Non-cliched, funny B&M lines you've heard

[BigHef]

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I just thought I'd save future posters some time by pointing out that if you said it, it's probably not funny, mmmkay?

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Please read this people.

[meccaNES]

Playing a 2/5 game that i was doing fairly well at in the Couschatta in St. Charles (basically first live experience and long time ago and i clearly didn't know what i was doing). I tipped the waitress $5 (bought in for the cap (300) and had like 900 in front of me...was lucky back then) and this old guys says "You like women?".

I look at him and say "Yeah."

Then he continues "Well son, i'll give you some advice on what to do with your money. Don't spend it on anything that has boobs or wheels, it's going to cause you nothing but trouble."

I think this was a had to be there moment. What made it funny was the way he said it and he was wearing this huge ass cowboy hat.

No one got owned or anything i just thought it was funny because i was pretty quiet and the old guy was absolutely crushing the table. I've still never seen someone just run over a table like that.

[coltrainSTL]

Harrahs STL
1/2 NL

seat 3 is button seat 6 is UTG(asian guy)
limp pot, flop- UTG bets, button calls
turn-UTG bets, button raises, UTG calls
river-UTG taps table and says(asian accent) "Go Ahead"
button says "Did you just call me a goat head?"

[pokerclack]

1-2 DC NL
6-handed play at 5 AM.
No one has spoke for ten minutes until a guy named Tony Montana because of his stature and accent asked
"does anyone know why you can't get a BJ in Turkey?
Because all the C- suckers are at this table!!!"
Everyone continued to be silent after that

[StarkNaked]

Sitting 1/2NL at the Trop, all of a sudden play stops at the 5/10 stud table (full of old guys)....loud commotion. Old guy #1 calls the floorman.

Floorman: What seems to be the problem?
OG1: This guy just called me an "MF-er"
OG2: Yeah but this guy just called me a DIRTY JEWBAG!


70 year old men fighting like children + unnecessary racism = priceless

[PokerBob]

Commerce 40 game. AngryInsaneFishyBadPersianDude stand up and tells an older AngryInsaneFishyBadPersianDude "you are now on my black list", and makes what appears to be a 2 foot by 2 foot box with his hands.

[belloc]

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Commerce 40 game. AngryInsaneFishyBadPersianDude stand up and tells an older AngryInsaneFishyBadPersianDude "you are now on my black list", and makes what appears to be a 2 foot by 2 foot box with his hands.

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Thank you, O PokerBob, for my new line. My local cardroom also thanks you.

EDIT: They already love you from afar for "loading the bus to Threetown."

[shane88888]

I don't know if this is a cliche. I've only heard it once, but at the right time it works.

I'm so tight I only play black aces.

[7ontheline]

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I don't know if this is a cliche. I've only heard it once, but at the right time it works.

I'm so tight I only play black aces.

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Is this funny? Is there a double entendre or something that I'm too dense to see?

[r0eKY]

i'm reading though some of the post and i'm coming to the conclusion that this thread was a bad ideal