Why should I wish to live?

[Borodog]

Anacardo,

First, you and I are very much alike (my apologies if you find this insulting). Except that you seem to be like me to the nth power. This probably doesn't make any difference to you, but your OP was very familiar reading to me, in theme, if not intensity of feeling.

Second, you should want to live because you are genetically built to. You are the descendent of a 3 or 4 billion year long unbroken chain of survivors, every one of whom lived at least long enough to reproduce.

Clearly, you are defective. However, you obviously have a conundrum. The particular fashion of your defect makes you apathetic about taking any steps toward resolution.

All I can say is that it would certainly be a shame if the Answers were all to be Revealed this coming Thursday, but you had checked out on Tuesday. How embarrassing.

Good luck resolving your conundrum.

[PokerAmateur4]

I think that every single person's end goal is happiness, and that's yours too. You don't want truth over happiness, you want happiness and truth is how you feel you can achieve it.

Now on to maximizing your happiness:

I like where Cbloom and leehrat are going. Just find ways to do things you enjoy. Start with a scheduler where you write down A) stuff you enjoy doing as well as B) things that will allow you to do things you would enjoy which are out of your reach mentally, physically, economically, whatever.

A) For exmaple at 2pm tommorow you will read a book on philosophy.

B) At 4pm you will go to the gym, for the next 12 weeks, and will hit on at least 30 girls that night.

[Stuey]

Yo cardo I was making a post for the lounge exactly the opposite of your OP last night. It was about my crazy dreams and how I never achieve them before I find a different one to chase. It was long and would have been boring to everyone but for me and the bloody server reset in the middle of the night which made me lose it all so I never did post it. I am going to talk about it here instead because I like you and it might be relevant.

I get inspired often I get ahaa! moments often but when I review my thought I really have not figured anything out I just thought I did. Oddly this is enough as the feeling is so good it does not even matter. And I am off searching for another ahaa. I am sure that made no sense so I will give some examples.

I watched "Alone in the Wilderness" and I was really inspired. I wanted to live life the way he did but I know it is unlikely I will be brave enough to do it. So instead of feeling bad about my "failure" I dream up ways to fake it and it works for me.

I bought a bow and I am learning to bowhunt. I need a shed so I plan to cut some trees and make a tiny log cabin. I started teaching myself how to use hand tools to do woodworking. All these things were from the inspiration I got from this guy. He did thinks on a bigger scale but I am doing what I can. I will never be a very good hunter and my shed will fall down in a few years. This won't bother me as I got what I wanted from the process not the result.

I was listening to the radio and there was a 80 year old lady that was sailing half way around the world alone! She said she had never sailed before and just learned when she was 75ish just so she could do this trip. It was her dream. I was inspired. But really I am never going to do what she did.

But part of me wants to buy a sailboat and hit the local lake just in case it some day leads to me doing it. I hope I listen to that part. Even if I don't make it to the ocean just being alone on a lake might be as powerful to me as her experience was to her. They are much different but if the result is enough to please the participant then it is a success.

This happens to me often. I imagine the same thing happens to thebruiser as well. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] It is very exciting when you feel this way about so many silly things. We know they are silly we don't care we are lost in the joy they hold and it makes everything ok.

You are having trouble finding this. I don't even have to look it finds me. I want to let you in on how to do it but I don't know the secret. Instead I want to assure you that the things you think are holding you back are not really holding you back it must be something else.

I have lots of negatives in my life actually I am not even sure that is true but people actually tell me I do. It just it makes them sick to see me happy and they tell me reasons I should not be. I hope somewhere in all of this you see the key to things.

I have owned my own business for 18 years now. I started when I was 18. I am proud of it. It is a convenience store and even though I own it I am really just a over paid cashier. That is the main job I do. Many people despise that job and many tell me I am crazy to do it. "You own the place, why lower yourself..." ect. ect. I hate people that say that. They really don't get it. You are not higher or lower than things. There are not places for people.

I have bad days at work some are really bad I will not lie. The good days are not even that good. I am working with the public after all. lol So where is the good parts.

If I am 20 miles from my store everyone I meet knows me. This can be annoying at times but mostly it is great. If someone I knew years ago moves away they always stop to see me at my work if they pass by. They know I will be there. They might even say "I can't believe you was still here! Are you going to do this forever?". Is it an insult? I don't think so they came to see me they just don't get it. Yet they get something they like coming to see me they just don't know that is the reason I keep working there. So they can come see me, forever. I have seen kids grow up and get married and have kids of their own. I am in it even if most of the time it is no fun I am just glad to be part of it. It is life most of it is hard but the good parts are there you just have to notice them. And if you do they really become great.

The guy I bought this place from owned it for more than 25 years. I respected him, everyone liked him. He was humble he worked hard. You could count on him he was part of the town. He was not rich he was not better than other people he was just doing his thing.

I just want to be like him. I don't need to be better or even as good. I just want to do my thing for my time and let things take care of themselves. Along the way I get crazy ideas and try to live them out the best I can. It is enough for me. It was enough for him. Find what is enough for you and get it. Don't let others or your ego set standards that define failure. Do what you can I promise it will be enough.

Ok I reread that and yah I am nuts but I want to try and help you. That alone should be reason enough for you to wish to live. I care, lots of other people care about you man. That's something right?

[Anacardo]

Lee, I have been an athlete since my teens with few interruptions. I fence regularly now, though very soon I will be unable to pay for it.I have never been physically impressive, but I know plenty of guys who are no more so, or less so, who are doing fine, or better than fine. I know plenty of guys I would consider better looking than me, who are no more satisfied on this front.

Any time I mention this, or someone else does around here (to me it's a small slice of a big question; to others it's absolutely the crux of their lives) the advice largely consist of: do and be a lot of things you don't want to do and be.

Besides, if you really think love consists of: get out there, get ripped, drop a few lines, pick up some chick, [censored] her, make her come hard, good game, then LOL at you. Life is not the [censored] Ariane game, where you just mix it up some and make sure she's had exactly four drinks. If it is, then [censored] the world.

Finally, one might successfully argue that gettin' mixed up with strange wimmens is what put me here in the first place.

[PokerAmateur4]

[ QUOTE ]
Life is not the [censored] Ariane game, where you just mix it up some and make sure she's had exactly four drinks. If it is, then [censored] the world.

[/ QUOTE ]Hmm, even if it is, why [censored] the world? Is the game fun for you? If it is, shouldn't the real life one be too if you put some effort into it?

[Hoya]

As far as I can tell, you hate everything and everyone, and have no interest in changing anything because you don't think it will help. So what exactly do you want people to say? There is no magic answer that people who don't know your miserable ass can give you to make things better.

[By-Tor]

make a poll.

[fish2plus2]

Anacardo,

There are many people in this thread who agree that life is meaningless, but still find it enjoyable. I do not feel that you saying life is meaningless if the true source of your unhappiness. I think that there is something else buried underneath that, and you are using the meaningless of life as an excuse.

Also, I remember from talking to you before that you only lived in the USA all your life, why dont you try to move somewhere else? You dont think going to Japan or Egypt would be at all interesting? Dont whine about not having enough money, there are plenty of things you can do on the road to make money, and if you are as smart as you say you are, you can still make $10/hr playing poker.

You seem to have some opinions about how love works, but you dont mention having a girl friend or a wife. This whole thnig is starting to sound like you just need to get laid.

Last year, everytime I got un-depressed, I wrote down on a piece of paper what I felt caused me to get depressed/angry. Here are the answers:

gf on period, no sex today

big downswing

big downswing

gf on period, no sex

big downswing

big downswing

big downswing

However, like you I couldnt stop thinking about how pointless life was. How pointless poker was. I lost today. What is the point? What does it matter? I hate poker.

Do you see where this going? You are in a rut, and the only way out is by taking action.

I am guessing that you didnt have sex yesterday. So I will make a statement, "If you had sex yesterday, youd be less depressed today".

You cannot claim that my statement is false unless you go out and have sex.

I can make the same statement about going to see the Pyramids in Egypt.

The point is that you have to stop being a whinny little bitch, suck it up like the rest of us, who feel the same things you feel, and go on leading a productive life.

[fish2plus2]

"Finally, one might successfully argue that gettin' mixed up with strange wimmens is what put me here in the first place."

OK. Now we are finally getting somewhere. Can you expand on this?

[cjmewett]

I used to think I would loathe the RL KKF.

I used to think I would like the RL Anacardo.

This thread has made me reexamine a lot of what I used to think.

'Cardo, it's hard for anyone else to address the question of why you should keep on "participating." Your tone isn't that of a desperate man, but of a man who feels he's owed something by the world. You may not feel that the world owes you a living, or love, or wealth, but you do feel that the world owes you entertainment, or satisfaction, and if it doesn't damn well give it then you're gonna go ahead and show that world and just check on out.

Many people here understand depression, and perhaps even more understand desperation in love or money or career. Often they look outside themselves for answers, occasionally even on 2+2. But I've never seen anyone who had an answer for it all, who challenged the world to tell him why it was all worth his time and effort.

If you are certain that you can't gain satisfaction from anything, then there's not a person here or on this earth who will convince you otherwise. If you honestly believe that "truth is more important than happiness," then why is happiness the least bit important to you? Why should you need or want the remainder of your life to be "happy"?

If there's one thing that's categorically true, it's that life -- and man in particular -- strives to continue living. The fact that inertia has thus far delayed or prevented your suicide is evidence enough of this. So if you want truth, then keep on living; not because it makes you happy, but because it's what you do.