The Missing Trip Report

[grando]

So we're still trying to get the hell out of the Venetian. God this place smells like ass - the perfume smell makes no sense to me whatsoever. We seriously take about 15 minutes more just to find an exit....then BAM we find daylight! Well it's nightlight, but you get the idea. We see the gondola ride, and I laugh to myself about not going on it like I promised. I'm such a douchebag. But I need a drink. And some gambling.

So we walk backwards to Casino Royale obviously! A little more of this ambrosia known as BLACKJACK SWITCH!!!! Seriously, if you haven't played this game in vegas gogogogo! It's so much fun.....except for the pushing on 22 obviously. Which happens repeatedly and thoroughly. Especially thoroughly. It's my second favourite game in Vegas though, behind Texas Hold 'em Bonus. Anyways, after winning like 50 bones we take off to look for some poker. The g/f is in a good mood from the paper tossing (maybe she'll toss my salad later!), and these dollar margaritas make her even more so. I wanna play a high LOLimit game, but she wants to play 2/4....where the [censored] do we go?

So we go back to the V and of course they don't have 2/4 (like I said obviously), Wynn doesn't (do they even have $1 chips there?!?) - so we cross the street for some reason. Oh yeah TI - no high limit for me there. HYAHACHaCHAHCACH so we keep on walking....OMG SLOTS 'O FUN! I hate slots, but love fun! I am indifferent to Irish people.

So we go in - I didn't realize that Reno was actually inside Vegas?!? I mean this place was sketchy - dirty and disgusting and a bunch of slot degenerates. Sign me up!!! We mmediately get a yard each - I get rye (whiskey) and coke, she gets a long island iced tea. We taste each other's, and of course hers has 3x the alcohol in it. Shocker. You'd think this would serve me well for later. You'd think....anyways for now I wanna get my game on! What should I play...blackjack? Video poker? The? Well obviously I sit at some random slot machine. Toss in $40 bucks. BAM gone in 5 minutes. Wow that was fun. Here have 40 more dollars. "Thank you grando" the machine says as I discreetly kick it. By 'discreetly' I mean kick it so loud that everyone around hears it. My tantrum (and subsequent "don't do that....take a sweater....I don't think that's a good idea....mmmmmmmm" from the g/f) garners looks from the other degens, but the workers barely flinch. I presume that, unless someone's actually doing lines off the machine, they don't give a [censored]. And even then they'd only ask for a rip. Then steal my wallet. And stab me for fun.

Anyways I've had my fix of AIDS for the trip, so we get ready to leave. Of course the g/f wins money. She's the hugest luckbox in the history of the world. She runs better than aba. But wait! MONOPOLY SLOTS!??!? Wow they took the best part of Monopoly - the gambling part - and incorporated it into the best part of slots - the losing part! 'Please put bills in slot' it says....of course a "that's what she said" comes out of my mouth. Brilliant! The g/f doesn't laugh. Beat.

So I toss some cashish in the machine and try to figure it out. I don't know what it is about slot machines, but they bug the [censored] out of me. I don't know which direction the lines go, so half the time I'm like YES but I don't get paid off. I'VE GOT MAX LINES HOW IS THAT NOT A LINE?!? Ugh. So anyways the point of this game, from my perspective, is to get 3 of these Monopoly icons so you can play the bonus game and roll dice and collect money going all the way around the board landing on properties. Anything else is a failure.

So I endure 60 dollars worth of losses (at a nickel machine nonetheless) before KABLAMMO BONUS ROUND SHIP IT!!! [strategy]Obviously you want to roll low numbers so you get to land on more properties and collect more money[/strategy]. So of course the first number is an 11 - wow thanks States Avenue. Or is it St. Charles. Whatever. Next a 10. Well this isn't very effective. 8 is next. [censored] so I've rolled 3 times and collected like 125 nickels. This 6 bucks was well worth the -60 already. Then of course I roll an 11 to land on Go. WTF NO BOARDWALK AND I'M ALREADY DONE.

But wait!?! If you land on Go you get to go around again! I just hit my backdoor 1 outer! So of course I rape this game coming back with all low numbers and spike Boardwalk!!! I'm freaking out cause this is thousands of credits in total! CASH OUT CASH OUT. So about 100 of these dirty nickels come out (of course they don't have tickets there yet - I'm surprised it's not a 'pick a number' or 'rock paper scissors' casino) and the machine runs out. Like come on I just wanna get out of here. So seriously 20 minutes later they finally fill it up with nickels again. They won't just give me the cash value of the nickels in bill-form obviously. So I have to scoop all these dirty nickels into these bins and cash them in. Ching ching ching $$$$$ - WTF only $140??!! All that work for breaking even at this place?!? At least I have money for my Hep C shot. Time to get the hell out of here - after I take 15 wet naps. Next up, breaking up a fight on the Strip.

[SkinnyLittleTwig]

maybe i should finally read some of this trip report, i heard it's good??

[Shadowrun]

let down

[moris]

You're off my [censored] list.

[Triumph36]

A - would be better if written right after trip ldo, but i'll take it.

btw it's about style over content, haters

[chiznadAZ]

[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] grando

[barryc83]

[ QUOTE ]
"Thank you grando" the machine says as I discreetly kick it. By 'discreetly' I mean kick it so loud that everyone around hears it. My tantrum (and subsequent "don't do that....take a sweater....I don't think that's a good idea....mmmmmmmm" from the g/f) garners looks from the other degens, but the workers barely flinch. I presume that, unless someone's actually doing lines off the machine, they don't give a [censored]. And even then they'd only ask for a rip. Then steal my wallet. And stab me for fun.



[/ QUOTE ]

I just read this entire TR and I have to say its def worth a read, esp if you're at work. The quoted part above is the funniest part of the whole thing IMO.

Do you still date this chick? She sounds like a real bitch honestly.

[Georgia Avenue]

Just start a new account named Godot finally.

The best part about these trip reports is the way they actually do mirror a vegas or any gambling bender...starts out fun and fast, then slowly things drift apart, then suddenly you're stuck in nowhere, no time, no identity, just random bursts of consciousness and then BOOF back into the hole.

[skunkworks]

Yay for 2+2 Grando!

[Yeti]

grando,

i have waited what seems like forever to hear how this story ends in spectacular fashion. so start writing more about your girl and the dramabomb, not some tale of you playing nickel slots.

thank you!