wife is a cheater...best way to get into her email acct

[slim]

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slim,

I am sorry to hear of your misfortune. I know that a revelation like this from someone who you have trusted is devastating. You want to hurt her. You don't care who you hurt, you just want to lash out in retribution for the pain that you feel. You want to know every detail, who is he, what does he do, why does she need him when she has you, what do they talk about, everything.

Stop it. Just stop it right now. Forget about her email. If she leaves her computer unattended with the email logged in don't read it. If she prints them out and hands them to you don't read them. You'll just be torturing yourself, and this is the time when you need to be at your best, not your worst.

It's her. You are not deficient in some meaningful way. You are not flawed. She chose to lie to you because of her. Now make sure that you do not waste time lying to yourself.

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OTOH it's possible that it IS his fault

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there is no justification for cheating no matter how bad the marriage was. If you are that unhappy, get a divorce. What my wife did was sneak around for 2 years trying to develop her relationship with this scumbag until she felt that he was worth leaving me for. If it didn't work out with him after a few months, she would have come back. She keeps telling me how she still loves and cares for me and knows that I am a good guy. She said that the only issue she has with the prick is TRUST! Can you believe that? That goes to show how mind altering and addictive this "in love" feeling is....but it will wear off one day when she moves in with him and there are 5 kids screaming in the house and she has to clean his piss off the toilet rim. Then she will wake up and realise how she screwed up everyone's lives.

[slim]

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slim,

I have a very cynical view of marriage because i already kind of see marriage and relationships like you described, and yet I'm 26 and never been engaged or married myself.

Would you say that given how society views women in general today, combined with the whole equality and double standards in the typical male/female relationship, as basically setting up women to be unhappy? and imo when women are unhappy men are unhappy as a result. It seems that what women are told to want in terms of equality and how they should be treated as "strong independent" women is at odds with how they should be treated so as to be actually happy in a relationship. You mentioned earlier the whole theory of how you can trace the rise in female infidelity and also i would assume increase in divorce rates to the change in society where now most women have real careers after marriage.

I personally don't see why guys would want to marry a career women, one who works late often, always trying to get ahead or travels a lot. In my personal first hand observations of other marriages that worked or didn't, seem loving or mundane; it seems that the ones where the couples seem to have lasted decades and still seem actually happy and in love, the women have non demanding careers or stay at home... but that's just my perspective so far of course.

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You are pretty well bang on. If you figured this out yourself and you haven't even been married ,let alone been cheated on, then I am impressed. I had to read about all this stuff over the last 2 months since finding out. One thing I will add is that men and women obviously are different when it comes to their needs. Women tend to need more validation, compliments ,verbal affection etc. Men need it too but not as much and if they don't get it, they don't assume the wife doesn't love them. Women, especially attractive women who have gotten attention all their lives and then get married, will fall for someone else if they don't constantly get it from their husbands....and if they work full time and travel lots, they will certainly get those things thrown at them left and right.

I wouldn't be cynical about marriage, I will just screen out potential spouses much better. Any woman who talks about feeling a "connection" with you like never before, or are looking for a soul mate or MR Right , or anything idealized like that will not see a second date.

[Lottery Larry]

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Fedorfan,

I completely agree. If there is one thing that would really disqualify a woman for serious relationship consideration, it would be her having a very demanding/time consuming career. Some would call our types blatant chauvinists, and those people are simply short sighted morons. Is it chauvinist to want to be able to spend more time with your GF/wife at home? Or to not have to worry about her being tired/stressed from work?

I think not.

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Does that work both ways, or are you just being selfish?

[Lottery Larry]

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Would you say that given how society views women in general today, combined with the whole equality and double standards in the typical male/female relationship, as basically setting up women to be unhappy? and imo when women are unhappy men are unhappy as a result. It seems that what women are told to want in terms of equality and how they should be treated as "strong independent" women is at odds with how they should be treated so as to be actually happy in a relationship. You mentioned earlier the whole theory of how you can trace the rise in female infidelity and also i would assume increase in divorce rates to the change in society where now most women have real careers after marriage.

I personally don't see why guys would want to marry a career women, one who works late often, always trying to get ahead or travels a lot. In my personal first hand observations of other marriages that worked or didn't, seem loving or mundane; it seems that the ones where the couples seem to have lasted decades and still seem actually happy and in love, the women have non demanding careers or stay at home... but that's just my perspective so far of course.

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Ah, the wisdom of a whole half-decade of being an adult.

NO, I wouldn't say that. Also, you're correlating the wrong factors into increased divorce rates imo.

[slim]

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Would you say that given how society views women in general today, combined with the whole equality and double standards in the typical male/female relationship, as basically setting up women to be unhappy? and imo when women are unhappy men are unhappy as a result. It seems that what women are told to want in terms of equality and how they should be treated as "strong independent" women is at odds with how they should be treated so as to be actually happy in a relationship. You mentioned earlier the whole theory of how you can trace the rise in female infidelity and also i would assume increase in divorce rates to the change in society where now most women have real careers after marriage.

I personally don't see why guys would want to marry a career women, one who works late often, always trying to get ahead or travels a lot. In my personal first hand observations of other marriages that worked or didn't, seem loving or mundane; it seems that the ones where the couples seem to have lasted decades and still seem actually happy and in love, the women have non demanding careers or stay at home... but that's just my perspective so far of course.

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Ah, the wisdom of a whole half-decade of being an adult.

NO, I wouldn't say that. Also, you're correlating the wrong factors into increased divorce rates imo.

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what are the factors for increased divorce rate?

[Lottery Larry]

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()

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You're pretty bitter right now, and probably rightfully so.... so I'm going to let this one go.


... well, except this:

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Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common but it will also continue to be on the rise

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So, these are all lesbian infidelities?

[slim]

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()

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You're pretty bitter right now, and probably rightfully so.... so I'm going to let this one go.


... well, except this:

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Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common but it will also continue to be on the rise

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So, these are all lesbian infidelities?

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please fix your post...can't see your quote. BTW, I didn't write it, it was pasted from a book that I read and happen to agree with.

[Lottery Larry]

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()

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You're pretty bitter right now, and probably rightfully so.... so I'm going to let this one go.


... well, except this:

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Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common but it will also continue to be on the rise

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So, these are all lesbian infidelities?

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please fix your post...can't see your quote. BTW, I didn't write it, it was pasted from a book that I read and happen to agree with.

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Nothing to fix- I removed everything as a point

[Lottery Larry]

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what are the factors for increased divorce rate?

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The ease and freedom to do so, primarily- legally, religiously, societally.

Again, my opinion.

[microbet]

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what are the factors for increased divorce rate?

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The ease and freedom to do so, primarily- legally, religiously, societally.

Again, my opinion.

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It's less shameful.