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#251
04-14-2007, 02:56 PM
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Re: Pregnant GF
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] Its entirely her fault and not at all his that he decided to be irresponsible and not wrap it up. [/ QUOTE ] She was on the pill, AND they add an agreement to abort if a pregnancy happened. This IS entirely her fault. If she hadn't [censored] changed her mind and gone back on their agreement, this wouldn't have ever happened. [/ QUOTE ] She's [censored] TWENTY YEARS OLD, dude. She has no idea what she'd actually want. And you still think this absolves him of any and all responsibility? [/ QUOTE ] Of course this doesn't exempt from any of his responsibilities, but it does place a large chunk of blame on the girl. It IS unfair to OP that the girl decided to change her mind on such a hugely important decision. I'm not saying that it's entirely her fault or that OP can use this as an excuse, but it is unfair. 
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#252
04-14-2007, 03:36 PM
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Re: Pregnant GF
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Its entirely her fault and not at all his that he decided to be irresponsible and not wrap it up. [/ QUOTE ] She was on the pill, AND they add an agreement to abort if a pregnancy happened. This IS entirely her fault. If she hadn't [censored] changed her mind and gone back on their agreement, this wouldn't have ever happened. [/ QUOTE ] LOL. Pretty sure any legal attempt to argue that there was an agreement or verbal contract would get laughed out of the room. I don't see an offer, acceptance, or consideration and what proof of this so-called "agreement" is there except the OP's word? He could very well have been exaggerating in his panic attack. This thread sure has been helpful in identifying the immature slimeballs out there...
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#253
04-14-2007, 03:59 PM
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Re: Pregnant GF
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] Its entirely her fault and not at all his that he decided to be irresponsible and not wrap it up. [/ QUOTE ] She was on the pill, AND they add an agreement to abort if a pregnancy happened. This IS entirely her fault. If she hadn't [censored] changed her mind and gone back on their agreement, this wouldn't have ever happened. [/ QUOTE ] LOL. Pretty sure any legal attempt to argue that there was an agreement or verbal contract would get laughed out of the room. I don't see an offer, acceptance, or consideration and what proof of this so-called "agreement" is there except the OP's word? He could very well have been exaggerating in his panic attack. [/ QUOTE ] If the point of the discussion is to see what would hold up in court, this may have some merit. If the point of the discussion is about how much responsibility OP should have in this situation - and given the various "slimeball" comments getting thrown around this thread, I think that's the real discussion - I think the girl reneging on something like that is hugely significant, and whether you can "prove it" or not to a court doesn't really change the moral issue. She gets to make all the choices (nobody responded to my gender-reversed hypothetical, but I can't imagine many people telling the woman that because the guy changed his mind and wanted the baby that she could no longer abort it if that was still her wish); doesn't that mean she should accrue more of the responsibility as well? I have no idea what I would have done in OP's situation. In that situation now, I'd definitely accept her decision, but there are a lot of things that are different. I'm older, and my girlfriend has explicitly told me that if she were to get pregnant now she would probably want the baby, which really makes things vastly different, in my opinion.
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#254
04-14-2007, 04:45 PM
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Re: Pregnant GF
Wow tough spot OP....you gotta talk this through with ur gf. Can she be convinced to put the child for adoption? My 2c is that this is best . .what you've got to realise is that the most important thing in this whole [censored] situation is that the kid gets brought up right.
Oh yeah forget about all this "it's not fair, she changed her mind" bs. If your situation is "unfair" think about how "unfair" your child's situation is going to be if you run away. If ur gf keeps the kid then you have to be there as a parent. Running is totally not an option.
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#255
04-14-2007, 05:14 PM
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Re: Pregnant GF
OP
I really, really, really, really hope you take the following things to heart. You can still leave that town if she has the baby. Take her with you. It will not be easy, but after a while it will be doable. A month ago she was the girl you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Now you are so sure you must end the relationship? I understand the trauma, but please, please, please rethink this position. You essentially stated "I am not ready to be a father" but "I would be a great father one day". I call bs. One or the other is true. If this happened when you were 25, most likely nothing would be different. You would be a small-time poker player who does ok, and she would be an unmarried girl getting pressured by her family. Either you are going to be a good father in life or you aren't. Waiting three years isn't going to do [censored] for your ability to be a father. I am not in your situation, but if I were you I would support her, love my child and marry her. Move out of town when the child turns 3-4 and she finishes school (GOD DAMM MAKE HER FINISH SCHOOL THIS IS SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL AGREE TOO /DISCUSSION). Her family will be essential for the first few years. Take her and the child to a place where she can get a good job with her education, and you can grow as a family. Tell her all of these things. Tell her you will support her and that you want to be a good father, and just do it. Just decide to be a good father, and tell her that you want to leave this town, and you want to raise a family with her somewhere other than this god-awful place. That's my line. And to me it is pretty clear this is the only happy solution for everyone involved. She is happy, the baby is cared for, you can swallow a tough pill and stay in that town for a few years. Please anyone tell me if this doesnt perfect sense.
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#256
04-14-2007, 05:15 PM
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Re: Pregnant GF
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] "I really dont know what to do. I'm obviously not ready to be a father. I was planning selling my house and moving within a year. I was planning on proposing to her this coming Christmas.(we both wanted to have a 2+ yr engagement period before getting married)" So, you love this young woman, you were willing to constantly have sex with her, but you decided you don't have the balls to man up when you get her pregnant, just because it ruins your plans to be free? I understand the feelings behind the post, but it's tough for me to say anything other than be responsible for what you chose to do and what she decides to do. And why is everyone so dead set against a minivan? You can do a ton of things with them that you can't with a pickup, yet you can do some bulk item hauling when need be. Maybe I'm just a geek.... [/ QUOTE ] Prepare to be hated by the masses of immature 16-year-olds that now seem to infest this forum. You're right, but they won't let that get in the way. Only his life is "ruined" obviously. Its entirely her fault and not at all his that he decided to be irresponsible and not wrap it up. (On the record: My brother got married in June. His wife got pregnant 2 months later completely unplanned., on the pill and he says he was wrapping it. It can happen, kids. Pay attention and try not to be stupid. Real life happens real fast sometimes.) [/ QUOTE ] The fact that it can happen doesn't mean it isn't the oldest trick in the book. It doesn't even mean your brother was really wrapping it. I've heard guys tell me that and then say, well, I mean, not EVERY time ... You couldn't tell by looking at these guys that they were any stupider than anyone else ...
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#257
04-14-2007, 05:22 PM
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Re: Pregnant GF
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#258
04-14-2007, 05:22 PM
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Re: Pregnant GF
[ QUOTE ]
Good post, but if we'd wait for people to be THAT well-planned, the world would be a much less crowded space... for bad and good. I think you might be more pie-in-the-sky than I am.... :P [/ QUOTE ] I was talking about what folks would be smart to do, not what most will do. Most people aren't too smart. That of course is one big reason why there are more people working at McJobs than driving Mercedes. In aiming for what to do in one's own life, or course, it's usually better to aim high, especially taking normal human weakness and folly and accident and bad luck into account. That way at least if one falls short, a mark might still be hit that's worth hitting. Embracing the average right off the bat might mean never even reaching the average at all. There really are people in life who don't make the most obvious f*ck-ups. They're rare, but it's far from impossible. I don't think it's very likely that the world will go lacking for children, either. Significantly, the best-off countries have low birthrates. The resultant lack of poverty attracts more immigrants from an endless supply. The world will go on without us either rushing our own reproduction or going overboard on it. It wouldn't even be a bad thing if people would consider adoption more often. The world would be one heck of a better place.
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#260
04-14-2007, 05:35 PM
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Re: Pregnant GF
Danny, your post sounds so ideal...sounds like you ripped off a country music singer.
OP, I am so sorry for you. Convince her that she is not making a practical decision w/ her hormones all over the place. This is a nightmare of a spot. LOL I just remembered that crappy post where someone ran over a nail and made a post about the worst day of their life.
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