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  #41  
Old 12-01-2007, 04:08 PM
mondo mondo is offline
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Default Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide

OP,

My sister went through this with one of her closest friends several years ago, mlg and ffk are correct. Make the effort to be involved in your friend's life, and be willing to LISTEN. She knows you don't have the answers, but a compassionate friend who takes the time to be there in an obvious time of need is greatly appreciated.

I am sorry for her loss. I wish you the best in trying circumstances. Friends, true friends, are the best coping mechanism during times of hardship.

Condolences, mondo
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  #42  
Old 12-01-2007, 04:24 PM
Nielsio Nielsio is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,570
Default Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide

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I have no clue what to say. This is so [censored] up, she found out this morning and I just found out about it a few hours ago. He was 25, her oldest brother. I really don't know what to do or what to say to her. Any advice is appreciated. thanks.

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The truth about the situation is that you know there were big problems in that person's life, of which a 95% chance that it had to do with their family, and thus the girl you are talking about has some issues (most likely unexplored issues), and now you are affraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. If you want to help someone, you *have* to open up the discussion about the core of the matter.

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no. unless op is a psychologist he should not be the one asking these questions. trying to open up discussion about why he killed himself when she is still grieving seems like a horrible idea. if she wants to talk to him about it she will

edit: all he needs to do is be available.

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I'm not arguing against being available. I'm also not arguing against letting her come to you. What I am arguing for is being aware that this must come to the table somehow. And when people start dying that's a sign that there isn't much time to lose.
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  #43  
Old 12-01-2007, 04:51 PM
MLG MLG is offline
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Default Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide

Nielsio,
I dont want to derail this thread, but the fact of the matter is that people without training are not equipped to deal with the issues surrounding suicide. Whether its the underlying issues that caused the brother's suicide and whether they are present with the friend, or whether its the issues that this suicide may cause with the friend, that kind of emotional baggage is way out of a non-professoinal's depth.

There are certain situations where you can encourage somebody to seek help, but its a very very delicate line to balance. Many people still see going to a mental health professional as somehow stigmatizing them, and you suggesting it may do more harm than good. If you anticipate that suggestion will be met with hostility to the point of undermining the support you are trying to provide as a friend it is probably not the best time to broach the subject.

Obviously if you are worried about somebody close to you harming themselves though its a whole different ballgame.
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  #44  
Old 12-01-2007, 05:20 PM
The Man Mulcahey The Man Mulcahey is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: why do i ain\'t got my taco?
Posts: 1,079
Default Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide

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Anything along the lines of "That's really [censored] up; is there anything I can do?" is fine.

[/ QUOTE ]

Do not under any circumstances say "that's really [censored] up." Just make sure you stay with her and support her and her family. Anything you can do to help, you should do.
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  #45  
Old 12-01-2007, 08:09 PM
neuroman neuroman is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: the stars at night are big and bright
Posts: 3,774
Default Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I have no clue what to say. This is so [censored] up, she found out this morning and I just found out about it a few hours ago. He was 25, her oldest brother. I really don't know what to do or what to say to her. Any advice is appreciated. thanks.

[/ QUOTE ]


The truth about the situation is that you know there were big problems in that person's life, of which a 95% chance that it had to do with their family, and thus the girl you are talking about has some issues (most likely unexplored issues), and now you are affraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. If you want to help someone, you *have* to open up the discussion about the core of the matter.

[/ QUOTE ]



no. unless op is a psychologist he should not be the one asking these questions. trying to open up discussion about why he killed himself when she is still grieving seems like a horrible idea. if she wants to talk to him about it she will

edit: all he needs to do is be available.

[/ QUOTE ]


I'm not arguing against being available. I'm also not arguing against letting her come to you. What I am arguing for is being aware that this must come to the table somehow. And when people start dying that's a sign that there isn't much time to lose.

[/ QUOTE ]
What you are saying is insanely dumb. You should stop posting in this thread.
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  #46  
Old 12-01-2007, 08:19 PM
Nielsio Nielsio is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,570
Default Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide

[ QUOTE ]
What you are saying is insanely dumb. You should stop posting in this thread.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ah, an ad hominem. Those always sway my opinion!
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  #47  
Old 12-01-2007, 09:43 PM
NT! NT! is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: i ain\'t got my taco
Posts: 17,165
Default Re: serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What you are saying is insanely dumb. You should stop posting in this thread.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ah, an ad hominem. Those always sway my opinion!

[/ QUOTE ]


the fact that someone else killed themselves doesn't necessarily mean OP's friend is going through anything other than the grief of losing a brother to suicide. he's been out of the house for a while, we have no way of knowing whether this is a family-related issue or not. it may well be, but you have absolutely no way of knowing that. and, like others have said, the last thing this girl needs is some amateur psychiatrist trying to involve her in a family therapy session when he has no [censored] clue what he's doing.

so yeah, what you are saying is pretty retarded.
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