college essay help

[suppasonic]

Opening paragraph is bland and bad. You aren't getting anyone's attention with it.

You dont need to (and shouldn't) mention that you didn't have any good friends. The reason Magic is important to you is it taught you things on life, not friends.

Try to relate theater and Magic. Theater gave you the personal side of life whereas magic gave you the managing side or whatever.

Your dream you say with magic isn't really a dream, but a philosophy on life. You never say what you want to do with your life. If you are undecided; thats perfectly fine. Just say something about it instead of dancing around it.

You have a frame work, but itll be a few more drafts before this is ready.