Some Stuff About PUA (very long)

[Georgia Avenue]

The path to wisdom leads to the palace of excess yet again. Let us get bucknaked and [censored]?/????

[Anacardo]

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The path to wisdom leads to the palace of excess yet again. Let us get bucknaked and [censored]?/????

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Dude are you coming onto me [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[Big Poppa Smurf]

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The path to wisdom leads to the palace of excess yet again. Let us get bucknaked and [censored]?/????

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Dude are you coming onto me [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

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He's saving that for after the date, silly. ZING!

[Anacardo]

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The path to wisdom leads to the palace of excess yet again. Let us get bucknaked and [censored]?/????

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Dude are you coming onto me [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

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He's saving that for after the date, silly. ZING!

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I don't go out with arrogant pigs like this. I want a nice, sweet, tongue-tied nerd, and if he looks like the Comic Book Guy, so much the better!

[nath]

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The path to wisdom leads to the palace of excess yet again. Let us get bucknaked and [censored]?/????

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I think you have it backwards. Then again, who really knows which is the path and which is the palace?

[Georgia Avenue]

DOOD I KNOW. Like, wow. Who's ready for a Frosty?

[NajdorfDefense]

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The key here lies in this paragraph:

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-Is there any merit to virtue from a position of weakness? My great difficulty with women at the moment is the problem of meeting one who a) I'm really attracted to and b) is available. As it stands, then, my sexual options are dependent on trying to get with girls that I'm not particularly into. .... and I generally find it very difficult to approach strangers who are not obviously inviting. ...Is there ever any actual merit in that?

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There are hundreds of available women whom you probably come into contact with on a daily basis. ....or use "kino"

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Yeah, god forbid you have the self-confidence to touch a woman that is interested in you both physically and/or emotionally and/or intellectually.
Besides, if you've totally misjudged, they will pull back and be even more obvious about their disinterest.
{Junt, I agreed with the rest of what you wrote.}

Here's a clue for some:
Women like to be touched by guys they are interested in,
Women like interesting guys to come up and talk to them,
Women like guys who can stand out from the crowd and are self-confident,
Women like men who act like men and can take charge,
Women like to have sex as much as if not more so than guys, particularly once they hit 30,

Women aren't going to magically fall in love with you if you can't bring yourself to even speak to them, or your only conversation skills are discussing Poker, Wii, GTA/GT, 'Where'd you go to school/Major, where are you from/live, where do you work/which firm?'

[Anacardo]

Dude I have sick convo skills, you have no idea. All I need is a primer. Give me one excuse to like you, lady, anything. Catch my eye and make yourself seem worth talking to for the love. Of. God.

I just don't meet / get interested in people that quickly in this, my post-collegiate era. Once it was a function of being broke as [censored]. Then it was a function of being depressed and crazy. Then it was a function of being broke as [censored] again. That's all over, now, so once I get back to Georgia next month I have no further excuses. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Like, f'rinstance. In the last year or so I've met about a half-dozen girls that struck me as promising prospects. One was a delightful minor trainwreck. The others turned out to be in LTRs. This does not count a drunken one-night stand and turning down another drunken one-night stand. I need to figure out a pipeline for broads, but that's a relatively simple problem that I don't need OOT's help with. But don't assume I can't talk. I talk the [censored] out of people. It's just that most women, and most people in general, are terrible bores.

[NajdorfDefense]

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I just don't meet / get interested in people that quickly in this, my post-collegiate era.

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Anacardo problem, not anyone else's.
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Once it was a function of being broke as [censored].

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95% of women will be just as interested in you, and you don't want the other 5%.
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Then it was a function of being depressed and crazy.

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Sounds like you *weren't* a good conversationalist or anything else.

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That's all over, now, so once I get back to Georgia next month I have no further excuses. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]


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You NEVER had an excuse, you just make them up to make yourself feel better.

'That girl only likes rich guys.'
'That girl only talks to guys in fancy clothes, jewelry, older guys, etc'
'That girl is taken'
'That girl only likes bodybuilders...handsome guys...she's a star-[censored]'

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In the last year or so I've met about a half-dozen girls that struck me as promising prospects.

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In 12 months in and around a college campus you've met 6. In 365 days. Six. Are you leveling?

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I talk the [censored] out of people. It's just that most women, and most people in general, are terrible bores.

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I think most psychologists would call that projection.

Don't get me wrong, some women are boring, but far less than 50%. And according to some of the replies to your OP, you're in fact, not a fantastic conversationalist, and come across as more than a bit odd.

[NajdorfDefense]

Anacardo, read the Red Queen, Sperm Wars, and a few NLP books, and you'll get 75-95% of the good stuff you need to learn and avoid basically all the bad. You'll understand much better the principles, evolution, and behavior mechanisms that govern male-female relationships [and same sex ones as well], and with some introspection, be able to apply it to your own life.

Any relationship is just two people eliciting responses from each other. If you want a change in response, you must change your behavior. This will change the meaning for the other person and the spell will be broken. Most of us have/had relationships where we think, 'If the other person only did XYZ, everything would be fine!' Can't we all think of at least one like that?

What do you think it is about their behavior that is the problem? Label your and the other person's behavior. At what level are you threatened by them? Do you feel they are aggressive, angry, whiny, entitled, irritated? Does this impact your sense of self? You have to change your state of mind to escape this.

How do you think your relationship looks to the other person? How do they feel about it?

How would a third party evaluate the relationship, as if you were on stage?

Shift your question from "How can I change their behavior?" to 'How am *I* reinforcing or triggering that person's behavior?' How else can you respond? What prompts you to continue making the same mistakes in a relationship?

When you communicate, you are seeking to influence another person, you have an outcome in mind. Decide what you want, because everything we do has a reason behind it, human behavior is not random, but purposeful.
Set a specific outcome you want to occur, not a general goal, but something you can do that you will know/feel/see/hear when you have it.

Outcomes are what you create. If you don't set outcomes, you are letting chance and other people determine your fate and what you get out of life. Some people don't set outcomes because they are afraid of making a mistake, taking risk, losing their 'freedom' or 'wasting time' [note how all 4 are excuses lame guys make for not talking to women] These reactions are human, but all too self-limiting. Pursue an outcome, but give yourself permission to change with add'tl feedback from the world around you.

Asking yourself, 'What's my problem?' focuses on the wrong in your present state. Instead ask, 'Why do I have this problem?' and "How does it limit me?" Think of outcomes as expressed positively, not in the negative - Get in shape vs I eat too much/I'm fat, etc.

If your desired outcome is realistic, and congruent with your sense of self and identity, you can act immediately towards improving your life in whatever fashion you choose.

This is all basic NLP stuff as written by dozens before me, but it's life-changing.