Mitch Hedberg

[murph0511]

Alcoholism is the only disease you can get yelled at for having...

Goddamnit Mitch you're an alcoholic. Goddamnit Mitch you have lupis. One of these two does not sound right.

[Nonfiction]

I was actually at his last show, he looked terrible and was acting very cracked out. He was trying out a bunch of new material, a lot of which was pretty bad, and he had a notepad and was making fun of himself and his jokes and writing down which ones worked and which random improvisations were funny. At the end when he was taking questions someone asked him if he was on drugs right then, and he laughed it off. A few days later he died after missing his next show.

[Justin Smith]

i always thought a hippopotamus was just a really cool opotoamus

[colonel81]

i just take the roundabout aids test. i ask my friend do u know anyone that has aids. Nope. Cool cuz u know me.

[Passaman]

Tomatoes are the universal sign of disapproval. I had the guy at Subway put tomatoes on my sandwich because I didn't like the way he was making it.

I don't have a girlfriend. Just a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that.

Actually, the "fire exit" one is my personal favorite.

[THEOSU]

i find when i tell jokes, i tell them like mitch did.

then i find i start talking like that for a while.

it's kind of like when i watch beavis and butthead, i talk like butthead for a while, and i can't help it.

[Piece of Cake]

I got the documentation right here, filed under D, for donut.

Don't bring that cake-eater over here again.

I rarely drive steamboats. There's a lot of [censored] you don't know about me.

[mxer35]

I'm not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "Fore", but I was too busy mumbling "There ain't no way that's gonna hit him." What's the par for hitting a guy? One. If you hit a guy in two, you are an [censored].

[Jiggymike]

[ QUOTE ]
If you like Mitch Hedberg, you should check out Demetri Martin.

[/ QUOTE ]

Demetri Martin is okay but Mitch Hedberg >>>> most other comedians. They should have buried him next to Bill Hicks.

[bwana devil]

[ QUOTE ]
I got the documentation right here, filed under D, for donut.



[/ QUOTE ]

i bought ice cream cones w/ my wife and the lady asked if i wanted a receipt. my wife had to listen to me do a modified receipt routine on the way to the car.