Pregnant GF

[iron81]

OP, have you tried making the case why she shouldn't have the kid? Talk to her about how miserable she will be waking up at all hours to feed it. Say that she will have trouble making ends meet for years. Without threatening her, say that you two might not be together for ever and that you won't necessarily be around to help raise the kid. Spend an hour thinking of the problems with this, write them down and talk to her about it.

[danlux]

You still have plenty of options. Like someone else asked, why did you drop out of school? If you don't have much left, take out a loan, go and finish, and get any kind of job with benefits and decent pay. You can still play poker for side income.

There's also nothing wrong with finding whatever work you can for the time being. You'll feel better about yourself for actually being productive.

I find it funny how so many people in our generation think they control everything that happens in our lives. Most of the important things that happen to you in life are things you have no control over. The measure of a man is how he responds to the events he has no choice over.

I suspect deep down you know what to do. Like someone else said, there is no reason having a child means you can't be succesful. It could have the exact opposite affect of what you think, it will give you something that you will want to provide for and take care of in the best possible way.

[jackdaniels]

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OP, have you tried making the case why she shouldn't have the kid? Talk to her about how miserable she will be waking up at all hours to feed it. Say that she will have trouble making ends meet for years. Without threatening her, say that you two might not be together for ever and that you won't necessarily be around to help raise the kid. Spend an hour thinking of the problems with this, write them down and talk to her about it.

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This is excellent advice, especially the part where you sit down and write things down so you have all the points you want to make neatly organized. You will likely have only one chance at this, so be prepared for the convo and do your homework in advance.

Now the only thing left to say is good luck!

[TheDudeAbides]

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OP, have you tried making the case why she shouldn't have the kid? Talk to her about how miserable she will be waking up at all hours to feed it. Say that she will have trouble making ends meet for years. Without threatening her, say that you two might not be together for ever and that you won't necessarily be around to help raise the kid. Spend an hour thinking of the problems with this, write them down and talk to her about it.

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Solid advice. And bring it closer to home for her. For the next few nights - wake her up every hour by shrieking loudly and tell her this is what she can expect. Tell her that the authorities could get involved (i.e. child endangerment) if she continues smoking teh herb while pregnant and once she gives birth. List some things you know she loves to do (i.e. partying) and tell her that will never happen again once the baby is born. I'd even go as far as to find studies/pictures of children born with deformities due to mothers smoking while pregnant. I hate to suggest this, but I really empathize with the OP here, and sometimes threats (whether idle or not) work the best.

[2OuterJitsu]

Didn't read the responses. All the use of "we" in my mind makes you a great Dad already. Death is the only "0" chance. Start making your plan of action to have this baby and get out of your dead end town. Either way your kid won't care, s/he's got an awsome Dad. Man up, you're already on the path.

[By-Tor]

do the right thing. you are only 1/3 of the equation.

[sam h]

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You don't have a choice though. You're going to have a kid.

You can either be a douchebag & raise a douchebag, or you can un-[censored] yourself and raise a proper human being. And maybe even be one yourself.


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Not sure if you've been following the whole thread...I've calmed down a bit since the OP (getting my thoughts out has been therapeutic - so thanks to all who have contributed)

I think more of my fear came from the fact that I thought I was being unwillingly committed to stay with the GF, and in turn in this town (i doubt she'll ever leave her family once this happens). As my thoughts cleared more, I realized I can still care for the child and improve my own life simultaneously... Though my relationship with the child will likely be long-distance...

The situation is looking like much less of a "stay or leave" scenario, so I've made progress.

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Its definitely not an easy topic to discuss, but I think you need to let your GF know the score on this count. Its ultimately her choice about the baby, but she should know that having the kid doesnt necessarily mean marrying you and settling down with you in this town.

For sure, if she has the kid you have a responsibility to be a good father. But you don't necessarily have a responsibility to marry her or stay in this town. And when she makes the decision to have the kid, it should be knowing that there is a reasonable chance she will be raising a kid with separated parents, for all that entails both for her and for the kid.

What do you think the chance is that she screwed with the birth control intentionally? Honestly, if she was taking the pill in the right way it is really hard to get knocked up.

[VoraciousReader]

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What I don't accept is the notion that this is somehow the mans responsibility.

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[yawn]

I'm certainly not the first to say this in the thread, but I'll reiterate for you. Sex is not a right, it is a responsibility. If a man is not ready for the responsibility (however remote) of being a father, perhaps he should exercise some self-control. I don't accept the notion that it is somehow NOT the man's responsibility, just because he is not biologically capable of carrying the baby himself.

[Tom Ames]

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Glad you asked. Here goes: you have definitely decided what you want to do. In fact, you decided before you were even faced with the actual event. You came here with your post for support of that decision and possibly some advice about how to convince your GF that you are right.

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I'm not exactly defending OP here, but a lot of what you said is BS. OP never indicated he came to OOT for support or approval.

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Of course he didn't say that. He asked for opinions/advice and I gave mine--perhaps I should have labeled it as such. Why do you think he came here with this? He's looking for an easy exit (again, MHO). If you found yourself in a critical life-choice situation, would you go to OOT for advice--and then follow it? But to OP's credit, he did seek assistance somewhere, and it may have provided him with some ideas for options that he had not yet considered. But, IMHO he had already decided that he was never going to accept more than the minimal, required amount of responsibility.

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IMHO at this point, this is 95% your GF's decision as she is the one who will have to live with the consequences of the decision, whatever it is. (But, as you said, that is subject for a different thread.) I think her family realizes this even if she does not.

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He has to live with the consequences just as much as the girl.

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Hardly. If they decide to abort, the girl will be the one to endure whatever consequences (feelings of guilt, distancing from relatives, etc) there are from that decision 1000X more than the OP.

If they decide to have the child, the girl will be affected infinitely more than OP as she will be the one raising it and providing the bulk of support (financial, emotional, shelter, day-to-day care, etc) even if the OP decides to kick in some child support. I can easily foresee the OP rationalizing that he shouldn't have to pay child support since the GF broke her promise to have an abortion if she became pregnant (again, IMHO). Even if the OP pays child support, I can assure you it won't cover half the cost of rasing the child. I'm assuming the OP will bail if no abortion is forthcoming. Even if he stays, this situation has likely put a rift in their relationship that will never be healed.

[bluey]

lol oh [censored]