Ask me about breaking my engagement (and why maybe you should too)

[skunkworks]

If I had the clarity of mind to make the right decisions based on what at the time were obvious observations, I would have saved myself a lot of time and heartache. Emotions cloud judgment, and being in a relationship can give you a real warped, myopic sense of what should be obviously right.

Moral: You've got to live and learn.

[gumpzilla]

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The thing about the tone is, I feel and totally understand the relief. Like, OP was about to make a big decision for THE REST OF HIS LIFE. And he realized in time that the decision wasn't right for him, no matter how "sensible" it was.

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One can simultaneously agree with this and also think that the situation was handled poorly. The decision can be correct and still be hurtful, and I think some measure of guilt for not speaking up sooner (this wasn't a case where the relationship faded, from the sounds of this thread, it was mediocre out of the gate) is probably warranted. (EDIT: Which is obviously why I think the tone is significant. [censored] happens, but recognizing one's own douchiness in such situations is usually a sign of quality in my opinion.)

[Anacardo]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


That's all I got to say. Bitches. Yeah maybe I've had a few draft ciders. Wanna fight about it?

[jtr]

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Wanna fight about it?

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Yeah, OK. Knife or bat?

[otnemem]

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One can simultaneously agree with this and also think that the situation was handled poorly. The decision can be correct and still be hurtful, and I think some measure of guilt for not speaking up sooner (this wasn't a case where the relationship faded, from the sounds of this thread, it was mediocre out of the gate) is probably warranted. (EDIT: Which is obviously why I think the tone is significant. [censored] happens, but recognizing one's own douchiness in such situations is usually a sign of quality in my opinion.)

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I wasn't going to bump this, but since it was anyway...

The reason my tone probably comes across poorly given the gravity of the situation is because I already went through the stages of grief, guilt, etc. Going through the break-up itself was ridiculously hard, and I feel terrible about making all these horrible decisions and causing immense pain for her. But now, a few weeks out, I don't think of it as much.

Breaking up a long-term relationship is hard, whether you're doing the dumping or being dumped. For two weeks, I was so confused and depressed (before the break-up). Every two hours I'd change my mind. When once it was, "Of course I have to break up with her," next it was, "But imagine the pain it's going to cause, and having to admit that you severely [censored] up the last two years for her and for you."

Everything came really suddenly for her. For me, not so much. I had the time before breaking up to consider the sadness it would cause her. So I'd really disconnected myself from it about a week before ending it.

Ok, I'm just rambling. The point was that I went through a period of intense guilt, and I still feel guilty for making the bad decisions that caused this end result. But at this point, I've pushed it away so I can get on with my life. That might make me an insensitive, callous prick, but I'm not going to lie about how I feel.

[Anacardo]

Nah, dude. Natural, easy to understand. I dunno who gets to play the Judgment Fairy over something like this anyway.

[diddyeinstein]

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I'm starting to think that this is all marriage is. Finding someone that you don't hate to be around too much. Any thoughts from the married OOTers?

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I'd change this to:

Find someone you can't imagine not being around for the rest of your life.

Married 23 years.

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I see this but are there not days where you just want to be left the [censored] alone?

[entertainme]

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I see this but are there not days where you just want to be left the [censored] alone?

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Of course. This is one of those compatibility things. It's very possible one of you will need more alone time than the other. Can you be happy accommodating each others needs?