First guy folds. River blanks off, she bets he calls and she shows her obvious 10 high straight. Guy flips over ace-high and tells her "I knew you had it". Wow I wish I was a girl. Some other guy proceeds to tip her a buck after the hand. She takes it. I don't know how I feel about it.

Anyways she gets up (up 60 bucks) and we leave - she gets ANOTHER tip when she gets up from a different guy, and she takes that as well. WTF. Talk about free money. I wonder what she would do if I took "tips" from other female players. I hate double-standards.

So we walk back to the hotel and I'm starving. We can't find somewhere to eat, so we decide on room service. The prices are cheap for room service and I don't really care. So we decide on a bbq burger with avocado on it with onion rings and chicken salad criossant. Solid eats but not stellar. Onion rings sucked. The burger was shockingly good. 7.5/10.

We turn on some channel and watch the news for 1/2 hour. Do they even report news here? What a joke - the whole program was about feel-good stories and random BS from around the world. Just like "Bart's People". I wonder if this is how American local news is. I hope not.

So we go to bed (in the same bed) and are both in pretty good moods. If I'm lucky I can pull off morning sex. I can only hope. FWIW, this is my least favourite day so far - not enough real gambling. I'll make up for it tomorrow.

[/ QUOTE ]

[grando]

[ QUOTE ]
what

edit: ok I skim read, bury gf find new one.

[/ QUOTE ]

you don't skim read this

[SpecT]

i think u should send $50 to whoeva reads this whole thing. can sum1 tell me if this is worth reading?

[wdcbooks]

[ QUOTE ]
i think u should send $50 to whoeva reads this whole thing. can sum1 tell me if this is worth reading?

[/ QUOTE ]


This is very much worth reading and a great trip report. I have been waiting for months for this last installment.

[piiop]

THATS A LOT OF WORDS

[illuminati]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i think u should send $50 to whoeva reads this whole thing. can sum1 tell me if this is worth reading?

[/ QUOTE ]


Yeah this is awespme.

gg OP, looking forwadr to the next [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

And dude, your gf sounds like a major [censored]. Sorry.
This is very much worth reading and a great trip report. I have been waiting for months for this last installment.

[/ QUOTE ]

[Novles]

[ QUOTE ]
I have been waiting for months for this last installment.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ob1]

i hope noone read past post 1, grando, your life really sucks it seems. how do u play 400 nl online and actually play 2/4 nl and 1/2 nl live sad existence you have my friend. read the post about betting your wife in a poker game on BBV and do that with your girlfriend, you might even want to just give her away.