What will make you happy?

[Morrek]

I haven't read the entire thread, but, if you're looking for some "thing" to come to your life, that will then "make" you happy, then you're looking in the wrong place. Let me tell you a secret of life; You already have everything you need to be happy, as happiness comes from within you. If you wish to be happy, just choose to be happy, no matter what happens in your life. This doesn't mean that you don't want things to improve in your life. It just means that you don't worry too much about the results of events in your life, but more-so of "enjoying the ride", so to speak.

In fact, you can choose any state of "being", at any time. You can choose to be happy, sad, joyful, excited, depressed, anything you want, whenever you want it, it doesn't matter what actually happens in your life. We all do this every day, but most of us are doing this subconsciously. One example of this in todays society is movies and tv in general. If you watch a sad movie, suddenly you start to feel sad, even though nothing in your life is actually happening. You know it's all fake, just actors acting out a show for you, but still your state of being is changing.

You can use this in your life, if you wish. Every time you enter a room, choose what state of being you wish to be, before you enter. People will notice a difference about you, and maybe they will change their "beingness" to reflect yours. If you are happy, maybe they'll smile and ask "what are you so happy about?".

[PartyGirlUK]

I've been depressed on and off for over 10 years now, it's part of my nature. A couple of episodes were very serious, such as one in 04/05. I havent considered myself happy/content for a long time.

This month my dad got diagnosed with bowel cancer. My cousin's mum got the same diagnosis in March and passed away in May or June. For a week and a half we didn't know how serious it was. Thankfully it seems not to be too bad, he's had it removed and starts chemo this week, he's very weak but should make a full recovery and only have a 15% chance of remissing. Got the diagnosis that the cancer hadn't spread beyond the bowel on Jan 10, and since then has been the most content 20 day period I can remember in a very long time.

I'm just so happy he's OK. Just chatting with him about meaningless stuff makes me feel good. I think it's put to the fore what I already knew, but failed to appreciate - that stuff like money really isnt that important in life. Hopefully this is some sort of epiphany and I don't regress to my old ways, who knows. But getting good news like that has made me so much more content that knocking out a few 10k days in a row. I have it so good, so so good. Getting upset that it wasn't even better has cost me a lot of misery.

[jkkkk]

Great thread Yeti,

I often think of life in terms of monotonous scripts and how we all endeavour to break the 'pattern'. Stanley Cohen & Laurie Taylor (Sociologists), wrote a good book entitled Escape Attempts: The Theory and Practice of Resistance to Everyday Life. It makes many observations on how we, as a species, are forever finding ways to cure our boredom.

It doesn't focus on happiness but rather the banality of life and its inevitability. I guess a good 'food for thought' books on breaking these tedious patterns would be 'The Dice Man' and Luke Rhinehart's other works.

If anyone else has good suggestions please mention them in this thread.

[DVO]

[ QUOTE ]
If you're looking for some "thing" to come to your life, that will then "make" you happy, then you're looking in the wrong place. Let me tell you a secret of life; You already have everything you need to be happy, as happiness comes from within you. If you wish to be happy, just choose to be happy, no matter what happens in your life.

[/ QUOTE ]

Bingo. You have much more control over your happiness than you think. Barring those rare tragic times (deaths, etc), focus on being happy and you can usually do it.

As an aside, even noting this fact - that I have control over my happiness - makes me feel better.

Here's place I go when I am unhappy:

No one has mentioned gratefulness yet. Have you noticed how grateful happy people are? If there's one thing that is central to happiness, in my book, it's seeking things to be grateful for. They are out there, but we ignore them / take them for granted.


Final comment - most of you guys in your 20's will almost certainly be happier in your 30's, as others have noted. You'll like yourself better and be more comfortable with who you are.

Great thread!

[kickpushcoast]

i think that a couple of things that are very beneficial to a person's mental health are a strong support network of friends, family, and possibly a SO, and also doing something where you feel a sense of purpose, or that you re working towards a meaningful goal(and i dont think a meaningful goal is necessarily money related)

life is a team sport, no one can be successful by themselves, whether they realize it or not. i mean, whats the first thing you want to do when you get great news or do something you re proud of? probably run and call your friends or your mom or dad, because you want someone to share it with.

i also think most people have an innate desire to help other people, but they suppress this aspect of themselves because today's society causes us to constantly feel threatened for our own survival(most people are only a paycheck or two from being in a very bad situation). i think getting out and doing things that help others is a great way to get a better perspective on life in general, it also helps you realize that you arent alone in your problems

you also have to come to grips with the fact that our culture(at least in the US) isn't really a positive one, everything about it is geared to make you feel inferior and inadequate, but that if you have X or Y product, you'll feel good and be good enough. i think this is hard to fight because we're bombarded with it constantly, but once you realize your happiness isn't tied to the material things being pushed at you from every angle, you'll feel a sense of unburdening. its very hard to find a group of other people who are also aware of this, and that dont buy into everything society wants you to.

anyway just some ramblings of a 30 yr old who feels alot older sometimes

[bonni]

I'm happy most of the time. I've got a great job that makes an unusual amount of money for being in college, a half a year left of college with a degree in computer science and being one of the few girls in it to begin with is awesome on so many levels... Poker is good too.
I think if there's one thing I could improve to make my life as a whole better/easier is to not be a perfectionist w/everything I do. I feel like if it's not done 100% it's not worth doing, and that can drive ya crazy.

[Yeti]

Good thread guys.

Way too many points to address. I'm 21 years old. I will say that my question was never 'can you be happy if you are single?' I don't doubt you can, kinda. It was more 'if you are single, will you ever be as happy as you could be?'

[bugstud]

[ QUOTE ]
Good thread guys.

Way too many points to address. I'm 21 years old. I will say that my question was never 'can you be happy if you are single?' I don't doubt you can, kinda. It was more 'if you are single, will you ever be as happy as you could be?'

[/ QUOTE ]

sure

unblock me from aim, realize vegas sucks, enjoy!

[Yeti]

i blocked you?

confused

[NicksDad1970]

I've read the OP and have started to type a reply about 5x.

I think if you're in a pretty good position. Meaning fairly happy where you're at financially, professionaly, etc etc. Then a good woman will take you to that next and highest step.

However if you aren't really sure about many other things (what you really want to do profession wise, personal happiness, the meaning of life) then (again IMHO) even a good woman will not help anything. Maybe at first you'll be happy but as you figure out what you want to do unless that falls exactly into her plans then you'll both grow apart.

I'm 36 and still struggle with what will make me totally happy. It's easy to say "if I was financially secure yadda yadda yadda" but I'm starting to realize that even if I won the lottery I wouldn't be guaranteed any sort of happiness.

When I talk about personal financial freedom I don't mean I'm making 6 bucks an hour at Starbucks. I think I actually make more than the national avg. But there have been many times in my current job I've said to myself that I'd rather work at Starbucks w/o the stress that I currently have.

I do feel very fortunate that in my early 20's I was able to travel the world via the USAF. Australia, Japan, Italy, and Korea just to name a few. I think it gives me a bigger perspective of the world in general. One that I don't think you can get just from a book.

I also feel lucky that I've been on the brink of losing everything with alcohol abuse and depression.

Basically everyone in my family is either an alcoholic or recovering alcoholic. I specifically said I abused alcohol and not called myself a recovering alcoholic. I think I was right on the brink of becoming an alcoholic before I decided to quit. I was at the point where I was drinking a 12 pack + probably 29 out of 30 nights a month. Many times not even taking that 1 night off per month.

I simply woke up one morning six years ago this month and said "I'll never drink again" and have stuck to it. It's kind of funny that my biggest fear of quitting was "what the heck am I going to do from when I get off work until I go to bed when I quit".

My depression seemed to start in 1994 when I just got over a mystery illness where the Dr told me I might die. It was right after a 6 month stint in Italy and a LOOOOOOOOONG weekend in Vegas. They tested me for anything from AIDS to spinal menegitas (SP?)

So I started getting treated for depression. Kind of surprised me that one of the things they gave me was Klonopin to help me sleep. About 20 beers and 20mg of Klonopin = stomach pumped.

Seems the depression subsided a few years later.

During all of that I learned even a good woman doesn't help long term if you aren't content with who you are at the time.

I'm getting very long winded here at work and would like to add to this when I get more time.