Can relationship trust be regained?

[skunkworks]

I just wanted to hop in and second Blarg's opinion that you should not let her make you feel guilty for snooping around. That's just her way of deflecting blame and trying to turn the tables on you.

Unless you're the jealous crazy type who goes overboard, doing some snooping when you're suspicious isn't terrible.

[Duke]

Trust isn't really the issue here. Let's look at your options:

1. Stay with her
* she won't respect you anymore
* she will do the same stuff again
* she will eventually take off

2. You leave her, and take her back because she begs you to forgive her
* she'll always resent you for leaving her in the first place
* she will eventually leave you because of that

3. You leave her for real
* she'll hate you for not trying to understand
* you won't be hurt nearly as much
* you'll stop wasting your life on a dead relationship

[Dids]

I imagine that this is a question that's specific to each person and each relationship. I would hazzard that if you're posting this, in your case, it can't.

[SonofDjugashvili]

My 2nd wife cheated on me. It was kind of a weird situation, in some ways similar to yours. There was lots of weird "make-up" sex afterward. We are divorced now. Those are the basics.
As has been pointed out, "developed feelings for another man" is much worse than f*cking another man. If she is capable of that, she does not really love you. There is no hope for your relationship - it might drag on for 6 months or 6 years, but IT WILL END, and then it will be more painful/expensive. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilt - IT IS ALL HER FAULT.
END THIS NOW.

[Boris]

The only way I could get over this is if I somehow convinced myself that I don't mind my wife screwing other dudes. Not sure I could do this but lots of other couples seem to be OK with it.

Sorry about your effed up situation. It sucks going through a breakup but with time you will get over it.

[MediaPA]

Find your self-respect and walk away. It'll always be in the back of your mind when you see her talking to some guy whether it is a friend or random person. Probably not how you want to live the rest of your days.

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
I will offer that the issues only went as far as kissing and developing feelings for another man....nothing more...

[/ QUOTE ]

Phew - at least not much happened...

Like Dids mentioned there are no hard and fast rules, but in general, considering you guys are engaged and about to get married, this is a pretty grim indicator of things to come.

Calculus is very different if you were married with kids, imo.

-Al

[The Yugoslavian]

Sounds like a deal-breaker for you.

Bummer dude.

Yugoslav

[shadowtrooper]

[ QUOTE ]

3. You leave her for real
* you won't be hurt nearly as much
* you'll stop wasting your life on a dead relationship

[/ QUOTE ]

We have a winner.

[Mr. Philosophy]

You will never be able to completely trust her again no matter what. When you don't have that in a relationship, it is time to end it.