Jokes that push the envelope

[willie]

why does hellen keller masturbate with one hand?

<font color="white">she uses the other hand to moan </font>

Four nuns go to confession together.
The first nun goes in to speak to the priest
"Father i saw a man's penis"
"If you're sorry for what you viewed, go to the holy water- wash your eyes out and you'll be absolved of your sin sister."

The other 3 nuns watch her come out and wash her eyes with the holy water

The next nun goes in to the confession
"Father i touched a man's penis"
"If you're sorry for what you did sister, wash your hands in the holy water and you'll be absolved of your sin."

The other nuns watch her come out and wash her hands in the holy water.

The third nun gets up to go into confession and is grabbed from behind my the still waiting 4th nun.
"Why are you grabbing me?!"

"I'M GOING NEXT! If you think i'm going to wash my mouth out with the holy water after you stick your ass in there you're fking crazy!!"



not too edgy, but enjoyable

[morphball]

[ QUOTE ]
How do scientists know that Christa McCullough had dandruff?

<font color="white">
They found her head and shoulders on the beach.
</font>

[/ QUOTE ]

Q. What were Christa McCullough's last words to her family?





A. You feed the dog, I'll feed the fish.

[illeagle]

What was the point of women's liberation?

<font color="white">So the federal government wasn't limited to taxing 50% of the adult population and to break up the family so public schools could be used to indoctrinate the young.</font>

[chopstick]

A Catholic priest, a Boy Scout leader and a lawyer take some boys out on an adventure trip. On the flight over, there is engine trouble and the plane is about to go down.

"We have a problem", says the pilot. "There are only three parachutes!"

The Boy Scout leader suggests they give them to the boys.

"Screw the boys," shouts the lawyer.

"Is there time?" asks the priest.

----

Q: How does Jesus masturbate?

A: [Mime: place the palm of your hand over your groin, then move your hand away from and towards yourself, as if you were using the hole through your palm.]

[1-Lucky-SOB]

how do you get a catholic girl pregnant?

come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.


-1

[TBickle]

A Mexican and a black guy are in a car. Who's driving?

<font color="white">the cop. </font>

[Klompy]

[ QUOTE ]
how do you get a catholic girl pregnant?

come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.


-1

[/ QUOTE ]

Isn't this supposed to be an arab joke?

[illeagle]

How does Jesus bite his nails?
<font color="white">[make biting pantomime on wrist area] </font>

[fluorescenthippo]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
Getting her back in the wheelchair.

A girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car. He says sure, but only if she'll blow him. She reluctantly agrees and gets down on her knees. She unzips his fly and starts approaching him. As she approaches, she smells a terrible smell and says "Yuck, Dad, you smell like [censored]!" "Oh right!" her dad responds "Your brother already has the car!"

[/ QUOTE ]

haha, best of the thread so far imo...definitely funny, definitely on the border...

[/ QUOTE ]

haha i love it too. its told perfectly with the exclamation points and all.

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
Getting her back in the wheelchair.

A girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car. He says sure, but only if she'll blow him. She reluctantly agrees and gets down on her knees. She unzips his fly and starts approaching him. As she approaches, she smells a terrible smell and says "Yuck, Dad, you smell like [censored]!" "Oh right!" her dad responds "Your brother already has the car!"

[/ QUOTE ]

haha, best of the thread so far imo...definitely funny, definitely on the border...

[/ QUOTE ]

haha i love it too. its told perfectly with the exclamation points and all.

[/ QUOTE ]

instead of "Smell" its supposed to be "Taste"