First date etiquette

[No_Mercy]

So many times "etiquette" doesn't make any practical sense and it's just a game to play...sorta like when people say, "Hi, how are you?" but if you really stop to tell them the details of how you are, they will look at you like you're crazy and they clearly don't care. Or when people open a gift and say, "Oh, you shouldn't have!!" -- try taking the gift back and see what happens!!!

If a guy is gonna risk pissing off a girl when he pays for a meal (or movie or whatever) on a date, then he is probably not going to get in as much trouble as he would if he chose not to pay. But the way I look at it is, if the girl is gonna get mad over stupid stuff like that, then the guy should be GLAD to dump her ass. She is definitely not prime gf material! Better to find that out early.

[El Diablo]

Evan: "but if the girl offers I'd assume she actually meant it." Well, that's pretty silly. I assume you've been on enough dates to be familiar with the "courtesy reach" that is completely standard.

OP: Obv, the standard move is to say "No, no, I got this one" and then she says "Really?" or "OK" or someting and the guy pays. If at this point, the girl insists, the guy can either still pay or let her split it and that's prob fine. However, having said all that, I think the girl has no reason to be pissed once she offers - and it's completely within the guy's right to accept. If she's not willing to take the chance that the guy might accept her offer, she shouldn't offer. On the other hand, it IS reasonable for her to not go for a second date if she feels like she wants a guy who would not accept that offer. Frankly, it sounds like SHE made the rookie move here if she didn't really want to go dutch. The standard move in her spot is to first let the guy take the check and then make a slight move towards her purse, but not actually say or commit to anything, and prompt the guy to say something like "no, no, it's fine I got this one" even though she hasn't really offered.

[DrewDevil]

This is a similar etiquette situation to when someone has a family member die, and you say, "I'm so sorry... if there's anything I can do...."

Mostly, people just say "thank you," but what if the bereaved says, "well actually, would you be able to pick up my brother at the airport tonight, he's flying in for the funeral..."

Of course, when you said "is there anything I can do," you didn't expect there to be anything you could do, and most often you'd be right. but in this case, there is something you can do... and you have no [censored] right to be pissed when someone accepts your offer.

she's an [censored].

[Aloysius]

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Tenn:

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I wouldnt be pissed.

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Yeah pissed is a little strong, probably a better word is "surprised".

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I always offer to pay. But usually someone tells me not to worry about it. And then I say ok, but next time I got it. Or I'll buy you a drink at the next spot etc...

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Right - please note that normal cool chick (as far as we can tell) usually offers to pay her share on 1st date. And that typically guy says "no worries I got it".

-Al

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Al,

How should the guy react if the convo goes like this? Assume the guy is at least semi-interested in making a good impression.

Girl: (Reaching for wallet): Let me pay my half.
Guy: Don't worry, I got it.
Girl (Pulling cash out of her wallet): But I insist.........


Bonus question: Could guy interpret this as a signal that girl isn't into him and a hint not to call her for date #2?

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4_2 - what Diablo said. Also yeah if she says "I insist" then yes, you're pretty much done.

Lol @ initial dating etiquette: arn't u glad ur married? [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

-Al

[Alobar]

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This is a similar etiquette situation to when someone has a family member die, and you say, "I'm so sorry... if there's anything I can do...."

Mostly, people just say "thank you," but what if the bereaved says, "well actually, would you be able to pick up my brother at the airport tonight, he's flying in for the funeral..."

Of course, when you said "is there anything I can do," you didn't expect there to be anything you could do, and most often you'd be right. but in this case, there is something you can do... and you have no [censored] right to be pissed when someone accepts your offer.

she's an [censored].

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good analogy

[The Yugoslavian]

standard...this is completely fine.

Yugoslav

[4_2_it]

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Lol @ initial dating etiquette: arn't u glad ur married? [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

-Al

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Over 15 years. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

My oldest daughter is 13 and I use this forum to keep tabs on how the ballas try to seduce women. I have just added "Always offer to pay your share on the first date and if the idiot accepts, then no 2nd date" to the list.

FWIW, I doubt OP get the entire story from his cousin. I tend to think my scenario is more reasonable, especially if the guy wants to continue seeing her.

[Mother Mucker]

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Lol @ initial dating etiquette: arn't u glad ur married? [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

-Al

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My oldest daughter is 13 and I use this forum to keep tabs on how the ballas try to seduce women. I have just added "Always offer to pay your share on the first date and if the idiot accepts, then no 2nd date" to the list.



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[img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

I don't know. I think she'll miss out on some good guys if she follows this advice. If she offers to help and I accept her help, that should have no influence on whether or not she goes out with the dude again.

[DeezNuts]

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He should say:

If we end up getting married, are you going to do all of my laundry and give me head whenever I tell you? If so, I'll pay. If you want me helping out with chores and you want to decide when to give me head or not to give me head, then you have to pay your half.

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You must be quite the ladies man.

[Quanah Parker]

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ZOMG maybe she'll touch my pee-pee!


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This is pretty much my typical thinking in all my interactions with women.