Marriage

[Peter Harris]

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3) relationship
we've gone 4 years. ups and downs. we get along great and it won't change for a long time. I hate the idea of scrapping this and hitting on women again. We're a damn good fit. We're not religious, so if we unmesh, divorce is a non-issue. Neither of us want kids, which is perfect. Again, in 20 years things may change, but at present we're good for one another.

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What's that got to do with getting married?

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damn, i have no idea what a good relationship with my partner has to do with our marriage. maybe i should just ask a stranger...

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I dont think that is what he means. why should you get married just because you have a great relationship. Ie, if it aint broke dont fix it.

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jenny and i both didnt get that [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]
we arent getting married just because. iirc i wrote a few reasons, including this one.

[NT!]

To me, marriage is more about celebrating what you've got, enjoying traditions and customs, and throwing a good party.

Myself and the lady friend have been at it nearly 5 years, but we're not in any rush to get married. We're quite committed to one another - we've made big sacrifices to be together, moving to a new city together, etc. Some folks bug us about when we're going to tie the knot. We'll get around to it, when life is a bit less hectic and we can relax, enjoy it and have a kickass reception.

I guess I can see the puzzlement with it, and how a lot of it is just social pressure, the legal / cultural incentives have been greatly diminished, etc. But I still think it will be fun and nice when we do it, so there's that.

[Peter Harris]

oh snap forgot about the partying and the sweeeet honeymoon.

[RunDownHouse]

Peter,

I've lived with the gf for more than 3 years now and been together longer than that, so its not like I'm completely unfamiliar with this sort of situation.

"we've gone 4 years. ups and downs... We're a damn good fit." What's that got to do with marriage? "we get along great and it won't change for a long time... We're not religious, so if we unmesh, divorce is a non-issue." The only reason the former sentence matters wrt marriage is the latter, easing the separation process. And as Rushmore pointed out and you admit, this isn't nearly as big of a deal as it used to be. "Neither of us want kids, which is perfect." What's this got to do with marriage?

Don't get me wrong, I plan on marrying my gf, probably sooner rather than later. But a lot of my motivation comes from emotional reasons and my gf basically expecting it. I don't see why the very things you listed in your paragraph require marriage. There are plenty of people out there with relationships long enough to get common law status, but never saw fit to get formally married, and I don't think you could objectively look at their relationship side-by-side with a married couple and find any sort of real difference. Maybe ease of separation?

EDIT: I realize I sound kinda contradictory saying that marriage is much more about emotional reasons than logical, and then trying to look at Peter's answer in a logical fashion. Which is what makes analyzing this sort of thing logically misleading in the first place. If Peter had said, "Because we love each other and feel its right for us," I would have just nodded and gone on my way. But attempting to justify marriage with things like "Neither of us want kids" just breaks down, even though most of what Peter probably feels boils down to "Because we love each other and feel its right for us."

[Peter Harris]

RDH,
i'd never marry someone if they were wishy-washy on the subject of kids. i never want them and strongly expect that not to change. the security of knowing someone shares the same view makes me happier committing.

Jenny wanted marriage more than me, surely, but i still want it and the benefits of doing so now far outweigh waiting another few years.

EDIT: all ltr's are hard to separate from, emotionally and financially. anyone who thinks marriage vastly alters this is pretty deluded.

EDIT: i do look at weddings in a logical fashion, being secular too. i've explained to jenny that the nature of our relationship will not be altered by marriage except for better legal protection, more cultural acceptance in other social settings, a sweet party and a ring i can wear now and again.

[NozeCandy]

Because weddings are really [censored] fun. Lots of gifts that will help you a bunch if you don't have them already. Who doesn't like a party? If you're in a serious relationship that isn't going to be changed by marriage, the better question is why not.

[renodoc]

Because you have to be sealed in the temple for you to make it to the celestial realm where families are forever.

[RunDownHouse]

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all ltr's are hard to separate from, emotionally and financially. anyone who thinks marriage vastly alters this is pretty deluded.

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Emotionally, sure, but I could pack my bags and fly to Mexico tomorrow if I wanted, with absolutely no financial or legal repercussions. Not so if I was married. I'm not sure about the consequences if you qualify as a common law spouse.

Anyways, I wasn't trying to criticize you and your fiance or your relationship or anything like that, so sorry if it came off that way. I didn't want to hijack the thread.

[Peter Harris]

lol rdh you only came off as the traditional inquisitive 2+2er, no offense taken! jeez, do i sound sensitive? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

I could fly off to mexico tomorrow too if i wanted! Jenny would probably ask to come too, and once we're married that won't change - again, relationships married or no involve compromise, so if i want to do anything, its repercussions to our relationship would always be considered. Whether married or not i'm sure the financial repercussion will be the same (already have joint account and share incomes).

[KJS]

I would add something family-related that is outside the scope of property. I think it is a consideration for a lot of people that being married validates their relationship to their family members. People are treated very different as in-laws than as 'that person my brother is dating'. Many people long for their life partners to have that extra acceptance amongst their family members and it, IMO, can be an important factor when considering marriage.

KJS