Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?

[Edge34]

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I'll take "showing your age" for $1000, Alex.

While Felix has taken his fair share of pot shots, there's no need to be passive-aggressive, and in just these last few posts you have both made the following mistakes:

- somehow assuming that because there's more 18-24 YOs on this forum that it supports your case

- not realizing that Felix was himself once 22, so not only does he have that experience, he has 18 more years of success and failure on top of that

- variance...of course there's going to be 20 YOs who know more about getting laid than 40 YOs, but the number will be substantially smaller. E.g. women drivers suck more than men on average, but there's plenty of them who drive better than many men, given their huge sample size.

- I'd really like to hear how he is "jaded" to women. He merely told OP to stand up for himself - != to being jaded or a woman-hater!

- the fact that you (GASP) wanted to think about what the woman wanted too is irrelevant as it was laid out by the OP. OF COURSE we care what our SO wants in a healthy relationship. OP did not present such a scenario.

Finally - and here's a comment that while 100% true I'm sure you won't listen to based off of your responses in this thread thus far - EVERY SINGLE GUY I KNOW over the age of 30 just laughs about how much more pussy they could have pulled back in the day "if I only knew then what I know now". This has nothing to do with disrespect for women or rufis or anything, but everything to do with what to say, how to act, etc., based off of past failures.

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1) I was basically insulted, and at the very least dismissed without thought, due simply to my age. Apparently to Felix, that's a big enough issue that I'll play on his terms. If he wants to act like his being 40 and overweight and still able to pull "hot chicks" is something to brag about, I'll play along.

2) Of course Felix was once 22, but who's to say what he was like back then, and honestly, what has changed in the world in the 20 years since. Not like 1986 was probably that different, but different stuff flies these days than back then. Just the way it is.

3) Variance? Well, your example is kinda confusing, but like I said, I was dismissed by Felix due solely to my age and his referral to my being "on Oprah" doesn't much help HIS case now does it? Real good argument there, you don't agree with me? Call me gay (or close)!

4) I didn't call him a woman-hater. I merely think his perspective on this issue is one that I would expect of someone jaded toward relationships. Based solely on the content of his posts and his general attitude toward people like me.

5) I don't necessarily know that Felix does care what a significant other would want, since his responses to me in this thread have completely ignored any content and done things like the Oprah comment.

6) Of course, as you say, people over 30 will look back and realize how much they screwed things up. I don't think that was the issue either until Felix decided to diss me because I'm 22 and OF COURSE I couldn't possibly have any idea what I'm talking about, because I haven't built this off my own successes and failures, and those of my friends.

But now its late, I just got back from the bars with my friends, and after my entire 2 beers since 9:30 got pulled over for some bogus traffic violation the cop even admitted he couldn't actually write me a ticket for, I could use some sleep.

Cliffs notes for the "tl;dr" crowd: Felix thinks my opinion is useless because I'm 22 and thinks I should go on Oprah. I refute his baseless ideas and answer to a list of "mistakes", since I am apparently posting in a passive aggressive tone. Two schools of thought, mine and Felix's, both have had other posters voice support. Different means to similar ends.

[Ali shmali]

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Other people have said it here before, Felix reaks of insecurity and ignorance.

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He's listing his qualifications, which IIRC were merely responses to questions. Is he not allowed to respond if he's a middle-aged unmarried guy who has the money and confidence to bang hot chicks? I don't see what's so wrong with that.

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I don't know what this has to do with what I said. He can reply whether he's 5 or whether he is 55. If his responses reak of insecurity and ignorance, and the topic is of interest to me, I'm going to state that.

[Utah]

[ QUOTE ]
EVERY SINGLE GUY I KNOW over the age of 30 just laughs about how much more pussy they could have pulled back in the day "if I only knew then what I know now". This has nothing to do with disrespect for women or rufis or anything, but everything to do with what to say, how to act, etc., based off of past failures.

[/ QUOTE ]Yep. 100% is about the right number. When you think back to what you did when in your late teens and early 20s it will make you freakin wince.

So, fwiw - I think Felix is pretty much dead on with his analysis

[rwanger]

WTF? Let her have some life outside of yours. It's pretty much impossible to have a relationship where you don't let your S.O. do things without including you. Eventually you'll get bored with each other and your anti-social life you've created.

[Felix_Nietzsche]

"I'm guessing anybody irrational enough to take a shot at me simply due to my age won't be intelligent enough to get that part either."
"I was basically insulted, and at the very least dismissed without thought, due simply to my age."
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Wow.....you're such a martyr. Lets review some of the things you said about me.
(1) Felix, you're being way more of an ass than necessary. Not all women like being walked on by guys who have to "keep them in their place". (WHERE DID I SAY I KEEP MY WOMEN IN THEIR PLACE? THIS CAME FROM YOUR OVER ACTIVE IMAGINATION.)
(2) Its all well and good that people like Felix have such tremendous insecurity (or whatever the problem is) that they need to keep their woman on a chain, (LOL....SO HOW DO I BECOME AN EXPERT ON WHO IS SECURE AND INSECURE? PLEASE PROVIDE YOUR QUALIFICATIONS. I WANT TO LEARN FROM A MASTER WHO HAS ACHIEVED THIS AT THE AGE OF 22. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] )

*****I'm sorry I challenged your credentials and hurt your feelings.
If you want to take pot shots at me and challenge my opionions then fine. Just don't don't start crying when I dish it back at you. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]


Felix thinks my opinion is useless because I'm 22 and thinks I should go on Oprah.
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No, I think you are self-righteous and judgemental. Your posts reek of moral superiority. After you took a couple of pot shots, I figured it was time to hold a mirror in front of your face. I guess you didn't like what you saw.

I don't ask others to approve of how I choose to live my life. I march to a beat of a different drum and that is the way I like it. I find it amusing you kept claiming I keep my women on a leash when I never said so. Perhaps you need to work on your reading comprehension skills and perhaps tone down your self-righteousness.

[Dids]

There's a lot of retardedness in this thread.

While it's silly to draw the conclusion that she's got guys balls deep in her ear/nose/throat at this point, I think it's a very resonable expectation that she tell you why you're not invited. She should assume that this will be the first question you would ask.

At best she's just insenstive and silly- at worse she's malicious and dumb.

[FishNChips]

I think the main issue that Felix and Edge are fighting about is the definition of "relationship." Felix seems to think that "banging hot chicks" = relationship; Edge is of the opinion that relationship = "mutually benefical interaction". Both are good at their particular brand of "relationship." The OP seems to be asking for advice around Edge's definition. If he were asking how to bang as much hot 'tang as he could he wouldn't be in a close/committed relationship at this point. So I'd suggest that OP reread Edge's points again.

For Felix : I'm sure you pull some amazing ass. When I was 18 - 23 I'm pretty sure I'd have been thrilled to pull the way you pull now. If I end up single again, I'll PM you for how to get hot young chicks. At some point though (and its a different point for every guy), banging hot chicks is no longer the goal and finding the right hot chick to bang for the rest of your life becomes the thing. For this, I think you're about the last guy to ask for advice. I've got no issues with your chosen life. Bang away my brother! Bang away! Just don't try to give "relationship" advice because that's not what you have to offer. You have "how to get insanely hot chicks to [censored] your brains out" advice. And that advice is valuable in the right situations. Hell, you and guids should put on a seminar for all the young/dorky OOTers who are looking to just get laid, but can't. Its just not appropriate for the OP at this point.

OP: Be a Man! Tell her that "you're always invited" is crap. She's welcome to go out by herself/with gfs from time to time, but a quick explanation of where she's going is reasonable in a committed relationship.

That said, don't stress too much. This isn't the girl you're going to marry. You need to learn from this relationship how to communicate disappointment and expecations. You need to learn how to allow a gf her space, while expecting her to respect/consider your feelings. These are not easy things. Work on them. After you dump her or she dumps you, PM Felix to start banging a few new chicks. When you find one to focus on for a while, PM Edge or me for "relationship" advice.

Good Luck To All!
FishNChips

[Jdanz]

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Finally - and here's a comment that while 100% true I'm sure you won't listen to based off of your responses in this thread thus far - EVERY SINGLE GUY I KNOW over the age of 30 just laughs about how much more pussy they could have pulled back in the day "if I only knew then what I know now". This has nothing to do with disrespect for women or rufis or anything, but everything to do with what to say, how to act, etc., based off of past failures.

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yeah this probably is nostalgia more than anything.

I am of the school of thought that people with most self-respect are the people who are least likely to say stuff like, I never allow myself to be disrespected.