Need Some Manly Advice

[hosstito]

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just grab her in the biscuit

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lol

[edfurlong]

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Once she gets back to Florida, hire a few hundred people to take turns punching her in the face, saying, "I'm from [insert town/place], If I see you there I'll punch you a gazillion more times". Do this for every part of the country except for Kansas.

Thus out of fear of getting punched in the face, she will move back to Kansas. She might be a bit bruised for a while, but this is a small price to pay for a man of your devotion.

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Awesome.