favorite Seinfeld line

[esad]

When George is going out with a girl and he tells her that he loves her and she says nothing. George later finds out from Kramer that the girl is deaf in one ear, so he decides to say it again next date because she must not have heard it the first time.

George: "I love you."

Girl: "I know. I heard you the first time."

[doc_1982]

"The pig says "My wife is a [censored]"".

EDIT: they censor s lut?

[hedxcold]

"Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before - flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me.... Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid, sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and finding pictures of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks... You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy. Partytime is over."
- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"

edit - ok so its a little more than a line

[Bulldog]

"And you want to be my latex salesman?"

"Why don't you just SAY the name of the movie you want to see?"

"You kept making all the stops?" "Well, people kept ringing the bell!"

[Triumph36]

Jerk Store is one of my favorites ('I'm not going to dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience!'), but here's a super-obscure one that always killed me.

Jerry: (on noticing that Kramer smells bad from doing laps in the East River) ... You're swimming in the East River? The most heavily trafficked, overly contaminated waterway on the Eastern Seaboard?

Kramer: (deadpan) Technically, Norfolk has more gross tonnage.

[DrVanNostrin]

"Nice game, pretty boy."

[ceczar]

"After he heckled Toby, she got so upset she ran out of the building and a street sweeper ran over her foot and severed her pinky-toe."
"That's unbelievable!"
"Yeah, then after the ambulance left, I found the toe. So, I put it in a Cracker Jack box, filled it with ice and took off for the hospital."
"You ran?"
"No, I jumped on the bus. I told the driver, 'I got a toe here buddy. Step on it!'"
"Holy cow!"
"Yeah yeah, then all of a sudden this guy pulls out a gun. Well, I knew any delay's gonna cost her her pinky-toe, so I got out of the seat and I started walking towards him. He says, 'Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?' I says, 'Well, I got a little prize for you, buddy.' Pwaa! Pwaa! Keeyah! Knocked him out cold!"
"How could you do that?"
"Yeah, then everybody is screaming because the driver, he's passed out because of all the commotion. The bus is out of control! So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel... Now I'm driving the bus!"
"You're Batman."
"Yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So, I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door with my foot at the next stop."
"You kept making all the stops?"
"Well, people kept ringing the bell!"
"What about the toe? What happened to the toe?"
"Well, I am happy to say that the little guy is back in place at the end of the line."
"You did all this for a pinky-toe?"
"Well, it's a valuable appendage."

[By-Tor]

"Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. Seven. Seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, and eventually seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a
service."

[DemonDeac]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
This one requires some setup:

George Costanza: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant.
[Hits a home run]
George Costanza: It's not complicated.
Derek Jeter: Now, who are you again?
George Costanza: George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary.
Bernie Williams: Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?
George Costanza: Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?
Derek Jeter: We won the World Series.
George Costanza: In six games.

[/ QUOTE ]

"I calculated the odds of ever having the chance to have sex with a Portuguese woman again. Mathematically, I had to do it."

[/ QUOTE ]

you're welcome [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Russ M.]

Jerry: Hey everybody, I'm on no sleep, no sleep!. You don't know what it's like in there, all night long things are creeping and cracking. And that red light is burning my brain!
Elaine: You look a little stressed.
Jerry: Oh I'm stressed!
Elaine: So Kramer what am I supposed to do? If I don't have that fur hat by four o'clock they're gonna take me down like Nixon.
Jerry: You know my friend Bob Sacamano?
Elaine: I thought he was Kramer's friend.
Jerry: Well, he called last night about 3 a.m. we got to talking, he sells Russian hats down at battery park, forty bucks.
Elaine: Forty bucks? Are they Sable?
Jerry: No, but the difference is unnoticeable.
Kramer: Oh yea, I like this idea.
Elaine: Alright, lets give it a shot, lets go.
Jerry: Giddee up!