Vegas TR 9/12-17: (I was bombed and eventually found hook... escorts.)

[Georgia Avenue]

Either way you lose. Butwewin,shipit!

nh

[Obfuscation]

Friday 9/15/06: Decide to head to Downtown Vegas because I had never been so my friend and I grab a cab. Our other pal gets in from LA early evening so we have some time. Take a quick stroll around Fremont Street or whatever. Kinda cool, sorta. Wind up poking around the Golden Nugget to find the alledgedly good buffet here. The place is in much better shape than I would have imagined. I mean, it was actually pretty nice. Poker room looked nice but desolate so didn’t sit. Wanted to do the obligatory Binions’ thing anyway.

Old lady at the buffet says that the seafood begins at in half-hour at 3:30 so come back at 3:15 to pay the lower price but still get the seafood. Fair enough. Let’s go kill some time playing a lil’ of the Ol’ Roule’. Buddy and I get served drinks by this smokin’ hot dark skinned latina. I mean. I loved her. A whole bunch. My oh my.

We tread water on a 10 dollar Roulette table for a bit then decide to go upstairs after one more spin. “Let’s make a dumb bet on the Eight.” “Sounds good.” So we drop 10 bucks a piece on El Ocho and I lean over kiddingly saying “This is gonna be cool.” The ball bounces around and !!!!!BAM!!!!! Yeah 8!!!! 350 each, please. SHIP IT. Winning at –EV gambling is sooooooooo fun. Awesome. We go upstairs and eat a metric ton of crablegs. It was actually a very good buffet. No kidding.

We get out to Fremont Street and I said something about how a sleazy strip club would be great right now. My friend’s like: “You’re in luck.” And points out the Glitter Gulch. Done. The girls here were merely ok but they were not total hags. In any event, they were topless and friendly and hit the spot after that 8 fell. 4 very enjoyable lap dances later with 4 of the largest bresticles ever, I’m very happy and we head over to Binions.

Binions was cool, I must say. I’m not too cool to say that I got a kick out of seeing “The Final Table” they had roped off on some small pedestal complete with hole cams etc. It was neat. I sat in the ½ game and was given a Corona in a plastic cup. Turns out it’s Biker Fest so no glass bottles this week. Comedy. We play for maybe 3 hours and this hand was responsible for my entire 200 profit for the session. Enter pot for 7 on the button with a suited K7 (lots of suited Kings on the button this week it seems) and flop three kings. Preflop raiser is clearly distressed and bets out a wimpy little 15 dollar bet. Another guy minraises him to 30 and I pause trying to determine where I’m at. I consider pushing knowing I’m ahead of the preflop raiser but may be outkicked by the reraiser if he’s for real and I have zero read. I decide to just call the 30 and see the turn. I get lucky and a glorious 7 falls filling me up. Check. Another bet to 30 and I push. Second guy tanks and then calls me with his K10 and I drag a nice pot. So I’ve played some NL at Binions. Cool.

Meanwhile, I get must-moved the the main game where everyone has at least 600 in front of them with some guys having about 1500 in hundie bills. One apparently flaming gay dude who may have been coked out is jumping all over the place and acting like a maniac. Looking at only one card, raising to 35-50 blind and just getting hammered by every flop. One of those sick runs that seems to bless maniacs from time to time. The cowboys at the table (Literally the 10 gallon hats and everything) were just redfaced about this guy. Personally I wasn’t in the mood to play seriously anymore so I just buttoned up tight and cashed out a half hour later to pick up my other buddy.

We all get showered up and ready and hit the Palms which is obviously filled with loads of gorgeous women. We grab a seat and play some $25 blackjack. Such a despicable game but we throw out a sidebet for who wins the most. I hate blackjack. Seems like the only decisions you get to make are the wrong ones. Terrible. I know cards are random etc. but man when someone takes the dealers busto card it’s friggin infuriating. I break absolutely even over an hour and take a stroll.

I wind up in the poker room just to check it out and play the somewhat oddly structured 4/8 with half kill game. I found the 1/2 blinds to be odd but it was a decent game if I was willing to sit all night. In a span of ten hands I had back to back pocket kings and then pocket aces. Of the three, only the first pocket kings held up but it was in a massive kill pot so I stood up winner about another 10BB which was fine after only an hour. Drink service was abysmal considering I only sat down to do some drinking, although the chick was ridiculous. I loved the chips by the way.

Afterwards, played some more roulette which was fun because there were so many pretty girls playing as well. Won a little bit but my friends went on a tear before I sat down and they were up huge. I am 90% sure I saw Angie Everheart on the cab line which started an argument over how much money does Angie Everheart possibly have blah blah blah... We all eventually left and headed for Cheetah’s. Mmmmmmm.

One minute in the door, a tall Russian stakes me out and I instantly make some dumb joke about her being from Belarus which I couldn’t even find on a map. Of course she actually was from Belarus so I now had a girlfriend. She spent most of the night on my lap trying to extort me but there you go. I went for the VIP dance and it was pretty sweet. Fair amount of rubbing and making out and what have you. As far as friendliness of dancers goes, I don’t care what anybody says, Cheetahs rules. I love that feeling when you have a stripper on your lap and your buddies are also sitting there with strippers on their laps and we’re all like: “Where the hell are we and how the hell did we get here?” Such a great joint.
Belarus asks for my cell number and I have to tip the bathroom attendant for a pen and he pushes me into the stall. She's then all about going back to my room but I'm somehow too content to leave yet. Couple hours later, I then decide take a halfhearted shot at getting this girl back to the room but it’s now almost 7am and I missed the window. Whoops. Ah well, there’s always tomorrow and I’m running on fumes, or so I thought.

We get outside and my buddy buys us some hot links which are basically really spicy hot dogs. Whoa. I’m up again. Buddies decide to let the cabbie to take us to the crappy massage joints across from the Stratosphere. Ugh. But hey, I’m almost done with the hot link so lessgo. Get inside. 70 bucks for the table shower and 40 minute massage. Fine. Fine. Take my money. I get a legitimately cute and buxom attendant who strips down to a thong and does her little thing with lots of energy and chuckles. Good times. I swear I’m not a scumbag in real life. I thought I was a 32 year old grown man but this turned out to be false. Oh well, giddy up: Vegas.

There are few funnier things than running into your friends in the hallway of some dank massage parlor at 8 in the morning, everyone wearing these sheepish grins on their face. No sooner had this happened with my one friend then my other friend crosses the hall in a bath towel from his table shower. Absolute comedy. “Oh, hey man.” *waves* We have to hike to the Stratosphere in the morning sun where my degenerate friends play more Roulette. I take another 600 out of the ATM despite winning 700 during the day. *shaking head* We finally get into a cab and then pass out, somewhat oily, but happy until the next day.

Saturday 9/16/06: To wrap things up we played 1/2 at MGM all day and got bombed. I played like a jerk plus ran bad to boot so I dropped about 350 but had a good time introducing my LA friend to the game. We met up for dinner at Craftsteak at 10pm. We all had the tasting menu and a decent bottle of wine. It was very good, but I wouldn’t say great. I’ve definitely had better steak but overall it was a nice meal. Ran about 140-150 a person with tip. Some more –EV gambling ensued. (Man, I hate blackjack) and some other shenanigans and we called it a trip. Somehow zombied onto my flight at 7am and got back home where I passed out at 9pm. Obviously I’ve done little at work today.

And that was my trip. Sat in 7 card rooms, about 14-15 casinos, mucho gambling, one Mike Tyson and several pros. Got 2 bachelor parties coming up before Spring so will be back sooner than later. Sorry so long, but thanks for listening.

[Mister Z]

Nice job. Thanks for giving the full report!

[Split Suit]

fantastic trip report.

[bobhalford]

I can't believe you paid for two asian parlor massages when apparently over the course of your trip there was a half-drunk chick that offered to hang with you and some russian stripper that wanted to sleep with you.

[youtalkfunny]

Yeah, the Russian stripper wasn't motivated by money. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Best trip report I've read in a long time. ME guy blowing tequila at allergic guy was hysterical.

[robber baron]

the first trip report in a while that I read cover to cover.

A+.

[Yo Adrians!]

If I have half this good of a time in a week or two ... man. Nice work, and fantastic report.

[Jive Dadson]

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I don't know, if some chick is walking down the street by herself in Vegas and just randomly starts talking to you and asks you to have a drink with her, she's probably a hooker. (I'm assuming you are no Brad Pitt). Even if she was a whore, though, it couldn't have been any worse than going to the Frontier.

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Oh agreed 100%

(Well, except that I am pretty fly, of course.)

But there was just something about her that seemed non-hookerish. I can't explain it.

Eh, she probably was.

[/ QUOTE ]

A scene from Leaving Las Vegas just flashed through my head.

[Obfuscation]

[ QUOTE ]
I can't believe you paid for two asian parlor massages when apparently over the course of your trip there was a half-drunk chick that offered to hang with you and some russian stripper that wanted to sleep with you.

[/ QUOTE ]

Me neither. Seriously.

Of course the girl was probably a hooker and the stripper surely would expect money.

Not a Brag. But not a beat. Definitely variance.