Beat: My Life

[_dave_]

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Did you just start taking prozac. I started like 2 weeks ago and my Dr said a small % of people Get even more depressed often resulting in suicide.

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I just wrote a huge long thing about this and then deleted it for some reason. It didn't feel like the right time. Maybe I should retype it up.

In short, increased depression and suicidal thoughts are common initial side effects. Usually they go away but in some people they never do. Depsite the overwhelming help it's given people prozac, along with it's very similar brother zoloft, is getting phased out of use because of these detriments and newer, more effective medicines are being opted for.

This is why a perosn should always talk to somebody. It could be a very simple and tangible problem such as this.

I could go into more detail if anybody has any interest.

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Please retype the "huge long thing about this".

All I remember is watching an horrific BBC documentary on SSRI antidepressants / teen suicides a few years ago. A few quick googles and it would seem to have gained more weight as time has passed.


I may be way off base, but I should imagine to anyone trying to recover from suicidal thoughts - the idea that it was "because of the drugs" rather than their natural tandancies, could be greatly therapeutic?

Lurker - glad to hear you are still with us... keep it this way please [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[somanygeeks]

Post deleted by citanul

[john voight]

wow you are scum for saying that
what makes you say such things to ppl you odnt know?
why you need to put ppl down?

[boomshakalaka]

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wow you are scum for saying that
what makes you say such things to ppl you odnt know?
why you need to put ppl down?

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in any other thread Id tell you to "take it to oot emo boy"

[Quicksilvre]

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UPDATE FOLKS:

Just had an MSN chat with Lurker, and hes still on the sad side, but is SAFE with his family and we've discussed a potential plan in the near future which he seems excited about.

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[yoyowhoawhoa3]

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UPDATE FOLKS:

Just had an MSN chat with Lurker, and hes still on the sad side, but is SAFE with his family and we've discussed a potential plan in the near future which he seems excited about.

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[Quicksilvre]

Lurker,

I know you've got a lot of other people who have posted here already, but I figure I'm going to share my story as well.

I am the same as as you are (about three weeks older) and I would say that I have been depressed for almost nine years. My time in elementary school was pretty uneventful (two-parent household, typical # of friends, etc.) until sixth grade, when my then-best-friend decided I was a dick and started to treat me like trash. I still don't know why and I honestly don't want to recall it right now, but I spent my last year in elementary school in a total hell, bullied every day and increasingly isolated. Middle school was absolutely no help. It didn't help that I occasionally behaved in a manner unbecoming for public. (I think I may have a mild form of ADHD; I'll just leave it at that.)

So high school rolls around and I only have two or three friends left. Ninth grade is no worse, but really no better. I recall one teacher asking me after class if I needed emotional help, but he specifically asked about a kid who wasn't a problem for me, so I had plausible deniability. That might be when I bottomed out; I recall one time after school that I just burst into tears, because there was a girl in my last-period class that I thought would never go for someone like me.

I have been physically/chronically ill since tenth grade. A couple of months after my diagnosis, the only girlfriend I've ever had--who has had many emotional problems herself--broke up with me abruptly without explanation. I spent most of the next two years in stasis--I had no energy to socialize, partly due to depression and partly due to my other health problems.

When I went off to college, I figured that I would be able to turn things around. Long story short, that wasn't the case. I failed to interact with my roommate, and I lost my second semester to poor health. This would be my second bottoming out--waking up every day at noon, going to bed at 3AM, and interacting with no one.

I'm a little better now, for no other reason than that college forces me to be with other people and my classes keep me from dwelling on things. I would still say I am depressed, though.

Yet, I have no desire to kill myself. I did in the past, but I haven't felt that way in months now.

Why?

Back in July, my mother hurt herself. We have an apple tree in our backyard, and she stepped on one and rolled her ankle. The same weekend my sister went in for oral surgery, so for a couple of days I did everything--doing laundry for everyone, cooking for everyone, taking medications up to my sister's room, and so on.

I think I had an epiphany around this time. Doing all of this stuff made me both truly appreciate all that my family has done for me, and all that I could do for them. Instead of shutting my door and blaring my music, I kept it open in case someone needed something. And I loved it--I felt like there was a purpose in my life for the first time in a long time. It also convinced me that I really honestly could interact with other people--my great fear is that I never marry and die alone because I'm incapable of establishing new relationships. Being that caring for others, even for that short amount of time, convinced me that I can do it.

I am depressed now. However, I know that someday I will get the bravery to pick up the phone, call the university counseling center, and schedule an appointment. Once I do that, I have all the tools to get better. The clouds are going to clear and the sun will shine again, eventually.

So, to wrap this all up...I do hope you'll get help, Lurker. I hope you realize all that you bring to the table. I started to feel hope for the first time when I realized that.

Sorry for making this so long.

[SuperUberBob]

OP



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Anyways, don't do it buddy. Nothing can be bad enough to kill yourself over.

[React1oN]

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To those that posted the "he's looking for attention" type posts:

What the [censored] is wrong with you? It takes a real bleeding pussy to post something like that where a hurting person can read it. Even if it were true, what type of postivity can the person take from it? If they ARE looking for attention, likely a barrage of more of the same type of behavior will follow, since they were unsuccessful in their attempt to garner attention. If they AREN'T looking for attention, you have a corpse, and a very sad story. Don't be idiots next time. Kthxbai.

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QFT lurker have you ever been walking down the street and seen like a beer can rolling along the sidewalk and you cant hear anything besides the sound of it clanking along because its night and then your like maybe there are animals in the woods and so you taKE THE TRAIL INTO THE WOODS AND YOU ARE LIKE WTF AM IN THE WOODS LOOKING FOR ANIMALS and then you just lie down and your like im bored so im going to go to a store but all the stores are closed because society is anti insomniac and then your like i could go to a club but i dont want to go because going clubbing makes me depressed/is awkward and so your like i guess iw ll have to go to wal mart and your like wow i hate walmart i guess ill go to the bathroom and then you end up buying food there and when you leave your like hahahahahah i hate that place its time to go steal a pony from walmart because walamrt keeps ponies in the back and then you choose the biege one because no one likes THE BIEGE ONE BECUASE IT LOOKS LIKE COFFEEE and then you decide to ride to a girls house and she says "holy cow you have a biege unicorn" and you tell her its a pony not a unicorn and she say "sorry only my words get quotation marks because im pretty and your not so im right" and like whatever lets ride this unicorn thingy and then the moon is really huge and she decides that she hates you so your like i guess i will have to give you the blue pill kthx enjoiy your journy back to teh matrix bye???????????????????????????

[/ QUOTE ]That's probably the greatest story ever. Do you do drugs?

[yoyowhoawhoa3]

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Lurker,

I know you've got a lot of other people who have posted here already, but I figure I'm going to share my story as well.

I am the same as as you are (about three weeks older) and I would say that I have been depressed for almost nine years. My time in elementary school was pretty uneventful (two-parent household, typical # of friends, etc.) until sixth grade, when my then-best-friend decided I was a dick and started to treat me like trash. I still don't know why and I honestly don't want to recall it right now, but I spent my last year in elementary school in a total hell, bullied every day and increasingly isolated. Middle school was absolutely no help. It didn't help that I occasionally behaved in a manner unbecoming for public. (I think I may have a mild form of ADHD; I'll just leave it at that.)

So high school rolls around and I only have two or three friends left. Ninth grade is no worse, but really no better. I recall one teacher asking me after class if I needed emotional help, but he specifically asked about a kid who wasn't a problem for me, so I had plausible deniability. That might be when I bottomed out; I recall one time after school that I just burst into tears, because there was a girl in my last-period class that I thought would never go for someone like me.

I have been physically/chronically ill since tenth grade. A couple of months after my diagnosis, the only girlfriend I've ever had--who has had many emotional problems herself--broke up with me abruptly without explanation. I spent most of the next two years in stasis--I had no energy to socialize, partly due to depression and partly due to my other health problems.

When I went off to college, I figured that I would be able to turn things around. Long story short, that wasn't the case. I failed to interact with my roommate, and I lost my second semester to poor health. This would be my second bottoming out--waking up every day at noon, going to bed at 3AM, and interacting with no one.

I'm a little better now, for no other reason than that college forces me to be with other people and my classes keep me from dwelling on things. I would still say I am depressed, though.

Yet, I have no desire to kill myself. I did in the past, but I haven't felt that way in months now.

Why?

Back in July, my mother hurt herself. We have an apple tree in our backyard, and she stepped on one and rolled her ankle. The same weekend my sister went in for oral surgery, so for a couple of days I did everything--doing laundry for everyone, cooking for everyone, taking medications up to my sister's room, and so on.

I think I had an epiphany around this time. Doing all of this stuff made me both truly appreciate all that my family has done for me, and all that I could do for them. Instead of shutting my door and blaring my music, I kept it open in case someone needed something. And I loved it--I felt like there was a purpose in my life for the first time in a long time. It also convinced me that I really honestly could interact with other people--my great fear is that I never marry and die alone because I'm incapable of establishing new relationships. Being that caring for others, even for that short amount of time, convinced me that I can do it.

I am depressed now. However, I know that someday I will get the bravery to pick up the phone, call the university counseling center, and schedule an appointment. Once I do that, I have all the tools to get better. The clouds are going to clear and the sun will shine again, eventually.

So, to wrap this all up...I do hope you'll get help, Lurker. I hope you realize all that you bring to the table. I started to feel hope for the first time when I realized that.

Sorry for making this so long.

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DO NOT TAKE MY POST AS MEAN

I'm being 100% serious and not a dick, you know something is wrong, you're not happy, but you haven't done anything? I fail to understand how that makes sense? I mean you can change anything, I was paralyzed as a kid due to a rare disease, I've had girl problems like anyone else, divorced parents, have been in county jail for more then 24 hours for something i didn't do (everyone right?), have had a close friend die and I'm only 20. Everyone has problems, everyone is depressed, my [censored] no more worse then joe schmoe down the street, but I pick myself up everytime and move on with life.

I'm trying to understand where we differ, not being mean but being honest here. You see change, you see hope, etc. but yet you don't go for it. Splain please sir.