Why I deserve $5k from BBV (Long, Exactly 1000 Words)

[Diomed]

First and foremost 5k is a lot more then I have ever made working at McDonalds. Nobody every really wants to tip me when I clean up there sweat and sour sauce off the floor or when I hook their kids up with that special toy that Tommy doesn’t got yet. So it would be nice to have a little recognition. The last time I got any from anyone it was from the retarded kid that I had to help take out the trash with. But anyways I’d like to be able to play a good game a cards with a decent roll because I haven’t had one of those in a very long time. It’s hard making bank when your making double cheeseburgers for six hundred pound gorillas and there six obese babies.
I think 5k is also the perfect amount for me because I can cashout a little (who am I kidding, you all know’ll I play some 25/50 NL) to maybe get a new pair of sneakers or possibly even a hand job from my mom’s best friend that works on the corner of the ghetto that I live in. I’d like to get involved in sit n go’s because all of the great players of our generation have donked it up there. Who are these great players? Hell if I know. Actually I retract that statement I’d love to be able to just sit down with Phil Ivey for one session or Gus Hansen and tell my future welfare kids that I sat down with one of the greatest and lost it all. Maybe a quick game of razz.
Another reason why I think I qualify is that I know for a fact that the good people of BBV and BBV4LIFE will probably hook a pour white boy up I mean come on did you see what Barry Greinstein got for those retarded kids for saying “lol donkaments”. You guys are the greatest people on the internetz. (Diomed3000 on FullTilt)
I’m tired of working; I’d like to chase the American Dream of sucking on the tite of something good and giving back to the community. I’d even be willing to start one of those “I need to stake someone now threads” Who knows maybe I can get someone to completely destroy the smallest stakes on FullTilt and then I can pay the toll money to get two and fro on the highway. I want to learn NL, so what better time then now to get a nice chunk of change. You all will teach me the right way to play I mean come on you are BBV, you know how this [censored] goes. You’re all balla. I’ve also learned to instant fold AQ, that [censored] gets you stacked more then anything.
I’m tired of playing “Stacked” on my XBOX, I think deserve the luxury of maybe playing real poker for once in my life, the artificial intelligence is way to good for me, but I know that really players cannot be that good in real life. Am I right? I mean I know that is how you guys make the monies but DN is just awesome.
5K is also the exact amount that I owe my landlord, ok my mom, so that she doesn’t kick me and my 3 illegitimate children out of the house. I don’t care if the bitch never gets any of it but I think it is only fair that I tell her that my life roll = 0 but my poker bankroll is 5k+. She will love that. Maybe if she showed me more love when I was growing up then I would have inspired to be something bigger then a mcdonalds burger flipper, ok we don’t actually flip burgers we nuke them, that maybe I could have been a , I don’t know, a janitor or a splooge cleaner upper in the adult bookstore down the street. But here I am, sitting at my computer, using Microsoft Word 2003, in my “The Simpsons” underwear that my grandma gave my kid three years ago, just dreaming of something better for myself.
There is a big world out there and I intend to stake my claim to it and I hope in doing so this earns me the 5k that I feel I rightfully deserve. I know you all are stellar people in this community and want the best for the fellow BBVr’s. So I am asking you to help a white boy out, I deserve it. Also another interesting fact is that I am using a dial up modem at the local library and they are about to kick me out because well I’m not wearing any pants. My kids are here, they need to get off the computer as well, my mom only has dial up. That bitch of a woman, she says fast internet is for suckers. Well no she is the sucker especially when she finds out that people actually talk to each other on the internets and sometimes if they are really generous they send each others monies so that they can live a meaningful life or play some 25/50NL for the fun of entertaining the rest of the world.
I think I have validly stated my points on why I am a deserving candidate, there are people that need it far more I am sure but I don’t care about them I am in it for myself and for the benefit of BBV. I cannot almost guarantee that whoever I play will be scared to death of my wrath because they know that with the power behind me I will never be able to lose and I will become the next Grimstarr and I can safely guarantee that if you give me 5k to play with that I will be able to safely post my blinds at least 3 times and steal some money from others. I’m that good.
For your consideration. Thank you, Love Diomed