Interested in Girl at Work - Page 2

TonyDanza · #11 06-25-2007, 05:35 PM

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One question, is she going to school in the same city or will she leave at the end of summer? Does she figure to be back at your firm after the next school year?

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She goes to school in the same city. Her apartment is also a few blocks from where I will be living in September. Also, she made the comment today that she was considering clerking here during the school year a few times a week. She will only be doing this if she gets an offer. My guess is that she will get an offer. She wouldn't start full-time until September 2008.

bobman0330 · #12 06-25-2007, 05:48 PM

Don't do anything until she goes back to school.

goodsamaritan · #13 06-25-2007, 05:49 PM

FWIW, when I was a summer associate I hooked up with a first year associate and still got an offer and the associate didn't get fired for it even though other people found out about it. Though I did hear that a partner mentioned to her that such things are frowned upon. I imagine that if it were a dude associate hooking up with a female summer, it might be slightly more frowned upon cause of the possible assumption that the dude was taking advantage of her. But I definitely know of female summers who hooked up with male associates and nothing terrible happened to them either.

From reading your post, it sounds like the chick in this situation is not really worth it and possibly not interested in you because of the other dude. And you don't want to look like the fool who hits on chicks at the office even when they are not interested. I'd say play it cool and if you're at a happy hour and something happens, then go for it (very discretely of course), but its probably not worth the trouble actively pursuing this chick.

SonofDjugashvili · #14 06-25-2007, 06:04 PM

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One question, is she going to school in the same city or will she leave at the end of summer? Does she figure to be back at your firm after the next school year?

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She goes to school in the same city. Her apartment is also a few blocks from where I will be living in September. Also, she made the comment today that she was considering clerking here during the school year a few times a week. She will only be doing this if she gets an offer. My guess is that she will get an offer. She wouldn't start full-time until September 2008.

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IMHO don't make a move. Let her initiate if anything is to happen. It sounds like she is "seeing" the other guy - all the more reason not to look like a jackass at the office. Generally, not a good idea to make a move on someone at work, but for f***'s sake, if you are going to make one - be successful. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] Nothing worse than having a bad rep and getting nothing for it. Brag - I picked up an assistant (not mine and she was quitting in a week) and her friend (female [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]) for a 3-some at a Christmas party. I got some dirty looks and grief, but !!!! [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

TonyDanza · #15 06-25-2007, 06:06 PM

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but its probably not worth the trouble actively pursuing this chick.

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I appreciate your advice, and I can't see myself doing anything unless all signals were a go and it could happen discretely. From all indications this girl is likely to drink more/let her guard down in a setting outside of a work happy hour. My gut feeling is that if something is going to happen, it will, and there is no reason to force anything. I've dropped the ball a few times on setting something up outside of work when she's made a comment that "I go to X all the time, you should go" or "oh, really? we should go there sometime." FWIW, those signals have died down over the last week.

TonyDanza · #16 06-25-2007, 06:09 PM

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Generally, not a good idea to make a move on someone at work, but for f***'s sake, if you are going to make one - be successful.

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I agree, getting shot down would be terrible. Normally, my ego can take getting shot down, but if she and everyone at work knew, it would make the dynamic at work horrible.

TonyDanza · #17 06-25-2007, 06:14 PM

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FWIW, when I was a summer associate I hooked up with a first year associate and still got an offer and the associate didn't get fired for it even though other people found out about it.

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One of the hottest girls in my law school class started dating an associate at her law firm either during or after her summer there. It is a much bigger law firm and the then-associate ended up leaving (by choice). They are still dating, so I could get her advice as to how it went down. I do agree, however, that it would definitely be more frowned upon being the male in the associate position than your situation.

The Yugoslavian · #18 06-25-2007, 06:18 PM

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1) Should I proceed as if she is dating some guy or does it matter?

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Uhhh, seriously? Ummm, she *may* be *sorta* dating this lame guy and you think it might affect what you should do?

Also, using the excuse that you don't drink to not go to a bar is the WORST EXCUSE ever. Can't ppl man up and just say "I hate all of you and suck at life" instead?

As for your actual situation....you should really keep all at work flirting light and non-physical. Basically use it to setup drinks or whatnot. The best thing probably to do is organize another get together with not many people...and switch venues or stay until it's just you and her. Then you will naturally be one-on-one and you will feel perfectly comfortable mentioning how you like her vibe and want to see her move. And/or want to show her a cool thing back at your place or her place or whatever.

Yugoslav

PS Obv you should go for it...just don't be a huge idiot.

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The guy is not drinking, bc he is studying for the bar.

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Ugh...my issue isn't with not drinking. My issue is with using it as an excuse. Like 90% of the time someone isn't drinking they say "oh I can't go out with my friends b/c I'm not drinking tonight." THAT is the limiting belief I think is retarded!

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Yugoslav

MitchL · #19 06-25-2007, 06:34 PM

Gotcha.

BretWeir · #20 06-25-2007, 06:44 PM

From a lawyer who's worked at big firms:

Don't be the predatory associate who tries to date the summers. If she shoots you down, everybody will find out and you'll be a laughingstock (to the summer associates as well as the real lawyers). If you do hook up, it'll eventually get out and you'll be "that guy who slept with a summer." Plus the partners won't be pleased; especially if you're a summer buddy/mentor or whatever your firm calls it, they're going to look down on you mixing business with pleasure. Most firms I've been at allow dating between two associates, but not between different links in the food chain because of supervision/power relationship issues -- i.e., an associate can date an associate, but not a partner or a summer associate. Not good for your career, if you expect to stay with this firm.

If you like her and it looks like she's available, play it cool for the rest of the summer and get to know her at group events. If she's sending signals that she might be interested, wait until she's back in school and see if you can get things going then. She won't be working with you, and if/when she comes back to the firm, it'll be as a regular associate, so the dynamic will be much different (and better).

BTW, someone bailing on happy hour because they're "studying for the bar" in early June is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.