Banana = Atheist's Nightmare

[JMAnon]

The teaser for my next horror novel:
Jimmy woke screaming. Images of perfectly formed yellow appendages curved menacingly toward his face in the impenatrable darkness. Had it really been a dream? As he groped for the switch on his bedside lamp, Jimmy felt a "non-slip surface" brush his hand. As he inhaled sharply, his nostrils filled with the hellish odor of suntan lotion and Starbucks' muffins. Then he knew the truth. It was no dream, Jimmy was about to come face to peel with the atheist's nightmare. . . .

[Silent A]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm at work so no video. Can someone give me the cliff's notes?

[/ QUOTE ]
Kirk Cameron and older guy are sitting in front of a mountain lake. Older guy does all the talking.

"Behold the atheist's nightmare" (holds up banana)

"if you study a well made banana you'll find that on the far side there are 3 ridges, on the close side there are 2 ridges. if you get your hand ready to grip a banana you'll find on the far side there are 3 grooves on the close side two grooves"

The guy now inserts the banana into his hand through an openening made by his thumb and forefinger in a manner most reminiscent of hand signals meant to insinuate sex.

Other features of "all-mighty god's banana" include:

- a non-slip surface
- has outward indicators of inward contents
- it has a tab at the top like a soda can does
- "when you pull the tab the contents don't squirt in your face"
- has a bio-degradable wrapper
- peel sits gracefully over the human hand when peeled
- "has a point at the top for easy entry"
- "just the right shape for the human mouth"
- chewy and easy to digest
- "curved towards the face to make the whole process easier"

"Seriously Kirk, the whole of creation testifies to the genius of God"

[spaceman Bryce]

I dont even like bananas

[gisb0rne]

The best part is that Kirk seems to be trying hard not to laugh.

[Senor Cardgage]

[ QUOTE ]
The best part is that Kirk seems to be trying hard not to laugh.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sadly, Kirk is way into this. I've watched a couple episodes of this show just out of morbid curiosity. Something about it entertained me, but I wouldn't recommend it.

[morphball]

[ QUOTE ]
Did Satan create the pineapple?

[/ QUOTE ]

Satan created Lima beans.

[bdypdx]

Anthropomorphism at it's finest!
[img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

The "outward indicators" of "inward content" are great. Green, too early, yellow, just right, and black too late. For a human or perhaps some other simian, yellow is just right; but other species may prefer one of the other stages....

I'm headin to church tomorrow....

bdy

[Case Closed]

He's holding the banana upside down. What a doof.

[bdypdx]

Just curious, but I want this guy to explain how gelfite fish came about.

First, ye must de-bone the fish....ummmm, where are the tabs, the nonslip surface, and the outward indicator of the inside contents?



-bdy

[damaniac]

Ba-nah-nuh? Does anyone else say it like that? Or is it just me and my "Michigan accent" that find that odd?