(OT): My Poker Situation, need advice (super long)

[bruin]

screw your dad. You can play poker a few hours a day, make bank and still do the rest of the stuff that he wants. If he doesn't like YOU making money then he's got a serious problem. As long as you maintain a balanced social life and keep school a priority, there is nothing wrong with poker.

(this is coming from someone in a pretty similar situation, just graduated HS but my parents are a bit more understanding).

[wildzer0]

Well, I think what it comes down to is how dependent are you on your parents, and if the answer is "a lot" are you willing to become more independent to pursue your interest in poker? I see posts like this a lot, and I guess a lot of people have this sort of situation, but for me it was different. I have a great relationship with my parents, but it was always understood that when I turned 18, I was on my own and could expect no kind of financial/living situation support. In return, they never questioned my decisions or tried to exert any kind of control over my life. I became an adult. And I certainly wouldn't have it any other way. I put myself through college (it's not easy, but it can be done), lived on my own and did whatever I wanted.

I mean, sorta the whole point of being 18 is that you get to start making your own decisions. I don't know your exact situation or anything, but I think a lot of parents are happy, or at least can respect it, when a kid takes over responsibility for his life. But if the benefits of your current situation outweight the negatives, then you can put poker on hold for a while until the situation changes. Basically what I'm saying is that if you are being supported by your parents, I would follow their rules, and if those rules aren't acceptable to you, work on changing the situation rather than looking for ways around the rules.

[SammyKid11]

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The great thing about going to college is you don't have to listen to your dad's stupid rules anymore.

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He does if he wants his dad to keep paying for college. I would try to negotiate before I would try to deceive. Maybe there are some groundrules (limit amount and time) with a certain GPA. ...Though the fact that your dad is so concerned about you lifting weights is a bit disconcerting.

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I knew this response would come up at some point. There have been lots of threads on these boards about this very topic (parents paying for school, told me I have to stop poker). Here's the bottom line:

If you're not living with your father, have your own bank account to which he doesn't have access, are of the age of legal majority...it is very unlikely that your father will find out whether or not you play poker on your own time. So assuming you aren't a complete moron about keeping private issues private...this isn't an issue of pragmatics (if he never finds out, he has no reason to quit paying for your schooling), it's an issue of responsibility and morality.

On Responsibility: Is it responsible for you to play poker? Only you can decide this. Are you a long-term consistent winner? Hard to say with such little play under your belt. But you do already have a roll and have made some money from poker. This is obviously good...it sounds like you do have issues playing within your bankroll -- that MUST be remedied or you WILL go bust if you keep playing.

Then there's the time perspective. Are you good at managing your time? If not, poker could be a distraction that keeps you from achieving in school -- and as long as dad's paying for that, I do think you have an obligation to give good effort and maximize his investment in your education. If poker is something that takes you away from studies you need to be working hard on, then it might be best to drop it. However, poker might just be something recreational for you...and we all have/had Fun-Time in college. For some people, fun time is drinking, smoking weed, picking up girls...for others it might be sports or music or fraternities...and for you it might be poker (as well as perhaps a combination of some of these other things). You have to decide if poker is a thing you can balance time-wise with your classes and studies. Your dad can't do that...if your dad told you you were not allowed to drink during college, I think most people here would laugh at the idea...and if he threatened to not pay for your education if he found out you drank, I think most of us would say "do what you want, it's your life, and your time in life to find out who you are," unless you had or developed a PROBLEM with alcohol that affected what you were at college to do. Poker is the same way.

As for the morality issue, yeah - it might be wrong in some sense to deceive your father. It also might be wrong of him to place this specific expectation on you. If you're good at it, poker could become a good source of income for you in addition to being an enjoyable thing for you to do (I remember when I used to enjoy poker, too). I guess, if you're all for doing it, I'd build my roll up to about 15k, cashout 10k, make straight A's, and come home in December showing him a 4.0 and a 5-figure bank account and say, "Dad, I've been playing poker...but my grades are still awesome and I'm building toward financial independence while I'm 18 and just starting school." At this point you'll have gotten his full attention and can explain to him the mathematical intricacies that make +EV strategy poker very different from what he's always thought of as "gambling." The other upside to doing this is that if he does flip out and say, "you broke the rules, I'm done paying for college," you can then say, "that's fine...I don't need you to."

Awesome either way then, really.

[Misfire]

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if you are being supported by your parents, I would follow their rules, and if those rules aren't acceptable to you, work on changing the situation rather than looking for ways around the rules.

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[puff8]

The fact that he is posting this question on a poker forum is a bit of a tell, don't you think?

[sng-sam]

snake:

Let me give you a parent's perspective. I've worked my ass off to put together a college fund for my son. I worked very long hours to gain my place in life. Now, all i want in life is to give my son the chance to have a head start in life. An education without the worry of having to pay for it or it's related expenses. Now on the eve of his entry into college, I realize he has an obsession with poker online gambling and such. How do you think this makes me feel?


As a parent we put a percentage of our income away for YEARS in anticipation of this proud day. the day we send our child to college. Be respectful of all of this.Now I realise that your Dad my not have needed to scrape it up slowly like me, due to his occupation, but dammit he's worked hard for that. If you did all that he did and then you became concerned that your son might piss it away what you w you do? Probably what he did. Ask you to make a commitment to your education.

Now I know and you know that poker can be an engaging hobby and a game of skill like chess. And if you could just show that to your Dad he might understand. It isn't quite gambling but it does have some of the elements of gambling, including the compulsion to play when we shouldn't with money we shouldn't.Are there college students who play TONS of poker successfully? Sure this forum is full of them. But I also read threads about pissing away exams so that they can compete in the latest e-penis measureing of how many tables you can multi, or doing 250 in a weekend etc. I think you could play poker on the weekends etc. I do believe you can accomplish the goal of respecting your father's sacrifices while also enjoying poker. Simply do this...play when you should... don't play when you shouldn't and work on your game. Quite frankly the last sentence is probably a good rule for you even if you do find yourself in a position to play poker for a living. Treat poker as a hobby at this stage in your life (as it should be) not a job. Also don't rub your dad's nose in it. Just be cool till you go to school and then be smart about when and where you play and for how much. I'm sure if you try you can still enjoy poker without being stupid.

As someone has already said, one of the beatiful things about college is the ability to do what youw want. With no one looking over your shoulder. It's a right of passage. But don't overdo it. And don't forget the people who put you in that position. The kid in the inner city flipping burgers the day on July 2nd would be sick to hear any bithcing about " My daddy won't let me play poker when I go to school for my college education"

Ok I've ranted long enough. Good Luck.

Straight Flushes,

SAM

[recondite7]

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He does if he wants his dad to keep paying for college. I would try to negotiate before I would try to deceive. Maybe there are some groundrules (limit amount and time) with a certain GPA. ...Though the fact that your dad is so concerned about you lifting weights is a bit disconcerting.


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By the description given, the dad seems like a control freak and won't budge on his position. Our young friend should use his poker deception skills and just tell his dad what he wants to hear. Four years from now he'll probably disagree with a lot of his fathers ideas after not having to live with him.

* I hope he is not living at home during this time because breaking away from his father will be very difficult.

[Melchiades]

You do not sound like a guy who has a problem with "poker addiction". Tell your dad whatever he wants ho hear, play poker in college if that is what you want.

[aujoz]

listen to sng-sam.

your dad is a major stakeholder in your life. he cares deeply about you. don't piss it away so that you can play poker.


your relationship with your father is far more important than your relationship with the poker table. it is definitely +ev to maintain your relationship with your father - far more +ev than you'll get from poker.

[elrudo]

Join the Army.