Flameout in life and in Poker (VERY LONG)

[axeshigh]

[ QUOTE ]

Get out of Vegas.

[/ QUOTE ]

He's not there anymore. The story isn't finished. He's in therapy. Calm down and develop some reading comprehension before you come out swinging.

[The Don]

Very entertaining! 7k to 150k in BJ... you have to be kidding me... This reminds me of that movie 'Joe Dirt' [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[A_C_Slater]

Good story so far. But what happened at the WSOP Main event?

[Godot]

I appreciate all the support and encouragement I’ve been receiving since my first post. I braced myself to be mocked and ridiculed but instead all I got was kind words…and I thank you all for that.

In response to the posters commenting on how much of a witch Allison is, well I suppose I hadn’t painted a full picture. I think I stated things too simplisticly, however, I didn’t feel it was important to flesh out every single detail. Suffice to say, I was an unreasonable jerk to her at times as she was to me. I think the last 6 months to a year was like a crucible that tested the strength of our relationship. She was never completely wrong and I was never completely right and vice versa. There are a million shades of gray. Yes, she is materialistic, yes she can be selfish and petty. However, she grew up the only daughter of a surgeon and never had want for any material needs. She grew up in a household where her father showed his love by the things he bought her and I think that she has issues because of that. Her father seems cold and distant, whereas her mother is very warm and affectionate. I wish she would take more after her mother, and I know that she craved attention and acknowledgement from her father, but I don’t think he knows or chooses not to express his love to his daughter and instead chooses to buy her things to prove that she is loved by him. Knowing these things I can understand her obsession with status and class. I’m not excusing it, but I do understand it. On the other hand, despite her materialistic ways she can be one of the kindest loving person at times and that’s why I fell in love with her in the first place.

When you receive a one sided portrait of a person it’s very easy to make snap judgments on that persons character and that is my fault for portraying her the way I did. She does have many redeeming qualities but she is far from perfect. Would I like some things to be different about her? Of course I would. However, if you’ve read my posts I should be the LAST person to point out character defects in another. That being said, it did become more and more apparent that we had many deep differences on our philosophies on life. It’s easy for a couple to get along when things are going well. It’s when things go south is when a couple’s true mettle is tested. I definitely think it’s harder on a person who grew up wealthy to face poverty than someone who wasn’t wealthy growing up. Your childhood affects you in so many ways and as my therapist would say, you spend your entire adult life getting over your childhood.

Ok so back to the story. To those who may be somewhat confused by the timeline, the events I described so far took place between 6 months to 3 months ago. Also, I might add after rereading some of my posts that they tend to be overly long and rambling, filled with grammatical errors and typos. I tend to write in a stream of consciousness fashion and I often don’t stop to correct my grammar except to insert paragraph breaks for readability so I apologize in advance if I my writing is murky at times and I will be more than happy to clear up any misunderstandings.

So I got bed that Saturday night (actually it’s technically about 4am Sunday morning, but you get the picture) wanting, nay dying to get back at the tables. But the argument is not worth it. I would be afraid she might make a scene at the tables if I try to go downstairs again. On the other hand, I am thinking that if we do argue she may give me an ultimatum, her or the gambling. I am afraid I might pick gambling. I am also afraid I might pick her. I don’t want to make that decision right now. Thinking about all these things, she pretends to be asleep. I know she’s not. I don’t know if she believes I am asleep, but I don’t bother to ask. I figure if I can wait out another hour or so I can escape like a thief in the night and face her wrath tomorrow. Except she has cuddled up with most of my chips and money in her bag. I’ll figure how to extract that when she’s asleep or I will take out a cash advance. Although I hate to expose myself to more loses when I have 6 figures in chips in my hotel room. As I sit there formulating what to do when she does actually fall asleep, I Somehow manage to drift off to sleep. I had only about 5 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours and I am exhausted and half drunk.

I know I might end my posts in melodramatic fashion and I admit… this episode may be disappointing to some…kinda like that Sorpanos episode last season where Tony just hangs out with his dad’s mistress. I’ll try to post later but if I don’t get a chance to post later I should be back Tuesday or Wednseday im going to be out of town for a few days.

Still Waiting for Godot (obscure French play reference…look it up)

[psyduck]

This is a [censored] scary thread. It makes me consider whether or not I would be able to willingly give up Poker - whether or not I'm actually addicted to it.

Also makes me want to cash out everything I have online. This is probably an irrational fear considering the limits I'm playing ($30+3 SNGs) with like a 200+ buy-in bankroll.

Scary shizite.

[psyduck]

Also waiting to read more as you post. I enjoy your writing style.

[axeshigh]

[ QUOTE ]
This is a [censored] scary thread. It makes me consider whether or not I would be able to willingly give up Poker - whether or not I'm actually addicted to it.

Also makes me want to cash out everything I have online. This is probably an irrational fear considering the limits I'm playing ($30+3 SNGs) with like a 200+ buy-in bankroll.

Scary shizite.

[/ QUOTE ]
Nice to see a fellow snger in the psy forum. I was about to tell OP to try party sngs... [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] I'll coach him if he wants to [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[mockingbird]

[ QUOTE ]


Quote:
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Get out of Vegas.


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He's not there anymore. The story isn't finished. He's in therapy. Calm down and develop some reading comprehension before you come out swinging.



[/ QUOTE ]

He still sounds crazy and immature. And if he's still gambling I think he's in for serious trouble.

I don't enjoy reading about people describing out of control insane behavior with a boasting undercurrent like there is anything at all to be proud of in his actions.

It screams major denial. Just like his justifications of Allison's behavior screems denial. Denial of who he is, denial of who Allison is, denial of the nature of the relationship, denial of his lack of control over himself and his gambling habits, and I think it's safe to guess - denial of other major issues in his life.

I don't like his writing style - it seems surprisingly illiterate for someone who considers himself such an academic whiz kid. (Overestimation of his own abilities and accomplishments - more denial but mixed with narcissism this time.)

I would not normally be so critical of this type of behavior. I's just that there seems to be an element of pride and boasting throughout his posts that I find offensive considering what he's describing.

[octop]

You have no shot at being a winning gambler.EVER. Your blackjack parlaying nonsense proved that. You can't beat a negative expectation game by making higher negative expectation bets. I only gamble to win money and not for the action and all of that other [censored] casinos try to sell you.

I do not know your financial status. Maybe you can piss away a few hundred grand a year but it seems stupid to me. Try and look at this from the outside and ask what if anything you have gainded from gambling. Now look at what its cost you.I can't go to the store and buy things with action, they usually want money.
In my opinion your girfriend seems like a gold digging [censored]. However if I were her Id rather you spend the money on me than at a fucken card game, so its not totally her fault. Youre a degenerate so shes gonna be there during the good times when money is rolling in and she'll be gone when youre living in a box. I hope she atleast gives good head because she seems pretty worthless otherwise.
Don't play drunk. Plain and simple a bad move.
Don't play sober if you have any value for money. If being piss broke with nothing to show for it play as much as you can. It's your life, you can make your own desisions. Id prefer you not throw it away but thats up to you. I don't buy this garbage that this is a disease. Everything you do has consequnces, I just down think losing all your money gambling is something you should be doing.

[PokerGenius]

man your writing style rocks. Write a book! (ala Positively Fifth Street).