Staying friends with people while net worth / income diverges

[ardubz]

Good OP.

Agree that good friends should remain no matter what. If the more successful ones feel the need to move up and ditch the crew, then you probably don't want them around anyway.

In my personal experience, I can already make a pretty solid guess at which of my friends would do this if given the opportunity. At least it won't be a surprise if it ever happens.

[DING-DONG YO]

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If the more successful ones feel the need to move up and ditch the crew, then you probably don't want them around anyway.

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agree with this and would like to add that if the less successful (if we're defining success as material wealth) ones can't get past the fact that such and such makes more money then them, then you prob don't need them either.

I'm in that age range, make well over 100K and my 2 best friends are a firefighter and a drywall sales guy. Both friends from HS. It's not an issue for us, because I don't talk about money or act flashy and they don't assume I think I'm better than them and they have never developed a chip on their shoulder.

However, those 2 guys are the exception. I have grown apart from plenty of people over the years largely due to this income/success divergence or whatever you want to call it.

more successful people can remain friends but must take care not to be flashy or come across as snotty.

less successful people have to not develop a chip on their shoulder.

If both groups can do that, you can remain friends. If not, then oh well.

And FWIW, I generally don't care for people in my income brakcet because most of them are snots and are too concerned with "keeping up with Joneses". I game that cannot be won, so I choose not to play it.

EDIT to add: Consider as well that this divergence often has less to do material success than you may think. As you get older, you're likely in a different place in your life than many of your friends (you're married, they're single, etc.). And people mature at different rates as well. You may grow apart from old friends because you're "growing up" and they aren't. Or vice versa.

[ThaSaltCracka]

One thing that I do know, the amount of money my friends make won't deter me from being friends with them. The one thing that will deter me would be if my friend was a constant screwup. Success can be defined in many ways, but I think its important that your friends all be successful in some way. Friends don't neccessarily help you succeed, but they can certainly prevent you from succeeding.

[nyc999]

I have a group of friends from college (myself included) that have become moderately successful and make good incomes. We have some other friends from college that are aspiring artists, actors, etc. and are not making as much money.

I don't see this second group as much as I used to - we invite them to some outings (dinners, road trips, etc.), but their financial situation precludes them from participating. Despite not seeing them as often, I still consider them great friends.

[KurtSF]

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Surely your real friends should remain so no matter how much you are or are not earning.


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So you would think, eh.

I had this issue with one of my best friends. He's also one of my oldest friends, and we will always be friends. But somewhere in the last 10 years I've made life choices that make me poor and he's made life choices that make him rich. OK, not rich, not yet. He will be one day, but right now he's making about six figures and doing fine. Me? I have about $50 to $100 in discretionary funds every month, and those usually go to one night out drinking with the wife.

This actually became a real problem for us. We both wanted to hang out with each other, but couldn't ever actually do it. Everything he wanted to do was expensive (to me... nice restaurants, movies, car racing, etc.), and everything I wanted to do was boring (to him... cook a meal at home, talk, do nothing).

The last few years have been kinda rough as its pretty much impossible for him and I to be in the same place at the same time, despite the fact that we are best friends. We're getting better, but its still tricky.

$0.02

[ThaSaltCracka]

If you happen to be the rich friend, don't ever ask your poorer friends where their money is.

[Boris]

Basically anyone who asks this question is a massive tool.

[scott1]

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The last few years have been kinda rough as its pretty much impossible for him and I to be in the same place at the same time, despite the fact that we are best friends. We're getting better, but its still tricky.

$0.02

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This is illy. If you two are really best friends he should be just as happy picking up a 6 pack and hanging out at your place, or hitting the same type of bar you did when you were in college and both broke.

I'm in my early 30's. My high school friends all came from a similar middle class background but now run the range from successful business owner with seven figures in the bank to friends who have never managed to hold down a full time job. When we're back in town we pick up a could cases and hang out at someone's house, or hit the bar with $5 pitchers of Bud and no one complains. Things haven't changed a bit. None of my successful friends are dicks about it. They wouldn't suggest the steakhouse for dinner or high end bar for drinks even though that's standard for them with other friends.

If I'm out with friends that don't have a lot of money I'll buy a round at the bar. If I need another beer, I'll buy another round. I don't care if it evens up at then end of the night.

[El Diablo]

Rikki, kurt:

"I mean, the rich people want to do balla things and hang out with other rich people, it only makes sense."

"This actually became a real problem for us. We both wanted to hang out with each other, but couldn't ever actually do it. Everything he wanted to do was expensive"

I find that to be retarded. I have met a ton of people through sports and the bar/restaurant industry who have far less money than me. I have met a ton of people through business stuff who have way more money than me.

Some friends I often go to $100+ dinners with and spend $100+ on drinks when we get together. Other friends we get $10 dinners and drink at someone's house. Some people are going to $5,000 fundraiser dinners or celeb events that I pass on. All of this is totally standard and I think people who only hang out w/ people who have as much money as them are generally douches.

[z28dreams]

El D:

I don't think the problem is usually the actual cost of going out. Far more often, I believe it would be the low-income people having a chip on their shoulder.

Maybe I'm just a terribly jealous person, but seeing friends more successful than me REALLY bothers me.

I still see them and try to suck it up, but I'm terribly uncomfortable when talk about career comes up.