What will make you happy?

[mugatu668]

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I think for me, the only way I'll ever find true and total happiness is to find peace with the fact that someday I will die. No matter how great my life has been up to this point there is always the fact in the back of my mind that none of it really matters cuz at some point I will cease to exist, and that unsettles me so much that I cant be truly content with anything I have or where Im at.

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Strange. My mortality is what makes me content in life. No one wants to die, but each of us will face it. I will probably meet it 20 or so years before most here. Sometimes at night I think about it and it makes me melancholy. The thing that makes me the saddest is knowing that my kids will one day die as well. I hope that both of my daughters get to experience everything in life that their hearts desire (within reason of course). If I can set them on that path then I will be content.

I guess my words of wisdom would be to enjoy life and strive to confront death with the fact that you have lived a life worth living.

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Sorry if I seem stalker-ish but I love every post of yours that I see.

[DMC0627]

Agreed, amazing thread. I am in the other 5%, I am a middle aged woman. I have to say at this point in my life, I consider myself happy. There are a few things I have realized to get me here.

1) I don't get hung up about the opinions of others, or criticism about how I live my life.

If someone doesn't like or approve of me, I really don't care. I see so many people who make happiness contingent on what others think of them. So basically, its if I only lose 20lbs, if I had a nicer car, better job, etc. etc. Since I stopped worrying about this kind of stuff, I am much more secure.

2) I am more detached from outcomes of things now than when I was younger.

I see so many of my friends get so into outcomes they don't enjoy the moment. For example, one of my friends looking to meet someone to settle down with. She rarely "enjoys" a date. Its more like an interview for a future spouse. If he meets requirements, she anxiously anticipates a call from him. If he doesn't call, she is devastated. Why not just enjoy the date, and see where it goes? Gotta live in the moment.

I am divorced, no children, but I don't feel I am missing out in any way. I am pretty content with myself, my friends and family. I enjoy doing things alone as much as I do with others, so if I want to go to dinner or a movie, I have no problem going myself if friends aren't able to join. I have just learned that if I can be happy by/with myself, and not make my happiness contingent on others, I am way ahead of the game.

I also had a serious accident and was in a coma for 4 days a few years back. I momentarily "died" and came back. The appreciation for life and all the little things it offers changed dramatically for me after that. Little things like my dog wagging his tail, a kid smiling at me, someone holding a door, they make me happy.

[kyleb]

I thought that running my own business would make me happy. It doesn't.

I thought that losing a ton of weight would make me happy. It didn't, at least not permanently.

I thought that moving out of Cleveland would make me happy. It didn't over the long-run.

I thought a lot of things would make me happy, but none of them did. So why would I have any idea what would make me happy now? I think a lot of posters in this thread believe they know what would make them happy, but they are mostly wrong.

You can never know what will make you truly happy. Let's stop focusing on that and start focusing on achieving something in life.

[kyleb]

Sorry if that what it sounded like - in fact, I wanted it to be more uplifting. Focusing on what will make you happy may only serve to disappoint you when you achieve the ultimate goal you lay out for yourself and find out that's not what does it for you.

[JennFox]

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I will say that my question was never 'can you be happy if you are single?' I don't doubt you can, kinda. It was more 'if you are single, will you ever be as happy as you could be?'

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hey yeti- whats up [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

so.. my 2cents: i think its not a question of being single, so much as it is a question of being alone. and not in the sense of "i have no one to hang out with" or not having "buddies". i think there is a universal urge to reach out to people on deeper levels but there is too much garbage in the way. there is a level of depth in each of ourselves that we don't share with every person we know, maybe not even people we consider close friends. i guess im saying i dont think its a gender related thing so much as a desire for closeness to another human being. to find a person trustworthy and loyal who understands you is beyond measure. girl or guy. someone you can turn to at your peak of happiness and see that they're right there with you is an indescribable feeling.

the dilemma here, obviously, is that its tough to find these people. maybe some of you will have a tight group of friends who will stay in the same place your whole lives and they accept you for who you are. poker players who travel the circuit i imagine could get pretty close. maybe that is enough if you find the right friend(s). but its so unlikely that someone will be close to you the rest of your life other than a spouse. i know myself, i know i am happier sharing my life than being single. maybe that makes me a lame typical girl, but i feel like it has more to do with my personal idea of happiness. you don't have to marry a girl to have her with you in your life, though.

thats all. wanted to add another chic's pov..

[Ship Ship McGipp]

I am happy all the time.

Everyday I wake up is better than the one before, so in effect, everyday is the best day of my life.

That sounds awfully corny, but it's true on so many levels. Money is probably the center of my life now- I don't know if it was by design or not, but at one point I decided to get really good at poker, and for the most part, it has worked out. Some days I'll lose five figures and be like "[censored], I just lost a car," but I always remember to look at the big picture. I'll simply think of my health, my family, etc. and I'm instantly pleased.

Setting goals in life (monetary achievements, weight loss, a level of knowledge or competency) can make you happy in the short term, but even someone who has grown their finger nails out for ten years to set a world record won't be entirely happy when they achieve it (aside from the fact they may one day realize "what a dumb ass thing to do."). "Eternal" happiness, if there is such a thing, should probably be achieved by being content about one's place in the world.

Of course there is a lifelong goal of marriage and reproduction, but it's very easy to be content with dating and hanging out with girls since I'm 20- I'm positive that I won't 'worry' about finding the right girl until I'm in my mid to late 20s, maybe even 30s. Even then it will be much more of making it a "priority" than spending my waking moments worrying.

Life's short yo.

[spyderracing]

Moving somewhere where I can just have an awesome time with nature (skiing 180 days a year wouldn't be bad, throw in some hiking/rock climbing in the summer) would make me happy. Of course I'd need some cool people to share it with, and I wouldn't really like to carry any financial worries. Maybe someday; I'm still young.